Lane’s body wrapped around me from behind, every inch of my back molded to his front. Our legs entwined, allowing us to be as close as possible. His hand threaded through my hair and my rapid heartbeats began to slow down.
“Sleep, Rae, I’m right here. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Sleep baby, I’ve got you now,” he whispered.
A protest was on my lips. I couldn’t help but think about the children lying next to us, but his warm, comforting arms squelched any thoughts of leaving. So I slept, knowing my body was safe. It was my heart I was beginning to worry about.
~~~~~~~
We had been in the New York apartment for two weeks and we still hadn’t spoken about where we were going from here. Or even if we would go together. I knew that neither Lane nor I wanted to stay in this apartment, but it was convenient. And I didn’t think that either of us wanted to face the real world just yet.
A week into our stay, Lane finally started working again. He logged in remotely from the computer and made phone calls a couple of hours a day. He informed me that his boss, Jace, would be okay with him taking off as much time as he needed, but he hated the idea of not doing his part.
Apparently, Jace had really helped him out and they seemed to have a mutual respect for each other. I assumed Lane valued Jace for being a good husband to his friend, Audrey. I couldn’t explain my jealousy over a girl I had never met, but it made me feel a smidge better to hear that she was married. Quite happily married, at that. I had to admit though that I still wondered about Lane and Audrey, because they spoke on the phone more than any “friends” I had ever been around.
I was beginning to think that I had been the only one feeling the pull between the two of us—that maybe it was just all in my head. Every day it seemed to get a little bit stronger for me. A smile here. A brief touch there. But Lane never made any advances nor did he say anything, so I constantly questioned what I was feeling.
Could it just be that I hadn’t had any attention for the past four years and now even the smallest amount felt like the greatest thing in the world? Could I be imagining the sensations that shot straight between my thighs when he winked at me from across the living room? Or the thrill I felt when I saw that smile he gave me every time we woke up early in the morning.
That was another thing. He was now sleeping in the bed with us every night. Kate wouldn’t have it any other way, and I couldn’t blame him for falling for those pleading blue eyes. But he also still crawled in behind me late at night, claiming I was having bad dreams. Some nights they were excruciating and I craved his comfort, but there were other nights when I woke and didn’t remember having any nightmares. Regardless, before the sun came up the next morning, he would always move back to his side and it wreaked havoc on my heart to see him sprawled out on his back, so close yet so far. The morning sun would dance across his blonde hair and scream for me to run my fingers through it and beg for him to come back to my side of the bed.
We never spoke of our late-night cuddle sessions. It was as if they were a secret, even to us—something we only indulged in when the nighttime could conceal our desires. I thought it was all in my imagination until last night.
Lane and I had been in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and the kids were playing in Kate’s old nursery. They certainly had no qualms about that room or playing with toys that were meant for children much younger than they were. It was all new and that’s what they cared about.
After I’d put the last plate on the wooden drying rack, I reached for the dishtowel and wiped my hands dry. Lane was washing down the countertops, so I leaned up against the sink to watch his muscles move underneath his cotton shirt. It was a hobby I had picked up lately. He’d gotten his stitches taken out a few days ago and had already started trying to work out again.
Now he tortured me daily with extremely slow pull-ups from a bar that extended across the hallway from one wall to the next. He also made me suffer every time I had to watch him do a zillion sit-ups on the living room floor. And when he did his push-ups and was forced to only use one arm when his shoulder hurt, I wanted to lick all of the sweat off of his heated skin. He never looked at me during his workouts, but I knew he felt my eyes on him, which only heated my skin more.
He probably thought I was the biggest creeper ever, but I just couldn’t make myself look anywhere else. I couldn’t apologize either; my body had been on fire for two weeks now. Soon the flames would either kill me or I would have to find a way to quench them.
With my hip pressed into the countertop, I watched Lane toss his towel into the laundry room. He turned and looked down at me, and I observed something flicker intensely in his hazel eyes. Before I could blink, he leaned in and slammed his lips against mine.
The approach had been quick and shocking, but the kiss was slow and smooth. He didn’t try and force his tongue in or to open my mouth any further, but he did coax me to move against his lips and follow his rhythm. The fire inside of me was a full-on inferno at that point. Just as I started to reach out for his head, he pulled back, breathing harshly against my lips.
“Tell me I didn’t just fuck up,” he pleaded. “Tell me you wanted me to do that as much as I needed to.”
Why were we talking? The flames inside of me were increasing in intensity and burning me from the inside out. I was a full-on forest fire. I grabbed his neck and pulled him toward me forcefully. I had never been the dominant one in my relationships. But when a girl has been starving for affection as long as I have, it looks like she’ll do things she never thought herself capable of.
Lane groaned into my mouth when our lips touched again. I gave him back the control but let my hands stay in the hair on the back of his head. The height difference between us was vast, but he leaned forward enough for me to hold on tight. His tongue dashed into my mouth without invitation and I tangled it with mine. His hands latched onto my hips and I pressed further into his body.
God, I craved the feeling of his bare skin against mine.
We stayed in the kitchen for who knows how long, just exploring each other’s mouths, and I prayed he would take me right there. His hard body against mine and nothing in between.
Hours. Minutes. Or maybe it had only been mere seconds later when he pulled back and placed three slow, little kisses on the corners of my lips. Then he turned away and marched out of the kitchen without saying a word.
I would have thought the kisses had been drummed up by my overactive imagination at that point, but I had the swollen lips to prove it. I had felt his body pressed up against mine, and I never even knew a feeling like the one he created within me was possible. I wanted more.
LANE -
After breakfast, I settled Kate and Braden on the couch with an extra-thick fleece blanket tucked around them and then finally made my way down the hall. I’d put some comical penguin movie on the television for them, although I could have turned on the news and they would have zoned out just the same. The TV was such a new concept for them that maybe I shouldn’t have introduced it—maybe I should have taken advantage of the rare opportunity.
With a shrug, I decided to let them just be little kids who liked to watch cartoons. Plus, a steaming hot shower was calling my name. I needed the kind that would leave me tender and blazing-red afterward, yet calmer. I needed the reassurance that I could do this. I’d wondered for so long if I would even be able to see her again and hadn’t allowed myself to think about whether or not I could do this dad thing. Doubts were raining heavily on me, and I needed to clear them before I saw Kate’s sweet little eyes looking up at me all day—counting on me to be the strong one.