Guess the guys have made up.
Boo goes and grabs hold of Ted’s hand. “Come on, handsome. You’re taking me down the new wine bar for a drink.” I can see the protest coming in his eyes and his brows pinch, but she cuts him off with a glare. “We can get some ice for that glass jaw of yours, too.” She smirks at him.
“You’ll pay for that.” He dips, grabs her around the waist, and lifts her onto his shoulder.
With Boo squealing and yelling, a chuckling Ted carries her out the door, and I turn around to find Noah missing.
What the hell?
I pace into the hallway but come to a halt when I see him standing in the doorway to the lounge. Tension is evident across his stiff shoulders, and I’m desperate to see his face. With a pounding heart, I will myself forward. Coming up behind him, I place a hand on his arm. His gorgeous head turns and his eyes find mine. The burn in them is something new, something I’ve never seen before, and reserved only for the little boy playing cars on the floor.
“Go on, I’ll wait here.” I manage to croak out the words, my emotions going off the scale. I’ve dreamed of this day so many times over the years, but I never dared hope it would ever happen. In front of me, my dreams are coming true.
He pulls his eyes from mine and takes a deep breath. When he steps into the room, Kai turns to look at him, and a smile so similar to Noah’s lights his face.
“Hey, little man.” Noah’s deep voice, choked with emotion, flows into my ears and I can’t see anything else, as tears run freely down my face. This is all I ever wanted. This is how it always should have been.
L ITTLE MAN…
My heart’s in my throat as I observe my son while he plays cars. I soak in everything about him, from his thick, dark hair to the dimple on his left cheek, so like his mum’s when she smiles. My gaze roams further down to his tiny hands. Chubby fingers grasp onto a die-cast Ducati and a black Mustang.
Fuck.
I turn to Lizzie, as a small but peaceful smile tugs at her full lips. She has introduced fragments of my life into his. The sting at the back of my eyes burns fiercer, as I fight to gain control of my emotions. All along, she wanted me in his life. Blood rushes through my veins and my whole body shakes with apprehension.
She wanted him to know me.
My attention returns to Kai, who’s now on his hands and knees, while he zooms the vehicles across the carpet, then bashes them together. Vrooming and crashing noises accompany the actions like any other little boy. But for my boy to be doing it, tugs at my heart so hard it almost stops.
He looks up from his playthings and stares straight into my eyes, his little dark brown ones lighting up at the prospect of a playmate. I take a few slow steps forward, get down onto my knees, and sit back on my heels. He drops his toys, pushes himself off the floor, and toddles over to me. Little feet nudge my knees as he stops directly in front of me. I can’t help the tears surging down my cheeks, or the stupid smile on my face.
His beauty overwhelms me.
My boy.
Tiny hands touch my face. Then his face breaks out into a toothy grin, and he says, “‘Ars.” He points towards his cars.
“Would you like me to play cars with you, little man?” I ask him.
His easy acceptance of a stranger unnerves me. I make a mental note to talk to Lizzie about it later. I’ve got no right to dictate to her how she should do things, but fuck, that scares the shit out of me.
“Yeash. Wanna p’ay ‘ars wiv me?” He grabs my hand and tugs.
I glance back at the doorway to see Lizzie with tears tracking down her cheeks. The happiest look I’ve ever seen graces her face. She shines like fucking Christmas as she smiles at me, and then retreats away out of sight.
My eyes move back to Kai, who hasn’t let go of my hand, but has continued to tug on it. The trust in his eyes annihilates me. I take a second to try and balance my emotions and wipe my eyes.
“Come on then. Let’s play cars.”
I spend the next half hour zooming and crashing cars and bikes as I try to talk to my son. Even though conversation with a two-year-old is not what I would call easy, I love every minute of it. Lizzie comes in a couple of times and watches us, but doesn’t involve herself.
Finally she says, “Bedtime, poppet.”
He looks her full in the face, with a complete look of disgust on his. “No, ‘ars.”
I try to hide my laugh behind my hands, as she scowls at me to hide her own.
“Daddy will play cars with you again tomorrow.” The tenderness in her voice as she speaks warms me, along with the word tomorrow.
He looks up at me with wide, hopeful eyes. “Da-dad, ‘ars?”
My heart almost explodes. I’ve never wanted to hear those words, never thought of myself worthy enough to deserve them. But fuck, I’d trade everything I own to hear the little boy in front of me say them again.
“Best do as Mummy says, Kai.” I stand up and smile down at him. “We don’t want her getting grumpy.”
Lizzie rolls her eyes at me, as he goes to toddle out of reach. She scoops him up into her arms before he can make a break for freedom.
“Do you want Daddy to give you your milky before bedtime?” His little eyes meet mine before he turns back to his mum.
“Da-dad, ‘ilky.” His little voice talks to my soul.
Lizzie throws a nervous glance my way. “Is that okay?”
Really? She’s asking me that.
“There’s nothing I would rather be doing, but I haven’t got a clue what to do.”
Panic rushes through me. I’m a fucking mechanic; he doesn’t have a cylinder head, brake callipers, or an exhaust. What do I do? With Kai wrapped around her, she takes a few steps towards me, then passes him into my open arms.
“You’ll learn,” she says gently. “Just snuggle down with him on the settee and I’ll fetch his milk.”
A few seconds later I’m sitting on the sofa with Kai on my lap, his head snuggled up on my chest. He’s gone all sleepy and I feel like I’ve won the fucking lottery. I bury my nose in his dark, fuzzy hair and my senses are engulfed by his smell. Something so unique to him, but at the same time so familiar. I could bury my nose in there for fucking days.
When Lizzie walks back in she stops in her tracks, her hand flies to her mouth. A choked sob emits from her chest as she stares wide-eyed at the two of us. I finally realise, in this moment, that it’s all she’s ever wanted. She could tell me until the cows come home that she did, but real emotion can’t be faked, especially not the ones written all over her face. Those grey eyes of hers are soft and filled with pure, unadulterated love, so honest in its simplicity.
She comes over and snuggles up to my side on the sofa. Kai sleepily takes the plastic beaker of milk from her hands and starts sipping it. His weight gets heavier as he relaxes further. The quiet suckling noises he makes lull me into a place of complete peace.
My gaze finds Lizzie’s and I can’t look away. Her mouth is upturned in a fucking gorgeous smile.
She captured my heart years ago, and she can fucking keep it. They can keep it. It belongs to them. I knew I loved her, but her being back? Having Kai? Love seems inadequate to explain what I feel.
She snuggles her head onto my shoulder. Her hand finds mine, our fingers entwine, and my thumb traces over her soft skin.
Home. I’m finally fucking home. I struggle to swallow past the dry lump in my throat.
My head falls back to rest on the soft leather and I stare at the ceiling, just enjoying the closeness and warmth of my family.