I'll get excited the next time that Lance fucks me. Or am I fucking him? It'll be the way it was.
But she didn't believe it.
Chapter 8
Dog Days The drinking didn't make Laura feel good, but it did help her not to feel anything. She was in a stupor half of the time. The apartment was hot, and the floating feelings made it very hard to concentrate on anything – even troubles.
But Laura thought about Bet part of the time; so one hot day, about two months after the horrible encounter in the store, she got up her nerve and phoned Bet.
"It's me. Laura." Laura was breathless with anxiety. "Please make up with me, Bet. I'm so sick and unhappy. I need you." She started to sob.
Bet answered, "I heard that you broke up with the boy."
"Yes. I was ashamed of myself. Please forgive me. Everybody makes mistakes."
"I've been wanting to see you, Laura."
"When can you come over? I miss you."
"You sound awful. I can come now."
"Great." Laura sobbed as she hung up. Bet was friend, mother and critic, all rolled into one person.
Laura tried to rouse herself to straighten up the permanent mess she lived in. It was no use. She didn't have the energy, and it was too hot.
As usual, Laura daydreamed about Bert while she dressed. It had been about a month since he'd given up and stopped calling. To her surprise, the boy must have had some feeling for her, as he had called regularly for weeks after she broke up with him. He stormed, he argued, he wept. She resisted him stonily, only to fall apart each time when she hung up.
Laura's attendance at work had been poor lately, even worse than before. She was worried because she hadn't received a contract for the next year. Most of the other teachers had received contracts and signed them weeks ago. Laura was too afraid to go in and ask Mr. Anderson about it. She dreaded hearing the truth.
In her daydreams she made passionate love to Bert. She idealized him and dreamed away all of his faults.
She remembered the open fly and the beautiful swollen prick there for her to love. The day he had brought her the lunch tray was now blended in her trance with their last lovemaking session, and she could recall at will each wondrous sensation as she licked and sucked her beloved's wonderful, large prick. The little bumps on it were still felt by her lonely tongue. She could still taste the warm, salty jism as it filled her waiting mouth. Laura shivered and wept. She had memorized this dream so well that she could recall any detail of it, even out of order. It usually incapacitated her for hours.
Bert's face was not as clear in her memory as it had been a few weeks before. It was beginning to fade away a bit. But she lived constantly with the vivid imagine of the boy's cock. She wanted it and fantasized about it.
The doorbell rang, and, as usual, Laura wasn't ready. She ran for a drink as soon as she pressed the buzzer.
I need it!
Bet must have run up the stairs, because she burst into the room while Laura was still drinking. Laura tried to hide the glass, and she ran to hug her sister. They wept in each other's arms, and Laura felt happy for the first time in months.
"Jesus! Laura! You look like hell! I'm taking you to my doctor. Let's go for lunch and then have him check you over. You look like walking death!"
Bet noticed the drink on a table near Laura, but she thought nothing of it. She was completely unaware of her sister's dependence on alcohol, as Laura had always been a very indifferent drinker, seldom drinking at all except at dinners and parties.
Laura would have laid down and died to please Bet at that moment.
"I don't need a doctor, Bet. I'm O.K. But if you want me to, I will. Will I get to see Jim soon? Will he forgive me?"
"Sure. He thought I was silly being angry so long over this. But I guess I took it hard because it made Elaine so ill."
"Is she all right now?" asked Laura guiltily.
"Who knows? She may be starting to go through the change. She's older than I am. Anyway, she's a bundle of nerves."
Laura was dying to ask how Bert was and what he was doing.
Is he with Nancy? I'd better stay off the subject, or I'll spoil things.
"Where do you want to go for lunch?" asked Bet.
"Anywhere you say."
They went to lunch and ordered cocktails. It was good that Bet didn't know about her drinking. This way, Laura could have two Manhattans and still not cause any sisterly disapproval. The lunch was a success, even though Laura wasn't used to eating any more. She was lucky enough to get up energy to feed Lance.
Poor neglected baby.
Laura felt guilty over losing her desire for him. She needed another drink, but was ashamed to order it.
"How come you're not at work today? Goofing off?" asked Bet casually.
Laura quickly decided not to tell Bet about her job troubles.
She thinks I'm bad enough.
"No, I wasn't feeling very well today."
"I noticed that your place is a mess. I'll come back with you and help clean up a bit."
Big sister is in action again.
Laura glowed happily over Bet's concern. "No. I don't want to spoil our day with housecleaning. I'll do it, I promise."
Bet stared at Laura, trying to unravel the mystery of why she looked so ill. The break-up of a love affair shouldn't change someone's appearance that drastically.
"How much weight have you lost?" Bet probed.
"I don't know. I haven't weighed myself."
Bet excused herself to make a phone call. While she was gone, Laura ran to the bar and swallowed down a quick shot of bourbon. Then Bet returned.
"My hair's sort of a mess," Laura apologized.
"Yes, it is. You've really let yourself go. You've got to snap out of it, honey."
"I will. I'll make an appointment to have it done."
"Speaking of appointments, my doctor is squeezing you in this afternoon. So, let's go now."
On the way they chattered gaily, avoiding all controversial subjects. Laura needed a drink, but she said nothing about it.
"I'll have to get a little purse flask for emergencies.
The doctor prescribed multiple vitamins, iron and a balanced diet. He smelled liquor on Laura's breath, but he had no knowledge of her drinking problem. However, her run-down condition made him suspicious.
"Are you drinking steadily, dear? I won't tell anyone," he said gently.
"Yes."
He wrote out a phone number and gave it to her. "If you can't handle it, call this number. These people have a great group there that can help you."
Laura's face flamed with shame. "It's just some temporary drinking because I've been nervous and unhappy over a personal problem. I'm all right. She clutched her prescriptions and left quickly.
Am I really an alcoholic? A sex moron and an alcoholic.
Laura joined Bet. "Thanks for taking such good care of me, Bet." They stopped off for the prescription on the way home.
"Would you like to borrow my cleaning lady tomorrow?" asked Bet.
"No. No. I'll manage fine." She was eager now for Bet to leave, so that she could have a drink.
Bet kissed her and left. Laura sighed with relief and drank two stiff shots. She lay down on the couch, exhausted from the strain of the reunion.
I'll have to take all of my vitamins and iron. I'll do it later.
The dream of Bert returned to Laura, and she indulged in it. It always stimulated her enough so that she could fuck with Lance. Sometimes she sucked on Lance's prick and tried to pretend that it was Bert's. It never really worked, but he was all she had.
Her cunt ached with frustration. Laura called the giant dog to her and waited for him to come and lick her arm. He came eagerly, enjoying the attention. Laura decided to lie on the rug, so she could move more freely.
She stripped off her clothing, and while the dog began to excitedly lick her tits, she looked down at her thin body.