Her walls squeeze me as she reaches climax, my name leaving her lips as a prayer, and it drags me over the precipice with her. My balls tighten, and each pulse of release comes hard and fast. I growl her name and thrust a few more times before we both collapse onto the bed, panting and fighting for breath. Our bodies slick from the intense exertion as I hover over her.
As I roll off of her back and onto my side, I pull her back into me. Her body wrapped up so close into mine is such a foreign feeling, but it’s so right, so natural. She nuzzles back into the crook of my shoulder and lets out a content sigh and I can’t resist smiling at the sound.
I lean forward and place a tender kiss to her forehead. “For the record, next time, I’m making love to you.”
I feel her smile against my chest. “Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
My throat tightens at her words. They’re genuine and so fucking real. Her words have never sounded truer. “I love you, too, angel.” I don’t think she’ll ever know how much.
A bad feeling creeps up inside of me and tugs on my gut. The nervousness creates a million stampeding elephants in my stomach. My real problem lurks in the background, unspoken, and gnaws at my conscience. Will she want me when she knows the truth? When she knows what I am? I shake my head to try and rid the nagging voice, but it remains.
The reality of being in love with someone who knows nothing about the things I’ve done weighs heavily in my thoughts. It didn’t matter before because I lost her, anyway. But now she’s here and she deserves to know what she’s letting herself in for. It’s only fair. But I don’t want fair. I selfishly want her. And I’ll go to any lengths to keep her, and my son.
Even if it means hiding the real me.
NOAH’S HEARTBEAT RACES under my ear. In the past, by now it would have been steady, satisfied, a dull thud lulling me to sleep. His sexual presence is all over my body, like a slow burn over my skin. Sighing, I roll over onto my back. He moves with me, lying on his side with his head propped on one hand. He’s outstanding to look at. Breathtakingly handsome. His dark, chiselled features display an air of contentment, but his racing heart tells me a different story. Something’s wrong with him, and I can’t help but think it’s Kai on his mind.
His fingers dance over my stomach, but they tense slightly. He pushes up off the bed to take a closer look at what I know will be the six-inch, barely-there white scar. His eyes roam where his fingers stroke on my lower abdomen.
“What’s this?” His voice is dangerously low and filled with concern.
The reaction to the small scar makes me smile. He thinks someone’s hurt me. I’m surprised by his reaction, although I know I’ve told him some things which would make him think that way. His hazel eyes turn dark as they flick between my eyes and where his fingers rest.
“That’s my Kai smile.” I’m lucky; a lot of women have issues surrounding their caesarean mark, with misaligned skin and saggy bits. Mine just looks as though someone has drawn a fine line on me with a white marker pen.
A look of confusion crosses his face for a second then his eyes soften as he registers the information. His fingers trail the line over and over again.
“I’ve missed too much.”
The pain in his voice tugs at my heart. I knew keeping Kai from him would hurt him. I just didn’t realise how much. He didn’t seem like he wanted to have children, although we’d never discussed it. I should have known. As an adopted child, he would never turn his back on his own.
His eyes sear into mine. “Tell me about it?”
I brush my fingers across the scruff on his chin. “I’d been in labour for nine hours when they discovered he’d moved. I don’t know if you know, but babies should come out crown first.” I rub my hand on the stubble on his head to show him where I mean. “But Kai was trying to push out forehead first. Babies’ heads don’t compress that way.”
My lips lift into a smile. “He was never coming out with his head at that angle, so he was stuck in the birth canal.” I shrug my shoulders as if what I’m going to say next is no big deal. “I had to have an emergency caesarean.”
With wide eyes, his large hand presses flat against my stomach. The rough pads of his fingers flex against it.
“You should never have had to go through that without me.” He gives a shake of his head and his eyes flare. “I’d bet you were beautiful when you held my baby in here.” His gruff voice is full of emotion as he leans over and touches his lips to my skin, sending tremors across my tummy.
“Oh, sure. I looked like a whale.” It’s an automatic response, but his tenderness is undoing me.
“Whales are beautiful, majestic, and graceful.” His eyes lock onto me, as tears brim and threaten to fall from mine.
“I’m so sorry.” I choke the words out. The emotions he’s inducing in me overpower all my senses. If I said ‘sorry’ every day for the rest of my life, it would still not be enough. It will never ease the guilt I carry.
“Hey.” His thumb rubs over my cheek, sweeping away the tears, which have begun to fall. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re here. You’re safe. If I had to choose between keeping you both safe and my feelings, your safety would win every time. You made the right choice. If you’d told me, I would’ve come for you. No matter what. I understand why you didn’t want that.”
My tears fall harder, trailing down my heated cheeks. I have waited so long for his forgiveness. I’ve tormented myself for years thinking I’d never hear it. That I didn’t deserve it. For him to understand, even if just a fraction, humbles me.
His glowing eyes search my face. “I love you. You’re my fucking everything. Don’t ever forget it.” The conviction in his words reinforces the look in his eyes. Strong arms wrap around me and bring me to rest on his chest.
“This tattoo’s new.” My fingers start to trace the ink covering his left pec.
“Yeah.” His lazy smile graces his lips, and he hardens against my thigh. I sigh against his skin, sending a shockwave of goose bumps across his chest. “Keep that shit up and I’m tying you to the bed, and fucking you to within an inch of your life. As I recall, I promised to make love to you next time, so you better move. Your soft touch is killing me.” His low, gravelly voice rumbles under my ear, accompanied by the thud of his heart.
One of his hands slaps down on my bum cheek causing it to sting in pleasure. “Get that pretty arse up, I’ve got my son to meet.” On the last words, his voice cracks a little.
Raising my head from his chest, I gaze into his eyes. Expecting to find the hurt I’ve seen for the last week or so, my breath catches when I see nothing but pure happiness. The dark hazel glows almost amber with the light that shines in them. I fight to pull my gaze away from his, and slide my body over him to get up.
He relaxes back on his bed, left hand behind his head, and the right resting across his perfect six-pack. One leg raised and one straight. His thick erection is still hard and lies proudly against his lower abdomen, tempting me in a way which has me clenching in anticipation. I force myself to look away to find my underwear as his eyes burn into me.
“What are your plans now?” His husky after-sex lilt is still present in his voice.
I stare back at him, fighting the urge to climb back on top, and slip one leg into my knickers followed by the other. Noah gives me confidence in my body; something only he manages to produce. “What do you mean by plans?”