“Okay, see ya later, Lil,” Sam responded, sensing my hesitation.
My great mood unfortunately dampened. I didn’t want it to, but I couldn’t help it. After meeting with my peds’ team—all of whom were pretty cool, thankfully—I retreated to my office for some quiet alone time with my heap of paperwork. But I got nothing done because I was too distracted. I couldn’t get the kid up on seven off my mind, wondering if Chase heard about him and if it was affecting him the way it affected me. Shit. And these weren’t even my demons to fear. How was it possible to deal with it daily? Choosing a career in a field of medicine that had the power to trigger his worst memories on a daily basis just proved how completely selfless he truly was. I loved him more for it, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about him. It had to be pure torture some days. Even though he had made such big strides this weekend, I feared he could fall back into his black hole of grief and guilt. It was so easy to slip, too easy.
By noon, I needed a little fresh air and made a pit stop at my favorite food cart. I opted for decaf tea over any more coffee and a scone from Jorge then picked a bench by the river. My phone chimed.
Hope you’re having a better day than me.
Xo
Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I hoped he was talking about being swamped.
Crazy busy too.
Miss you, xoxo
“Lili, you’re back?” My back stiffened at the sound of my name.
“Hey, Guy.” Time was up.
“Colton’s slammed, first minute I’ve had all day. Needed a little fresh air before I lost it up there.”
“Yeah, it’s beautiful out here, nice breeze coming off the water.” Oh crap, I resorted to talking about the weather. Shit. Shit. Shit. What was my alternative? That stinks how crazy busy you are, must be because your boss took yesterday off to pour his heart out and spend time with his girlfriend—did I mention that’s me?
“Yeah, end of August usually sucks. It’s like a wet towel slapping your face.”
Oh this was so not going well. He totally engaged in my weather bullshit. I glanced down at my chiming phone.
How about you show me how much.
Where r u?
Of course Chase had a minute now. It was obvious they were in between cases, hence Guy standing in front of me. But I owed Guy a little time without interruption. Hell, I owed him some sort of explanation. Not only had I left him on the dance floor and run off, I ignored half a dozen texts asking to talk all weekend. Our friendship was important to me. Chase needed to wait.
Can’t right now :(
Xo
There was a fifty-fifty chance Dr. P would accept that response kindly, even with the xo, but I pushed send anyway and shoved my phone in my bag. Guy focused on the river; the air between us more awkward than ever.
“Sit.” I patted the open seat on the bench next to me. We were both acting so weird. I hated every second of it. “Um,” I stuttered, not knowing how to even start or what to say. I just wanted to make it right again.
He rested his arm along the back of the bench and faced me. “I’m sorry, doll,” he blurted before I could formulate a thought. “You know about the other night, about kissing you. I just thought, um, well I guess I had the wrong idea. I just thought we were on the same page. I guess I misread you. We just have so much fun together...” His gaze drifted back out at the water, avoiding eye contact. I fiddled with my nails.
“We do, Guy. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I never meant for you to think of our relationship as anything more than friends...”
If I was being honest with myself, there were a dozen times over the past few years I contemplated a relationship with Guy, thought of us as more than friends. But none of that mattered now. Because as amazing as Guy was, the truth was I was lucky to maintain a friendship. I was preoccupied with sleep-running through life. But that had all changed. Chase changed that. I wished I could explain that to my friend sitting in front of me. He deserved that and so much more.
“I really love you as my friend. Does that sound stupid? I don’t want anything to change, but I understand if it has to...” I cringed at my last statement. I didn’t want anything to change.
“Where were you yesterday?” Was this his way of deflection, not wanting to address where our friendship was headed? Kate made it pretty obvious “everyone” knew where I was.
“Oh. I had Sierra’s baby shower in Cape Cod this weekend. We didn’t get back until yesterday. She needed help getting settled.” Why did I lie? I sucked at lying, but for some reason I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth. Was it lame I didn’t want to hurt his feelings?
“Trip from the Cape can be a bitch, especially with traffic, huh?”
My breath hitched and my stomach sunk at Chase’s sarcastic and irritated tone. Shit. Caught. Was he really standing behind me right now? Guy looked over his shoulder. If he didn’t know I was lying before, he definitely knew now.
“Hunter, glad I found you. I want you and Jackson to scrub on my two o’clock, big spine case.”
“Oh, okay. Thought you only needed one of us.”
“Changed my mind,” he deadpanned.
“All right, I’m gonna head in then. Thanks, Colton.” Guy did the classic man smile and nod toward Chase, visibly pleased with his extra operating time this afternoon. “See ya later, Lil. We good?”
I smiled. “Yeah Guy, we’re good. See you later.” Guy stood up and walked back toward the hospital. My nervous stomach gurgled. Chase leaned against the back of the bench and crossed his arms over his chest. His stance was unnerving. I waited to turn around. I had a feeling we weren’t good.
“You lied?”
Yup. Shit. We were not good. I had no explanation. I had no excuse, none, and worse, I wasn’t even sure why I lied.
“Is there a reason you didn’t just tell him you were with me?”
“I don’t know.” That is the truth. “But he knows we’re only friends, I made that perfectly clear, but I don’t know ... it was awkward and I felt ... bad.”
“Blue, listen to me. I know I have a tendency to be jealous, but I’m trying very hard here. I trust you ... completely. I know where we stand. And I also know how important your friends are to you. I fucking love that about you. But Hunter should know about us. You’re not doing him any favors tiptoeing around his feelings. It’s not a secret anymore. Not that it’s a concern to me, but I know you care about the guy. How do you think he’s going to feel when he’s the last to realize that you’re mine? Forever.”
Maybe my Dr. Jealous took a backseat, but my Dr. Possessive was still front and center.
I stood up to face him, fully expecting to lock eyes with a brooding Dr. Intensity. I was shocked to find something else there. A benevolence that screamed I’m trying, baby. I had to laugh.
“Listen to you. What have you done with my boyfriend? Um, but seriously, thank you Chase. I love you and I love how you trust me. Believe me when I say you will never have a reason not to. As much as I’m yours, you’re mine.” I clasped my arms around his neck and lightly kissed his lips. “One question though, why did you sneak up on us, if you trust me so completely?”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “I never said I fucking liked the fact that my girl was sitting so close to another man on a secluded bench by a river, especially a man with proven feelings for her. Don’t think for a second I forgot he kissed you, for Christ’s sake. All I’m saying is don’t be surprised if Dr. Hunter doesn’t have a whole lot of free time. He wants to operate, he’s in luck—he’s going to operate his fucking fingers off.”