“She honestly thought I was missing. Seriously, if I wanted to see you, I would have done what I did today. It’s not like I didn’t know where to find you.”
He retracts like I’ve punched him in the stomach. Shit. I forgot he had no way to know where I was. He didn’t have that luxury. I changed my address, my mobile number, and my surname.
“Look, I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around myself, seeking some sort of comfort. “My point is I didn’t need to trick you into seeing me.”
“Keep going.” The words are squeezed out between his teeth as he leans his huge frame back against the wall. He’s still keeping his distance from me, when all I want is to be cocooned in his arms.
“For years I haven’t gone anywhere without telling her where I was, and what I was doing.”
There’s a pause as I struggle to find my next words.
“When Mac overdosed, that all changed. I didn’t have to explain my whereabouts. I was free. I had a couple of weeks where I could do what I wanted. And selfishly I took the chance to have a few days to myself. I should have told her, but for the last three years I’ve felt like I was under prison guard. You can’t understand what that’s been like.” My voice shakes and tears well in my eyes, but I won’t let them fall.
“Why?” I watch as Noah puts fragments together in his head. “Did that fucker threaten you?” His eyes darken and his voice is scratchy, as if he’s holding back his emotion.
“Yes. No. Well…” The words won’t come out.
“Did. He. Threaten. You?” he grits out.
His tone allows for no argument, and I know I’m out of options. His patience is wearing thin, and I can’t blame him.
I let out a sigh. “No. He didn’t threaten me.” I’m not ready to tell him the whole story, just yet.
Noah’s gaze pins me. He knows I’m still holding something back. And the tears I’m fighting to hold in escape. I look up at him through my waterlogged lashes.
“He… he threatened you.”
His eyes widen in disbelief before he spins and slams his palms against the wall. “And you didn’t think to fucking tell me? For fuck’s sake.”
He begins to pace in agitation, fists clenched tightly at his sides. “That’s why you pushed me away? Three wasted years, Lizzie. And all you had to do was tell me. You may not have noticed but I’m a big fucking boy, I can look after myself. Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”
“I didn’t want to lose you.” My voice’s soft and a little unsure.
“You thought you’d lose me? Tell me what we’ve got now? If you had just said something, I would’ve killed the bastard. He never would have laid a finger on you again. I could never figure out what hold he had on you. Why I was never enough, why you chose him.” His pacing stops and he turns to me. “But you didn’t, did you?”
“I didn’t have a choice.” I shake my head. “Not in a million years would I have chosen Mac over you.”
He takes determined steps towards me then crouches down before dropping to a knee for support. His large hands come to rest on either side of my thighs. He still doesn’t touch me, but his heat radiates into me. I want to beg him to put his hands on me. His dark eyes search into mine. All that’s reflected is pain and regret.
“What aren’t you telling me?” His soft-spoken words sink right into my heart.
“What do you mean?” He knows me too well, knows I’m only giving as much information as necessary. After all this time, he can still read me.
“What aren’t you telling me, Lizzie? What you have said so far is unthinkable. I just wish you’d told me at the time.” He keeps his eyes locked on mine, his voice still low. “But you’re not telling me something because all of this has been before and during us, not after… I left you.” The last three words catch in his throat. “I’ve still got so many questions, but one needs answering now. You’d lived with the abuse before. What changed?”
He’s patiently waiting for me to answer him. The only visible evidence of his inner turmoil is the constant tic of his jaw. I wrap my arms tighter around myself and pull my gaze from his and down to my knees. I’m not ready for this. Bile rises from my chest, burning its way up my throat.
Noah’s tender fingers touch under my chin, and with a gentle nudge he raises my face, forcing my gaze to meet his.
“Lizzie?”
I’m held hostage by the way his eyes search my soul. “He…” I clear my throat of the words I’m choking on. “He tried to r-rape me.”
There’s no need to say anything else to him.
My body shudders as tears stream down my face. Noah crumples from what I can only assume is agony mixed with rage. His strong arms envelope me and crush me to his chest, and my willing body moves to his. The safe haven and comfort of his arms release a torrent of emotions I can’t control. My tears fall harder and my whole body shakes.
“That bastard better be glad he’s dead.” Noah whispers the words but the anger vibrates in his chest.
And all I can think is, for us, the worst is yet to come.
With a gentle push, I move out of his arms. He examines my face for a few seconds longer before he pushes back on his heels and rises to his feet.
“You should’ve told me.” The raw hurt in his voice entwined with the pure pain on his face sparks hope again.
“I couldn’t take the risk.” I push up off the sofa and come to stand in front of him. “He threatened to kill you. I could never have lived with myself.”
Noah’s burst of sarcastic laughter shocks through me as I stare at him.
“And you think I can live with myself, knowing what happened to you because of some fucking misguided idea you were protecting me?”
“He threatened to kill you!” My voice rises with my heated temper and despair.
Pushing past him, I stalk towards the closed door, Noah on my heels. He reaches me before I can click the lock and spins me around to face him. His arms cage me in against the wall. His heat so close and hitting me exactly where it shouldn’t right now. I breathe him in and all my muscles surrender to his presence. Heat pools between my thighs and my pulse races with desire.
“And it would’ve been fucking preferable to that bastard putting his hands on you.”
His face is so close to mine that if I lean forward my lips will touch his. Burning hazel eyes meet mine and widen as shock takes over his features, finally softening to a look I’ve longed to see for years. I take a breath to calm my fury.
The next move is his.
I’M IN LIZZIE’S face. The anger from a moment ago has subsided. The woman amazes me still. All she’s been through and I can’t help but act like a total bastard.
The sudden realisation that the position we’re in could make her feel threatened sends shockwaves through my body. But she doesn’t wilt away. She stares me down as I have her captured against the wall, pinned between my arms. The hurricane in her eyes swirls at full velocity, and I know I’m trapped in the tornado whipping up. Whether I’m to be sucked in or spat out remains to be seen.
At this proximity, I’m breathing her in. Always rainy days and fucking sunflowers. The swell of my cock drives me to my limit. I’m so close to the edge, it’s enough to send me over.
Fuck it.
I lean down and claim her mouth. Invading it. Taking no prisoners. She pushes her palms against my chest for a fraction of a second before softening in my arms. Passion ignites between us like a blast furnace.
No matter how often I’ve told myself to stay away, that I don’t want or need her, I love this woman. She owns me. My intense desire for her overpowers my fight or flight response, and I give in to desire.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I know this isn’t a good idea. I should be taking my time with Lizzie, but she’s in the driver’s seat after her initial hesitance, and her foot is firmly on the accelerator.