Noah’s words sting as each one hits home. If I didn’t know him better I’d believe every word spoken.
But I don’t.
His muscles are rigid yet fluid at the same time, his choice of words calculated, yet they pour out of him with ease. Every look, every laugh, every sneer developed and deployed with accuracy. Every part of the infuriating man seems to be under control. Except one.
His eyes.
He thinks the colour of my eyes resemble a storm. But his? They are like autumn leaves. The beautiful ones as the summer weather turns and they glow golden on the trees before they fall to earth to turn into an autumn brown. But now his eyes are as dark as the leaves weathered by the rain, mulched into mush. His eyes are black.
Anger wells inside me, but deep down I know he’s lying, so I try to focus on that. The only way to win this, to win him, is to play him at his own game. He thinks being a bastard will drive me away, so I turn the tables. Because if he thinks I’m walking away without a fight, then he’s wrong. And I can play just as dirty. Crossing my arms over my front, I reach for the hem of my top, and I pull it up over my head, revealing myself to him. My arm twinges with the motion. But it’s overridden by the intense desire flooding my body.
“I’ve missed you inside me, Noah.”
His eyes widen and the sudden rise in his chest tells me he wasn’t expecting my consent. As I scan over him, the impressive bulge in his jeans grows bigger, but he makes no move towards me.
I’m well aware my nipples are straining against the fabric of my bra and the clench down below at the sight before me is doing nothing to tame them.
“I need you.” I take a step closer and his eyes lighten a fraction. He swallows deep then gives a disbelieving shake of his head as the corner of his lips curl in a lopsided half-hearted sneer.
On the inside, I’m shaken, unsure I’m doing the right thing. It could push him further away instead of drawing him out. Second-guessing my counter move is going to get me nowhere. I made my decision and now I have to follow through.
His dark gaze roams over every crevice of my exposed skin. His whole body quivers, his jaw tics and the muscles corded in his arms undulate with every movement from his flexed fists. It’s clear he’s fighting me and it relaxes me a little. His whole body screams for my touch, for my hands to trail over his skin, for my fingers to tighten around his thick shaft rearing against its confines. The only way I can see to break his barrier is to push forward and do what we both desperately need. I step closer and place a hand on his broad, heaving chest as his wary eyes watch every move I make.
“Don’t.” He reaches up and clasps his hand over mine to stop it from moving, but doesn’t pull it away. “Please, angel.” His eyelids clamp down but when they reopen his eyes are molten honey and they take my breath away. “I’m not what you need.” He closes his eyes again and takes a shaky breath. “Do you know what I thought when I saw you gagged and bound? Do you know what went through my mind?”
He tilts his head but I remain silent. “How hot you looked. How I wanted to fuck you like that, while you were scared and vulnerable. I wondered how your trembling body would feel under my fingers, and with my cock buried deep inside you.” When he opens them, the lava is replaced with ice. “Why would you want a man who thought of fucking you when you were terrified?”
Every word he utters is designed to drive me away, make me hate him. But the cracks in the ice already begin to show, the heat behind them melts the false front he’s trying to hold on to.
“Because the man I want wouldn’t dream of doing those things.” Tilting my head, I half smile at him. “Well, he would, just not in that particular situation. And I’m more than willing to try anything once, as long as it’s with him.” Stepping in close enough to feel the heat radiate from his body, I keep my gaze locked on his, and brush the fingers of my free hand against his jaw. The overlong scruff sends electric bolts through my fingertips. “The man I want would give up his own life to protect what’s his.” Standing on my tiptoes, I graze my lips against his. He shudders against me, his resolve close to breaking down. “The man I want fucks me senseless with his words, and his body, knowing full well everything I am belongs to him.” His eyes flare. “From the first time he laid his hands on me, he’s owned me inside and out. So, Noah, are you that man?”
His fingers weave into my hair, and the rough tug ignites a deep throb right where I need him. Right now he’s raw, vulnerable, and a flight risk. The way he searches my face gives him away. He looks for a glimmer of doubt, any sign of a lie, anything that gives him reason to turn round and walk.
“I have the blood of an animal, a monster inside of me.” His gaze burns into mine, the dare clear in his eyes.
Keep pushing, Noah.
“No, you have the blood of a fighter, a survivor. You’re not going to succeed, you know. I’m not leaving without what I came here for.”
He dips his head to my neck and runs his nose along the delicate skin, and the intake of air he takes as he breathes me in sets me alight. “My brother tried to rape you.” His hot breath caresses my ear and sends a shudder through my body, but I suck in air at his callous words. It’s a low blow, but he’s attempting his final assault. The last thing that would drive me away. But he’s nothing like Mac.
“You’ve only ever loved me. This here, your words, driving me away, you’re protecting me.” It’s time for me to strike back. “We have a son. Is he a monster?” I shudder inside as I say the words. I’m not one for using our son in any argument, but here and now, I have no choice. Kai can smash this barrier Noah’s built between us if I’m to gain my family back.
His face contorts, the hand in my hair releases, and he pulls away leaving me bereft of his heat. My words are harsh but he needs to understand he’s no animal, no monster. He’s fighting demons that don’t exist in him. He turns away from me and clasps his hands behind his head.
“He’s a little boy. Not a monster.” His words are whispered.
“But he has your blood in his veins; from what you’re saying that would make him one.”
He spins around, hands clenched at his sides. “No. It doesn’t.”
The anger on his face makes me take a step back, but if I give up now I’ll lose him forever.
“By your own words it does. Your whole argument is either valid and covers our son, or it’s not and it doesn’t. If it’s invalid for Kai then how in the hell can you judge yourself by an argument you refuse to accept for our son? He has your blood in his veins.”
He starts to pace, taking one angry step after another. His arguments hold no weight and he knows it. Though he may have some darkness in his blood, it doesn’t own him, doesn’t define the man he is. I keep my eyes on him and watch as he tears himself apart. His internal battle subsides and his shoulders drop as all fight leaves him.
He collapses down onto a large toolbox, his head falls into his hands, and his fingers claw into his scalp. I get down on my hands and knees and crawl over to him, settling myself between his legs.
“What if I hurt you? What if I hurt Kai?” The sadness in his tone squeezes my heart to the breaking point.
“You never would. Stop doing this to yourself.”
“I can’t be certain. What if I’m like them? Wha––”
“You aren’t,” I interrupt.
But he continues. “What if more people like Archie come for us? You will always be at risk if you are in my life. Kai will be at risk. I can’t control that.” The true reasons behind his behaviour start to come out. The reason he’s shut himself away, why he wouldn’t see me, why he wouldn’t come home.
“I’m prepared to take the risk.” I keep my tone even and gentle. Noah will always protect me. I have no doubts there.
“Well I’m not.”
“Noah…”
He flies from his seat. “No.”
He doesn’t understand that he means everything to me. And every dark thought he has about himself is simply not true. Yes, there is bad everywhere in the world, but with him by my side there isn’t any storm we can’t weather together. Getting to my feet, I begin to beg. “We need you. I need you. We miss you.”