I’d always assumed once I got Kate back we would settle back into our old apartment and try to go back to normal. Now, I just didn’t know what I was going to do. Could I move back to New York? Could I really leave Audrey and all of my closest friends in Texas, living fifteen-hundred miles away from them? They were my family now. I just didn’t know if that were possible.
The cab to the hotel took no longer than fifteen minutes, but everyone in the car except for the driver and me was asleep within five. Raegan slumped against the window, breathing softly, while Braden clung to her neck. As we pulled up under the brightly-lit hotel drive, I swiped my card in the slot to pay our tab. Raegan shook awake when she heard the beep.
We scooted across the seat silently, each of us carrying a sleeping child. When I stepped out, I held my hand out to help Raegan. She couldn’t seem to get a firm hold on Braden in her sleepiness, so I reached down and scooped him up right next to Kate. Raegan easily slid out and smiled at me in what appeared to be gratitude.
“I can take him back now,” she quietly stated.
“I’ve got them, it’s no trouble really,” I told her and turned to walk toward the entrance. She quickly caught up to me and slid my bag and their backpack off my forearm.
“I can help,” she told me, trying her best to lift my heavy bag. I smiled and allowed her to struggle. If she wanted to help so badly...
Dad had given me the keycards to our room before we left the station, so I knew our rooms were on the twelfth floor. The elevator ride up was silent, except for the sound of the kids breathing softly against my chest. I found our side-by-side rooms and handed Raegan her keycard while I walked past her to my room.
She froze and cleared her throat at me. Still holding the two kids, I turned to see her glaring at me.
I chuckled and said, “Go in. Open the adjoining door and we’ll figure this out.”
She was in her room in a flash, and before I could fully step inside mine, I could already hear her unlocking her connected door. I had to shift Kate around so I could use my hand to twist the lock on mine. When it finally clicked to unlock, Raegan immediately pushed the door open.
“Don’t trust me?” I asked with a smile. I laughed to myself when she didn’t reply. Apparently, I was in a snarky mood all of a sudden.
When I slid Braden down my side onto the bed, Raegan quickly pulled the covers out from underneath him. He curled up on a pillow without even opening his eyes. The movement caused Kate to stir and her little blonde eyelashes began to flutter.
“Where do you think she’ll want to sleep?” I quietly asked. My voice trembled because I hated the idea of having to ask someone else about my own daughter, but that was what I had to deal with. I needed to just be thankful I had her. Evidently, if I was given an inch, I wanted a mile. My mom used to tell me that all the time when I was a kid.
“With Braden and I,” she replied while pulling the sheets back on the opposite side of the bed.
I began to protest, but Kate’s soft whimper startled me. She began to squirm and moan in my arms, so I squeezed her tighter and attempted to gently shush her. Raegan flew around the bed and tried to take her from my arms.
“I can do this,” I bit out.
Kate thrashed suddenly and Raegan pleaded, “Just give her to me, I can help her. Please...” I ignored her and continued to try and calm down a restless Kate in my arms.
“Shh... you’re okay. It’s okay...”
“MAMA!” Kate’s voice wailed in the quiet room. My heart hammered erratically in my chest and I began to panic. “Mama, mama, mama!” she continued, all while it appeared as if she were still sleeping.
Raegan looked at me with wide eyes and I asked, “What do I do?” Of course. If Kate knew about me, then she must know about Ash as well. There was no way I could tell her where her mom was right now. This was not the time.
With my mind fully distracted, Raegan managed to weasel Kate out of my arms and quickly began to whisper in her ear. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but it seemed to comfort Kate instantaneously.
Kate’s hand came up and rubbed across Raegan’s cheek and jawline. “Mama...” she sighed contentedly.
“Wait a second...” I caught myself speaking too loud. The wheels in my head were spinning at full speed, and I was having a hard time comprehending what had just happened. “Did she call you... does she think....” I couldn’t make myself say it.
Raegan turned and gently laid Kate down on the bed, She left a wide space between her and Braden, and I assumed it was so she could sleep in the middle. Kate began to stir again and then I saw her eyes finally open. She mumbled, “I need Daddy-bear, mama.”
“I’ll get him, baby,” Raegan replied, and I watched in confusion as she slid past me without making eye contact. She crouched down by her backpack and dug a teddy bear out from the bottom. My heart jumped into my throat when I recognized the bear. I had gotten that bear for her when she was a baby, and now I suddenly understood how she knew who I was.
I had been a rookie in the force and I’d thankfully gotten partnered with Charlie Doyle, an old family friend. Charlie was only a few years older than me, but he’d already been on the force for six years by then. I was a spoiled shit and had a hook because my dad was already the chief of the 72nd precinct. Therefore, I knew where I was headed before I even graduated the academy.
We ended up catching a long break one day and decided to take advantage of it by getting something decent to eat across the bridge. We were still in uniform because we had to get back on our beat after lunch. Charlie and I had an ongoing search to find the best subs, and while Brooklyn hands-down had the best delis, we’d heard about this place south of Central Park that cured their meats in-house and we wanted to check it out. It sounded a bit too touristy for me, but hey, a good subway sandwich can tempt me almost anywhere.
We grabbed our lunch at the counter and decided to sit on the steps surrounding the Pulitzer fountain on Fifth Avenue. I was right about it being touristy, but the sub smelled amazing. Just as I was chomping down on my first bite, we heard a big commotion across Fifth at the hugely popular FAO Schwarz toy store.
We sorrowfully tossed our subs and hightailed it across the way. Fucking oath of being a law enforcement officer twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I was fucking hungry. We entered the colossal toy story and immediately spotted the problem. Two grown-ass women were throwing punches and grabbing at each other’s hair. One of them clung tightly to a toy that looked like a damn robot dog.
Hell, I thought that shit only happened during Christmastime, not in the middle of the year. Charlie split them up and ordered them to leave the store, and no one ended up getting that damn toy. As we were walking toward the door, I nudged Charlie toward the glass escalator.
“Hey, we’re already here. Let’s see if I can afford to buy Kate something,” I told him.
He chuckled and followed behind me. “She’s a baby, dude. All she wants right now is tit.” I whacked him across the chest with the back of my hand as we ascended the stairs.
At the top floor, we found a shop where kids were building teddy bears. They could be personalized with sound bytes, clothing, and even pictures. I chose a small bear that could hold a photo in the little pocket of his shirt, and I even made a sound byte that she would be able to hear when she was old enough to squeeze his foot. Charlie mocked me the entire way back to Brooklyn for that.
That night, Ash had stuck a photograph of me in a little plastic sleeve on the bear’s shirt, and we sat it on Kate’s dresser in her room without much thought. When Kate had gone missing, neither of us noticed that the bear had disappeared as well.