“I can’t help it. I love her so much already, Lane. I seriously can’t believe you just said the word ‘daughter,’” she said, and I heard the hitch in her words.
“Oh, doll, not the waterworks right now please,” I begged. A girl who’s crying is bad. A girl who’s crying over the phone is so much worse because you’re absolutely powerless to help. I needed to divert her. “Hey, can you start doing me some favors?”
“Of course,” she responded.
“Can you start getting my place ready for us to come back? I don’t have anything for two four-year-olds. Well, almost five-year-olds now. I’m gonna need your help, but don’t go overboard!”
“I’m on it!” I started to hear her name off all of the things Raegan and I would potentially need in the house, but the sound of the key turning in the lock redirected my attention.
My body began to perk up at the idea of seeing all of them. I was ready to hug Kate and get back to our chess game. I was ready to finish reading that comic book with Braden. And I was just ready for Raegan, period. Primed and ready to go for anything she wanted from me.
Raegan slammed the door open and I watched as she rushed both Kate and Braden through the doorway in front of her. Something wasn’t right. She had a death grip on both of their hands and didn’t let go as she kicked the door behind them with her foot. Her face was in absolute panic mode.
“Audrey, gotta go,” I quickly bit out, tossing my phone to the couch and rounding it all in the same beat.
With Braden’s hand securely clutched in hers, she reached up and turned the lock. Then I watched as she slumped against the closed door with her eyes tightly sealed. Her breaths were moving raggedly in and out. Her chest was heaving erratically and her obvious discomfort had my own heart rate speeding up.
As far as I could tell, they weren’t harmed, so I tried to keep the calm by walking quickly but with a pace that wouldn’t distress Kate and Braden. I reached over Braden’s head and tapped in the code to arm the alarm system.
“Hey, did you two have fun at the park?” I asked with a bright, forced smile.
“Yeah! Then we raced mommy home!” Kate exclaimed animatedly.
“But mama cheated because she wouldn’t let go of our hands,” Braden laughed while still trying to catch his breath.
I couldn’t even begin to describe how much I admired Raegan in that moment. Whatever was disturbing her, she never let it filter down to the children and that made her the greatest mother I had ever known.
“Okay, go wash your hands, get a drink of water, and then can you guys find some books for me to read?” I asked.
Thankfully, Ash and I had built up a pretty good little library for Kate while Ash was still pregnant. We hit up thrift stores and yard sales every time we saw one, and each time we picked up tons of discounted texts. Happily, they agreed and ran off down the hallway.
Raegan’s eyes were screwed shut and her body was ever so slightly shaking. She had her fist clenched and braced against the door as if she were blocking out all of the evil on the other side.
“Babe,” I whispered, slowly approaching her. “You’re worrying me. What happened?”
Her breath shuddered as she tried to speak, but she was too shaken up. I scooped her up into my arms and moved away from the foyer, closer to the front coat closet. At least over here we were out of eyesight of the kids down the hall.
I slid down the wall so I could sit on the floor and hold her. I began to take deep, steadying breaths in and then slowly releasing them. Over the span of about ten minutes, she started to breathe in time with me. I felt her shaking subside and the racking shudders weren’t so violent anymore. Finally, I sensed the clutch of panic leave me as I felt her take a breath that seemed to be more relief and less anxiety.
My hand ran over her hair and down to her back. The continuous motion seemed to bring her heart rate down to a normal pace. Her nose pushed into the side of my neck and I bent down to kiss her temple—right over her scar. The scar that brought my daughter back to me. I didn’t care how unpleasant Raegan thought it looked, I’d always love it.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” she repeated.
“Don’t ever be sorry. Please, just tell me what happened.”
“I can’t stay in New York, Lane. It’s suffocating me. The buildings and the noise and the people. I can’t breathe…” She said the last word as if she were literally grabbing her next lungful of air.
“Then we’re out of here,” I responded quickly.
“Just like that?” she asked. Her body shifted and she moved her legs so she was straddling my lap while looking up at me.
“Just like that.”
Her arms squeezed around my neck tighter and her lips grazed the skin under my ear. “I ran from an elderly couple,” she whispered, almost silently.
“Come again?”
“There was a couple walking around the playground. For some reason, I just felt like it was them. I know she’s dead, but I got the crazy sense it was her. I grabbed the kids and ran. I’m such a nut case now.”
“It wasn’t her,” I offered gently.
“I understand that now, but—“
“You’re not a nut case. You’re adjusting back to life,” I whispered.
“I ran away from two gray-haired, cane-wielding senior citizens.” A slight chuckle broke through her lips and I knew she was coming back to me…either that or she really was losing it.
“Those old women with canes can be testy,” I jested. She pinched at my side and I grabbed her wrist instantly.
“What is it with you and Audrey pinching my sides?!” I laughed.
“Probably because it’s the only area on your body that actually gives a little bit.”
“Hmm… I’ll have to work on that.”
“You’re ridiculous. If you work on this body anymore, I’ll need my own cane just so I can beat all the women away from you,” she laughed.
I grabbed a hold of her ass in my lap and pulled her even closer to my body. “You claiming me?” The words were practically a growl and I realized our lips were now inches apart.
“Are you saying you’re claimable?” she murmured.
“Depends on the girl…”
“I thought it was just sex.”
“Those were your words, babe. Not mine.”
“I don’t want to just be convenient for you, Lane.” Her eyes shifted away from me, but she continued to speak. “I’m like a mother to Kate so I know she’ll want me around. Kate and Braden love each other so much, and I hope they can always be in each other’s lives. But I feel as if I’m convenient to you, and I don’t want to feel that way. So maybe we shouldn’t…” Her words would have knocked me on my ass if I weren’t already there.
I grabbed a hold of her face and looked directly into her blazing emerald eyes. “The only thing convenient about you is that you’re a woman. Otherwise, you have a saucy mouth, you never let me get away with anything, you jump on problems immediately, you always take the last chip when we share, you hog the covers in bed, sometimes you snore—”
“I do not!” she interrupted.
“Sometimes you snore. And you always use all the hot water. Not to mention, you’re too damn beautiful for your own good.”
“Some of those didn’t sound like problems to me,” she bantered.
“None of those are problems. I just wanted you to know you aren’t convenient. You aren’t easy. I don’t like you because you’re just around. I want you around because of your saucy mouth and the way you attack problems without letting them fester like most girls. I like that you don’t let me get away with anything. I’ll always give you the last chip, and you can take all the hot water you want as long as I can be in the shower with you.”