I love you, I thought.
Leif stayed the night, but when dawn arrived, he gave me a passionate kiss, dressed again, and left via my window once more. I showered to get rid of his scent, even though it made me sad to do so. I liked the smell of Leif on my skin, but my father would just flip out and I didn’t want to cause more trouble than we were already in.
When I emerged from my shower, dressed, and headed into the main house, I immediately picked up the scent of my aunt, two female cousins, and another woman in the bear clan. Ugh. The welcoming committee had arrived, ready for gossip. I braced myself and headed in.
“There she is,” Aunt Erika sang out. The others looked over at me and grinned. A big cardboard box sat on the kitchen counter as the others sipped coffee. They’d clearly been lying in wait for me.
“Hi guys,” I gave a small wave to them. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The women of the bear clan were a tight-knit group, and we tended to converge on anyone having a life event - graduation, mating, baby, you name it. I was surprised that there were only four women here, though, instead of the full clan.
That told me I was still in trouble, and these were the bravest ones who’d ventured out to get gossip. I smiled at my cousins Thora and Freya, second-cousin Gerda, and passed by Aunt Erika to grab a cup of coffee for myself. “What brings you guys here this morning?” As if I didn’t know.
“We heard that you ran off to find a mate,” Gerda said in an eager voice. She was Mikkel’s wife, and though I didn’t want to be unkind, she wasn’t exactly my favorite person. Big, loud, and couldn’t keep a secret to save her life. It was no wonder Mikkel liked to go off on lots of ‘business’ trips.
“I didn’t ‘run off,’” I told them, pouring a cup of coffee and then raising it to my lips. It was weak. I grimaced and pulled some instant coffee out of the cupboard, adding a spoonful to make my drink strong enough for a punch in the gut. “I’m old enough to do what I want.”
“Yes, but you didn’t get approval from the clan elders,” Aunt Erika said in a disapproving voice. “So I hope the trouble you’re in is worth it.”
“Did you find him?” Thora asked dreamily. She was a sweetheart. “Leif Ludvik?”
I winked at her.
Gerda squealed. “Oh my god! You did? I have to go visit Gunnar today and see what his son’s been up to. He’s been gone sixteen years! I bet he’s totally crazy in the head now.”
“He’s not,” I said, frowning at her words. “But he’s back now, and we’re mated.”
“Really?” Aunt Erika gave a haughty sniff. “I knew you were lonely, Niko, but this seems…reckless.”
“Reckless how?”
“I think it’s sweet,” Cousin Thora said.
Aunt Erika shot her an angry look. “It’s not. The elders were deciding on a father for her child before she took matters into her own hands. Mark my words, this will be a decision you regret,” my aunt told me.
I gulped my blistering coffee so I wouldn’t have to answer. When no one spoke, I tried to change the subject. “What’s in the box?”
“Baby clothes,” Freya said, opening the box and pulling out tiny layettes and blankets and onesies. “My Kristian is old enough now that I don’t need these anymore, and I thought you’d find a good use for them.” Her smile was soft, pleased, but she looked to Aunt Erika for approval.
I peeked at the pile of baby things and smiled. I knew an excuse for a visit when I saw one. Bringing over baby clothes just gave them an excuse to show up and get gossip from me. “I’m barely coming out of my heat, guys. I won’t know if it’s a boy or a girl for months.”
“So you mated the crazy boy,” my Aunt Erika said, and tsked. “You’re so rash, Nikolina.”
I put down my coffee, unhappy at my aunt’s tone. I knew she wouldn’t be thrilled for me - she was a big fan of the control the elders kept over us - but calling my new mate ‘crazy’ to my face was a bit much. “He’s not crazy.”
“Mikkel says he went wild for the sixteen years he was gone.” She gave me an arch look. “Crazy.”
Okay, so going wild wasn’t a thing normal, sane shifters did.
“He’s fine,” I said stiffly. “Leif’s a good man. He’s thoughtful and kind, and I’m happy he’s my baby’s father and my mate.”
Aunt Erika didn’t give up. “And what will he do for a job if the clan accepts him back? He will need to support his new family.”
I thought about his wonderful wood sculptures, and the life and beauty they had in them. He’d spent the entire trip back whittling and carving small creatures into works of art, practicing to get his hands ‘warmed up’ again. I loved to watch him, so I hadn’t minded. “I hope he’ll continue with his sculpting. He’s really good at it.”
“Oh no,” Freya said, dismayed. “That’s not a good career for a father. He needs something that brings in reliable income for you and the baby. Like a plumber or a mechanic.”
My sweet, dreamy Leif as a plumber? Or a mechanic? When he was so gifted at sculpting? I couldn’t see it. “I make plenty of money on my own, thank you.” I worked as a medical transcriptionist. It wasn’t glamorous, but I made my own hours and there was always plenty of work and a steady income.
Aunt Erika shook her head. “That’s a dreamer’s job. He needs to come back to reality and get a real one.”
“Leif’s never been good with reality,” Gerda said, and I hated the snide tone of her voice.
“Bless his heart,” Aunt Erika said.
Anger burned in my belly. “Leif and I are very happy.”
Gerda gave me a pitying look. “I know you were lonely, Niko, but I’m surprised you don’t mind being second best. I mean, everyone knows that he left because he was so devastated over Katja’s death. You have to know that he didn’t really want you—“
I slammed my coffee mug down on the table so hard that it shattered. Hot, black coffee spilled all over the counter and splattered the women seated there. “I’m not his second choice,” I snapped at them, but even as I said it, I wasn’t sure about it. “I’m not, and we’re happy, goddamn it. Or at least, we were until we came back here and everyone started attacking us!”
“You can’t blame us,” Aunt Erika said, toweling coffee off of her pale cardigan with an unhappy frown. “I mean, you run off at your most vulnerable moment and then return with a crazy exile—“
“Bless his heart,” Gerda added quickly.
“He’s not crazy,” I thundered. If I had another coffee mug, I’d have thrown it at Aunt Erika’s head. “And fuck all of you!” I stormed out of the kitchen and right out of the house, tearing at my clothing. The need to escape pressed at me, hot and heavy, and I understood how Leif had felt, all those years ago, when he’d run away. I crouched on the porch and transformed to bear form, and then lumbered away into the forest.
And if anyone tried to follow me? There’d be hell to pay.
Chapter Six
The good thing about bear form was that it tended to mute the scatter of human thought. I wasn’t sure if other shifters had that mental glaze that came over bears, but I knew that changing to a shifter form as large as ours required a lot of concentration, and it tended to drown out anxiety, or unhappiness. In bear form, you just existed. You just were. It was calm, peaceful. I could see why Leif had chosen it for so long.
No one came after me, and I plowed through the familiar woods, exploring. There was a trail I liked to think of as my own, and my own little private den on the far edges of the land. I headed there.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed, but I vaguely remembered dawn, and dusk, and then dawn again. I didn’t care. I fished dinner from the river, and ate berries, and curled up in my den.