“On the bright side, hopefully my parents, Larkin, and Jenna have time to make it here.” That earned me a fierce glare and a few loud huffs.
Once she was given her epidural she was able to sleep for a few hours. While she was sleeping her mom and my parents had arrived. I filled them in and we all sat watching Cobie, as if she was going to disappear or the baby was going to crawl out of her belly button.
Cobie abruptly sat up her eyes wide. “Um Gage? I think I need to go to the bathroom. Will you get the nurse?”
Scrunching my face I said, “They put a catheter in when you got your epidural, its fine. Just pee.”
Her eyes got even wider as she shook her head slowly. “I don’t mean pee, Gage,” she gritted out.
Both my mom and hers stood at the same time. My mom looked at me, “I think she needs to be checked again. That may be baby Londyn causing the pressure she is feeling.”
Hitting the nurse call button I asked for Cobie to be checked again.
“Well sweetie, ready or not your baby is on the way. I will start setting everything up and page your doctor.” Cobie’s nurse typed into her computer before grabbing things out of cabinets and pulling shit up to the bed.
I took that brief moment to check my phone. I was hoping Larkin or Jenna had text me letting me know they were close.
Just as the nurse was attaching some strange looking bars with pedals to Cobie’s bed her doctor came through the door. “So I hear early morning is the best time to have a baby.”
This was it. This was the moment we had waited months for. We were about to become parents. Shit was about to get real.
My dad gracefully excused himself when the nurse started pulling the blanket off her and putting her legs in the strange bars.
“Hmm. Now I see.” I said out loud, not thinking.
All eyes shifted to me as the nurse gave a small laugh and said, “I’m guessing you’re talking about the stirrups? They help hold her legs in place while she pushes.”
Giving her a thankful smile I nodded.
“Ok, now Cobie we are going to wait for the next contraction. When I say push I want you to put your chin on your chest and push like you haven’t poo’d for days. I will count to ten then you can take a breath.” Cobie’s doctor took a seat at the foot of her bed and watched the monitor. “Everything looks good, you have a contraction building. Get ready and push. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…push hard…nine…and ten. Deep breath, we’re going again. Push…two…three…”
“Wait! No baby until Aunt Jenna is here!” Jenna came busting through the door, Larkin close behind.
Cobie smiled but kept pushing as her doctor counted. “…and ten. Ok let’s take a break.”
Larkin stopped just inside the door, but Jenna came right up beside me, kissing Cobie’s cheek. “Told you I wouldn’t miss this.”
Cobie let out a sigh of relief. “I tried holding out but I swear it felt like I was going to shit my pants.”
Holding her hand I watched as another contraction started building and her doctor instructed her to push.
At four twelve in the morning on January third, the most beautiful little girl was born. Londyn Hope Tucker came into the world, lungs in full swing. She weighed six pounds nine ounces and was twenty inches long.
Absolute perfection- just like her mom.
The nurse wrapped Londyn in multiple pink and white striped blankets. Once she was bundled up the nurse picked her up. Looking at me and asked, “Daddy, would you like to hold your daughter?”
Reaching out the nurse sat my daughter in my arms. Snuggling her close I felt my tears burning in my eyes. This was my forever. This was my happiness. In that moment I knew what unconditional love felt like. Looking down at my small beautiful little girl I saw all the promise in the world. She made everything ok. Holding her in my arms I found peace.
Londyn blinked her eyes a few times before they finally locked with mine. She had Cobie’s dark brown, expressive eyes. Staring into her eyes, I realized everything I had been through in life was to bring me to the point I was at now. If Jenna wouldn’t have left me Cobie and I never would have happened. Londyn never would have been born. She was my purpose in life. For her I would do anything. Placing a tiny kiss on her nose I whispered, “Hi Londyn Hope, I’m your daddy.” She wiggled around, getting a hand free. She stuck her little fist in the air, as if she was searching for mine. Holding my large fist up I lightly bumped hers. She opened her small hand and wrapped her five itty bitty little fingers around my pinky. She already had me wrapped. Softly kissing her hand I said, “Daddy loves you more than the moon and the stars. You’re safe babygirl.”
Larkin was at my side. He sat his hand on Londyn’s tiny body. “She’s perfect man.”
Looking up I couldn’t help but smile. “Just like her mom.”
“Would you like to meet our daughter?” I asked Cobie. The doctor was finally done cleaning her up and was saying his congratulations.
Cobie looked tired but her smile never faltered. “More than anything.”
Gently, I placed Londyn in Cobie’s arms and took a step back. Cobie looked complete. Seeing her holding hold our daughter made me love her more. It made me realize I wanted us to be a real family. I love Co. I don’t want her to ever doubt that and I don’t want her to think when things get tough I’m going to run.
I needed to talk to Larkin. I wasn’t asking for his approval but I wanted him to know what I was planning. I already knew what sorta wedding Cobie would want. We had talked about that one night, what kinda wedding she would have had if given the chance. I wanted to give her that chance.
Cobie would already leave this earth without living her dream of becoming a doctor. I wasn’t going to let her leave without having her dream wedding.
Taking a seat in the rocking chair by the window I rested my head on my fist. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I wanted to watch Cobie with our daughter.
“She’s beautiful, Gage. I can’t believe you’re a dad.” Jenna scooted her chair up to mine. Not looking at me but at Cobie and Londyn she said, “I’m proud of you. We’re growing up. We have families. I know this isn’t how you pictured our futures but we are both happy. Right?” When she asked she turned to look at me.
Studying Jenna I took a minute to think.
I am happy. I mean, I have a healthy, beautiful little girl. I love her mother and she loves me. Maybe I would be losing her soon but I would always have Londyn. She was my happiness. So then why do I still have an empty feeling?
Looking from Jenna to my daughter I smiled. “I’m as happy as I’m ever going to be. She makes me happy. She makes this ride a little easier. I don’t know how I’m going to do it once Co is gone but I will manage. It’s what I do. It’s what I have to do.”
Jenna placed one arm around my shoulders. “You’re a strong man and you have all the support in the world. You will…we will get through this. But right now, we won’t think about the future. We will focus on now. Focus on your new beautiful and healthy little girl who is the center of your world.” I forced myself to look away from my daughter and to look at Jenna. “The look on your face when you look at Londyn is a look of complete and total love, wonder, and awe.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Londyn is the center of my world. And now, so is Cobie.
Cobie
I was a mommy. I was holding my daughter. This was real. She was real. I was surrounded by family and friends and welcomed my baby into this world. I did it. Now I had to make every day the best as I could.
“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” My mom ran her hand through my hair. “I can’t believe how much she looks just like you.”
Looking over my daughter I saw so much of both Gage and I. “She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.” Laying my head back I rolled it on my shoulders to look at my mom and asked, “How do I do this? How do I pretend everything is normal? It’s not. I’m going to…to die. I feel so damn guilty leaving all this on Gage. This isn’t his fault mom. He doesn’t deserve to be put through this.”