“I need suction, fuck, Sam, give me the goddamn suction now.”
Sam fumbled as he tried to pass the suction to Chase. The tubing disconnected.
“Fuckin’ A, you’ve gotta be kidding me.” Blood sprayed everywhere. Chase was covered; Sam was soaked. The patient’s heart monitor beeped frantically with sounds that I knew I never wanted to hear. I was sick.
“Shit, Carl!” Nothing. “Carl! What the fuck! You over there, what the hell are you doing? You obviously aren’t fucking monitoring the patient. You better snap out of whatever the hell you’re doing ... hang some fucking blood, goddammit. Sam, step away from the table now—run, I mean run and get more blood.”
Sam stepped back and tore his bloody gown from his body and ran.
“Dr. Colton, here, here, I got the suction back up and running.” Carol calmly handed him the working suction.
“Blood’s being hung.” Dr. Jennings seemed back in the game.
“Lili, I want you out of here now!”
My legs were shaky. I paused to get my bearings.
“Fuck, Lili, I said now.”
I made a beeline for the swinging door. I ripped off my mask, gasping for air. I had never been in a situation so intense. Uncontrolled tears streamed down my face. I was glued to the window, watching the blood bath in front of me unfold. Chase barked orders as the nurses moved frantically around the room opening new supplies, making phone calls, all the while staring at the heart monitor watching the life in front of them slowly slip away. My heart was breaking. Time stopped. My eyes bounced from the meaningless numbers on the monitor to Chase and back. Carol examined the blood collecting in the suction container, and from what I could tell it seemed to be tapering off.
But Chase’s eyes told the true story. The fear and pure panic in his eyes moments ago now seemed to regress. I unfortunately knew that feeling all too well.
I remained frozen, unable to move if I wanted to. The breath I held finally released. I was emotionally and physically attached to this moment. I wanted to hold him. I needed to tell him that he singlehandedly saved his patient’s life.
Hours later, Chase finally stepped away from the table and ripped his bloody gown and mask from his body. Blood was splattered across his neck. He tipped his chin down to examine his chest. In one fluid motion his scrub top came to stop at his feet. Holy Crap.
Our eyes locked through the window, and within a moment, he was through the swinging door, slowly devouring me with his extremely emotional gaze. He paused a moment to wash the splattered blood from his face and neck before reaching for me. His gentle touch was surprising as our fingers entwined, edging me forward. I followed his pull, causing my mind and heart to equally race. We exited the scrub sink room with some urgency and made our way down the hall.
“Where are we going?” I was breathless.
He was silent, stopping at the first on-call room. Releasing my hand, he opened the door and flipped on the light. Why were we in this room?
He turned around to face me. The teasing tiny peeks of sun kissed chiseled chest and abs were now completely exposed and burned into my brain. Unintentionally or not, my eyes continued their downward track. His scrub pants sat low on his hips, revealing the most erotic V-cut I had ever laid eyes on. My breath caught.
He reached to a high shelf to grab a towel. A beautiful tattoo ran along the edge of his ribs. It seemed to be some sort of Chinese characters. My eyes slowly rebounded. He wiped the sheen of perspiration off his face, neck and chest, dropping the towel to the floor. Then, in one fluid, perfectly timed motion, he stepped toward me. Our faces were only inches apart, allowing his soft breath to mix with mine. He cupped my cheeks, pushed me against the wall, and claimed my mouth. I stiffened in response, even though I had dreamt of this moment. I guess I was a little shocked that I’d read his very subtle signs. He wanted me. My heart pounded against my chest, and I let myself relax against his warmth. I parted my lips letting him in, urging him on. My mind spun with a desire I never knew I had. His tongue tangled with mine, delicately exploring my mouth. I matched him movement for movement, drinking in an intoxicating mixture of sweat, mint and clean crisp aftershave. He clutched the nape of my neck and brought me closer, deepening the kiss into a hungry need. I moaned quietly in spite of myself. He groaned in response and pressed harder against me. Never in my life had I ever been kissed like this. Kissed with this much passion. It was amazing. My hands entwined in his hair, coaxing him on. My legs weakened as he ran his strong hands along the curves of my body. My skin was more sensitive than I ever remembered. The thick protective shell I’d built over so many years to protect myself from a moment like this started to crumble into a million pieces.
“Fuck.” He pulled away.
Oh god, please don’t stop. I gripped my stomach and squeezed, hoping to relieve the deep ache in my core.
He yanked his cell from his back pocket. “Shit, I have to take this.” He stepped back further. He was as breathless as I was.
I stood in silence and listened to the one-sided conversation unfold. My lips trembled.
“What ... of course I know ... I would never fucking forget. I can’t come today ... I don’t give a shit if she needs me...” He pressed end on the call and looked at me. The tension in his eyes alone was palpable. “I have to go.” He turned and left the room.
Tears pricked the back of my eye.
7
Pause
“This green and yellow bullshit sucks,” Sierra snapped.
“I told you that three months ago. It’s your own fault. You’re the one who didn’t want to find out the sex at your ultrasound. Remember, all that meaning of life nonsense, and there-are-no-true-surprises ridiculousness?”
“Fine, you’re right! I’m calling my OB for another ultrasound stat. What a waste of time!”
We just spent two hours trying to register her. I should have been annoyed, but I couldn’t care less. My head wasn’t in it. I was hungry, and my legs ached from my fourteen-mile run this morning.
“Whatever you want,” was all I could muster. My head was so not into this.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been quiet all morning. Spill it.”
“Nothing, I’m starving and it’s insanely hot.” She wasn’t buying it. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. Let’s just go.”
“Fine, my place. Dodd’s out pretending to be domesticated. You can help me decide which wall the crib should go on in the nursery.” She hailed a cab. “Then you can start talking.”
We both slid across the seat. I rolled down my window. “Walnut and Rittenhouse Square, please.”
The five-minute drive was quiet as I tried to tease apart what was going on in my head. How could I explain the shit-show of emotions wreaking havoc on my life to Sierra if I couldn’t get a handle on it myself? A sleepless night and a two-hour run made it worse.
“You’re acting weird.”
“Am not.”
“Oh, okay. When’s the last time you sat in a cab with me and stared out the window? You’re usually talking my ear off about some sort of nonsense.”
“I told you. I’m just hungry. And could it be any freaking hotter out?” I leaned my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes.
“Right. So your freakish behavior has nothing to do with Dr. Sushi Seduction?” She was so not letting it go.
“You’re approaching really annoying.”
The cab slowed in front of Sierra’s brownstone, and she paid the driver. I didn’t even attempt to open my purse. I was not in the mood to watch her throw a hissy fit about money. I slid across the seat and hopped out behind her.