After a few minutes, Lizzie shifts away. “His eyes are drooping; it’s time to get him to bed.” She gestures towards Kai, and sure enough he’s fighting to keep them open. A pang of fear runs through me. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want her to go.
She pushes off of the sofa and the fear heightens, constricting my chest.
“You two are moving in with me, tomorrow,” I blurt out, my tone every bit demanding.
It’s not up for discussion, but she’ll tell me straight, regardless of how fucking domineering I am. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about her. She doesn’t take my shit. She’ll stand up to me regardless. Challenge me. And it’s hot as fucking hell. I just pray now is not one of those moments. I need them to be with me. I can’t let them go now.
Not ever.
Her eyes search my face. I’m not sure what she’s looking for. They flare with heat and then soften. For the first time I can see love clearly in her eyes. It’s unguarded and swirling in the depths. It’s as innocent and pure as the little man in my arms.
She nods her head and sucks in a breath. “Are you sure, Noah?” A sad smile crosses her face. “It’s a lot to take us both on. I know he’s yours, but you haven’t lived this life.”
I can feel the disappointment building. She gets down on her knees in front of me and places a hand on my thigh. “I’m not saying I don’t want to, but I have to think about the two of us. That little boy in your arms can’t be discarded when the going gets tough. Or if he doesn’t fit into the life you want to lead—’’
“I would—” I begin to argue.
“Let me finish. Please.” Her eyes beg with me to be quiet. I give in and nod at her to continue. She can spout whatever bollocks she wants to, it’s not going to change my mind.
“If that’s what you truly want, then there’s nothing more I would like. But please just think about it. You will always be in his life, no matter what you choose. I would never keep him away from you, not now. I just don’t want you to jump into something you’ll regret and he’ll be caught up in the middle. I won’t do it to him, or me.”
She finally shuts the fuck up.
“Stand up.” My voice is hoarse.
She complies, her wary eyes flicking over to mine, and she wraps her arms around herself. It’s a habit of hers when she’s tense. I adjust a now sleeping Kai in my arms to enable me to stand up. With great care, I lay him back on the sofa and turn to Lizzie.
Reaching for her shoulders, I give them a gentle squeeze with each hand before sliding them down around her waist, and pulling her hard against me. Her heartbeat races and I feel each frantic pulse through her clothes.
“I will say this fucking once, so you better listen.”
Her hands tentatively creep up onto my chest, which makes my fucking cock twitch. Gliding one of my hands up her back, I grasp onto the nape of her neck.
“You, and that little boy, are my fucking universe. I don’t give one flying fuck about tough times. And if you think for one fucking minute that my life hasn’t already changed, you’re wrong.”
Her hands come up to cup my face and I fight my body tooth and nail to get out what I need to say, instead of resorting to burying myself in her, and saying it with my dick.
“When I walked away from you, I didn’t live. I existed. The first time I saw you outside the coffee shop, my reason to live returned. Yeah, I’ve been a bastard to you and I’m sorry—”
“Noah—” Her eyes grow wide and hopeful.
“No. I’m sorry. You need to know that you are my fucking life. Whatever life throws at us”—my voice cracks as I move my hands to her face, my thumb tracing her cheek—“I’m prepared to face it head-on. I’m not letting you go again. I’m not going to be a weekend dad, and I’m not having my son not know me.”
The corner of my mouth lifts in a half smile and her eyes glisten at me. “You think the pair of you will make my life difficult? You couldn’t be more fucking wrong. I didn’t have a life before you walked back in it. And I’ll be fucked if I’m letting you go again.”
My eyes bore into hers, willing her to understand what they both mean to me. Her sight shifts to my lips and my hesitance evaporates. My mouth claims hers. Controlling my need to brand her as mine, I take my time. As her lips part, my tongue entwines with hers with gentle strokes. Her taste drives me to the edge as I tug on her bottom lip with my teeth. Hard as stone, I press her against me tighter and a moan escapes her lips. The beckoning pulse in my jeans lets me know I need to pull away. My good intentions of not pushing this further will be extinguished if I don’t.
My breath’s as ragged as hers as we pull apart. Our eyes meet as we pant in unison. I could get lost in her gaze for days. My arms pull her back against me, wrapping her so close she’s part of me. She’s the only part I need.
“We better get Kai to bed.” My breathy whisper sends tremors down her body.
She nods into my chest but doesn’t move.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“I was sold on ‘my fucking universe.’”
A laugh bursts out of me as I hold her away from me. “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you?”
Her eyes flare and the flecks glint like sunshine on water. “I think I’m beginning to realise.”
Bringing my hand down, it cracks soundly on her arse and her laugh reverberates in my chest.
“Come on, let’s get our little boy comfortable.” My heart swells with the words.
Lifting him up in my arms, his sleepy dead weight falls against my chest, and once again, it overwhelms me. A thought crosses my mind. I’ve never had anything or anyone I feared losing, before, not even my life. But her? Fuck yeah. If I lost her now, I’d lose him. Neither is a risk I’m prepared to take.
We go up the stairs of Layla’s home and place Kai on a bed. Leaning against the wall of the bedroom, my eyes take in everything Lizzie does. Gently undressing Kai, changing his nappy, and dressing him in his pyjamas, all while he sleeps. The reality of how much I have to learn hits hard. When she’s finished, she places a feather-light kiss on his forehead before turning to face me. So much love fills her eyes, it’s humbling.
“May I?” I ask, my voice gruff.
She beams at me. “You don’t have to ask to kiss your own son goodnight.”
Walking over, I grasp her to my side as I lean in to kiss him, the same way she did. Straightening up, I spin her so we are face-to-face.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” It’s still early evening, but I want to hold her close. Feel her skin on mine.
Her eyes burn as she nods and leads me to another room. We collapse on the bed and she snuggles up into my side, lifting her head and laying it onto my chest to watch me. Propping my head on my arm, I wrap the other around her, drawing her closer, but unable to get close enough.
“Do you want to order pizza?” she asks, eyes full of humour.
“What? Like we used to?” Memories flood my mind of afternoons spent in bed eating pizza and watching old black and white films. She loves them. I think they’re shit, but I watched the fucking things anyway.
She gives me a slow nod of her head, like she’s unsure.
“Can I choose the film?” I joke, my cheeky grin displayed at full throttle.
She laughs and shakes her head but replies, “Yes, if you want to.”
My lips touch her forehead, and she sighs as she cuddles deeper into me. For me, it can’t get any better. I have everything I need right here. I’ll even let her watch whatever shit film she wants because she’s happy and in my arms.
She pushes up and onto her elbow so she can see my face, scanning me like I’ve watched her do many times. She takes in each feature like it’s the last time she’ll see it. A small smile always plays on her lips when she does it, and I wonder what she’s thinking.