I better get my shit together and start fighting for what I want instead of running away. I’ve been so afraid of being torn to shreds, I’ve never fought. I’ve given up before I’ve begun. She’s got to be mine. I need her to be mine.
I peel off my drenched clothes, have a half-arsed wash, and stagger out of the shower with a new outlook on my life. Basically, stop being a fucking whingeing fucked-up bastard. Yeah, that about sums it up. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I stumble out onto the landing and into the spare room.
Caitlin’s due soon and the room’s stacked with new baby stuff, making me feel like a prize tosser for putting her through one of my meltdowns. I flop down onto the bed and lie spread out like a starfish, sinking into the marshmallow duvet that Cait has put on it. She really loves soft shit. And tonight, I’m grateful.
And as if on cue the world begins to rotate.
“Wakey-wakey, sunshine.” Caitlin’s voice invades my dreamless sleep, jolting me into reality. With a start, I sit up abruptly, silently thankful for spewing my guts up last night, otherwise I’d be on the run to the bathroom.
“Ever heard of privacy?” I grumble at her beaming face.
“Ever heard of clothes?” she counters.
Looking down, I instantly grab for the duvet to cover my morning glory.
“Again, ever heard of privacy?” I snark at her.
“What? Don’t tell me the great Noah ‘Sex God’ Hamilton is shy of little old me seeing his penis?”
“Piss off, Caitlin.”
She chuckles at me as she waddles out of the door. “Noah?” she shouts from the landing.
“Yeah?”
“You pull a stunt like last night again and I’ll be chopping it off in your sleep. Women’s hearts will break all over the world… Oh, and breakfast is ready.”
“Heard you loud and clear, on both counts.”
I heave myself out of bed and shuffle over to the dresser in search of clothes. Finding what I need, I throw them on and head downstairs to find a welcoming committee. Bear’s leant against the kitchen units with a steaming cup of tea in his hands. Spud’s sitting at the breakfast bar reading the morning paper. He and Cait look up as I walk in.
“Morning,” I mumble, looking at the floor, and walk over to Caitlin to give her a hug.
She steps into my arms and I bend down to whisper in her ear. “Thanks for not decapitating Noah Junior, and for giving me yet another chance.” I kiss the top of her head, and she leans back slightly to look up at me then sighs.
“Little brother, I love you. I’d give you a million chances. I just wish I didn’t have to.”
It’s only at this point I realise the effect my piss-poor conduct has been having on my family. I glance around the room and stare at the guys, then back at Cait. Everyone looks like death warmed up. I release Caitlin and go make myself a cup of coffee. They’re all uncharacteristically quiet like they are waiting for me to say something. I spoon in the coffee granules, add a couple of sweeteners, and pour in a splash of milk, then turn to address my adoring crowd.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I feel like I’m on the naughty step and waiting for punishment.
Bear’s the first to respond. “Shit, man, you’re going to be the death of all of us. You do realise that, don’t you?”
“Look, I know I’ve been dealing badly but—”
“Badly?” He cuts me off. “More like you bought a one-way ticket to hell. Do you have any idea the amount of shit I had to deal with from Layla? You owe me, mate, and when I say owe me, I mean it’s a give-me-your-first-born sort of debt. That woman is hell on wheels.”
He talks to Layla? When the hell did they become friends?
Bear may sound pissed, but there’s a glint in his eye, which isn’t usually there.
He continues. “Normally I don’t give a shit, mate, but do you know if you screwed anyone last night?”
“Why the fuck is everyone so interested in whether or not I got fucking laid last night?” I glare at him.
“It may have to do with the fact that Lizzie was just a little annoyed you didn’t finish something you started, and was exceptionally troubled at the thought of you finishing it somewhere else.”
Well, fuck me. “She told you?”
“What? God no, but I’ve been getting shit from Layla all night. What do you think that was about?” Shit, how much does he tell this woman?
Initially I’m stunned into silence, but then my annoyance surfaces. “It wouldn’t matter a shit if I fucked every single woman in the northern hemisphere. She sure as hell doesn’t need me, she’s got someone else.”
“Are you completely deranged, Noah?” This comes from Spud.
“Why would you ask me that?” I whip my head around to glare at him, but it’s Cait who answers.
“Have you actually listened to anything she’s said to you?”
My head’s splitting, my sanity has frayed and my family is ganging up on me in Lizzie’s defence.
What the fuck?
“I’ve heard every damn word she’s said,” I snap. “Why do I get the feeling you all know something I don’t?”
I glance around at my family and their faces tell me all I need to know without them opening their mouths. Again, what the fuck?
“Well, is anybody going to fill me in?”
They all look at each other and then simultaneously shake their heads.
Cait walks over to me and places her hand on my forearm. “You need to hear what she has to tell you, and this time, you need to listen.”
Bear leans forward and places his mug down. “Cheers for the coffee, but I’ve got to run,” he states, nodding towards the clock on the wall. He fist bumps Spud and then thumps me hard on the back. “Don’t get yourself in any shit today. I’ve got a really busy day.”
“I’m not a fucking child,” I retort.
“Then stop behaving like one,” Bear answers coldly.
“What’s so childish about getting wasted?”
“It’s not the getting wasted part that’s the problem. It’s the burying your head in the sand shit. I’ve told you before, man the fuck up and sort your shit out, before it’s too late. We’ve pulled you back from the precipice once. Now you need to do that shit on your own.” Bear sighs and his shoulders drop. “Look, man, there’s a bigger picture here and you need to see it for yourself.”
What the hell do I say to that?
THE MEMORIES OF the previous afternoon cling in my mind. The smouldering touch of Noah’s roaming hands burning trails over my skin. His greedy mouth taking everything from my lips, demanding surrender. The heat from his desperate body moving deep inside mine. My nether regions clench at the memory. Sighing, I shift in bed trying to relieve the tingling feeling.
My thoughts slip from passion to devastation. He left me again. The fuzzy feeling wilts. Reliving the pain of seeing the fire in his eyes being extinguished grasps at my heart. I have only ever seen his eyes darken that much once before. The day I ripped our worlds apart. Swiping the tears, which track down my cheeks, I shift again and wrap my arms around myself.
Why couldn’t he just listen?
Restless, I get up and out of the warmth and comfort of Layla’s guest bed. Heading out of the room, I go and stick my head in Layla’s room. She’s not there.
“Boo?”
“In here,” her muffled reply sounds from the bathroom.
“You want me to stick the kettle on?” I ask through the door.
“No need. I’ve already made a pot of tea. I’ll be down in a minute.”
I nod my head, though she can’t see me, and amble my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, still dressed in my pyjamas. Layla’s kitchen is such a homely place. Being an old Victorian town house, there are fireplaces in most rooms, and she’s restored them all. The one in the kitchen is lit, giving off a warm glow and gentle heat, which is comforting, and takes the chill off the cool summer morning.