“Sure, I have time.” Extracting information from Chase was like pulling teeth. So if he needed to spill something that sounded important, it didn’t matter where or what I was supposed to be doing, I had nowhere else to be.
I stopped by the floor to ceiling glass wall and watched the clouds twist through the gusty wind. This view was the same from my apartment. And one you never got sick of. Chase shuffled papers behind me, only confirming the fact that he was stewing on something. His tension radiated off my back.
“It’s the needles, man.” My stomach churned. “Every fucking day she grimaces in pain. Her stomach is so black and indurated it’s starting to look like the skin of a goddamn avocado.”
Lili. I knew it. They still couldn’t get pregnant. And you didn’t have to be a shrink to see that Chase blamed himself. When Lili was lying comatose, Chase had a decision to make. To use KimCore, his own equipment, would reduce brain swelling and give her the best odds of intact survival, but the near freezing body temperature was contraindicated in pregnancy. Chase made the call and Lili survived. The baby didn’t.
“When the hell did she start injecting herself? I thought she was just taking a pill and you were keeping track and shit.” Fertility and ovulation were definitely not what I thought I’d be talking about before my second cup of coffee, or ever.
“Yeah, well, several months of just Clomid weren’t working. She’s been doing the injections for a couple months now.” Typical, he rattled off meds and I just nodded, having no clue what he was talking about. “I wanted her to take a month off, enjoy our honeymoon. The wedding was stressful enough. But nope, she insisted on continuing.”
“Shit, C. I don’t know what to say. Sucks, man.” I sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk. I threaded my fingers through my hair and leaned back.
“And don’t get me started on her fieldwork. I know she’s a social worker and it’s part of her job, but they have her working with some serious lowlifes. I hate it. But I can’t say jack shit. She’s pumped with so many hormones, she’d go ballistic on me.”
“Man, I think you could take her on.” I wasn’t making light of the situation, just trying to calm him down. Chase took a deep breath. “Seriously, anything I can do?”
“Nothing. We’re doing what we have to do. Means I’ve got an appointment with a cup and some porn.”
I smirked, knowing exactly what he was talking about it. “Ha. Porn. Nothing wrong with a little self-satisfaction, but can’t Lil help you out with that? Just saying.” From his lethal expression I could tell he wasn’t feeling my humor. I held my hands up in surrender. “I’m just wondering. And listen, no need to jerk off in a cup. I’ve got that shit frozen already. Just take mine. I’m sure my swimmers would kick the shit out of yours any day of the week.” I kept trying to break him.
Unfortunately I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Not sure what was more embarrassing—knowing my mother was in the waiting room or the brunette nurse with a nice rack nonchalantly asking if I wanted a magazine or the binder to pick a video. No joke. The act, as I knew it, was supposed to be private and fun, not a job. Sure felt like it that day. Definitely the last thing a horny teenager thought he’d be forced into doing. The nurse tossed me a plastic wrapped sterile cup and my sweat drenched slimy-assed hands bobbled it. Shaking my head in pure mortification, I reached down and grabbed it off the floor. I came back up to a huge ass smile. ‘I think you’ll find everything you need, cup goes in the fridge when you’re done,’ she said, pointing to a room twice the size of a closet. Classy. I must have been the color of a tomato. Only saving grace was she was at lunch when I was done.
“You competitive dickhead, now you’re taking bets on the speed of our sperm. What the hell is the matter with you?” He half smiled. Yup, my job here was almost done. “My kid would be half you, just what I fucking need, another you running around.”
He was definitely spot on. I would never want to jeopardize an offspring with my shitty genetic history. But instead of going down that road, I continued on my mission to lighten him up. “Oh come on, C, when I look in the mirror I see … tall, good-looking, successful, fit, all-around great guy, a perfect catch. I’m sure Lili would be happy with my sperm.”
“You’re fucking crazy, and obviously in my absence your already big head has quadrupled … who’s the new chick stroking your ego?” I probably could have laughed at his joke, if guilt hadn’t pierced my gut. “But that’s not my point, I was just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t already fathered several kids.”
“Whoa.” I held up my hand. “I practice safe sex.” Chase busted out laughing. I couldn’t help but join in. “I have five nieces. If that isn’t a reason to glove, I don’t know what the hell is.” I should’ve patted myself on my own goddamn back. I knew how to crack this intense mo-fo every time. Now I was definitely done. And since it was so far from an appropriate time to bring up Talia, I needed to leave. “So you gonna go jerk-off or what? Oh and say hi to the hot nurse who’s gonna give you your cup … I think her name is Jane.”
Shaking his head he continued to laugh. “Exactly my point … is there a hot nurse in this hospital you haven’t bagged? Don’t answer that. Just be ready to get your ass kicked. Gym at seven?”
I grinned and stood up to leave. “My only tip, pay attention. You wouldn’t want to miss the cup and waste your load. Dude, they’ll make you come back. Then you’d have to explain to Lil how you got distracted over some hot piece of ass in this month’s Playboy.” And with that I left. A string of expletives followed me down the hall.
I stepped onto the elevator and tapped a quick text.
Tear it up?
Yup.
Jealous.
Whatcha doing now?
Showering...
Alone?
Perv.
She thought I was joking. I wasn’t. Sure, I was jealous she got to mountain bike all year long, but the fact she was dripping wet and someone other than me might be enjoying the show, yeah, that thought made me crazy. That was one opportunity, if ever given the chance, I would never take for granted. Friends shower together, right? And there lied my problem—over the last few weeks I had become a jealous loser. Even though she told me straight out that the douche was a non-issue, I couldn’t seem to shake an overwhelming and completely foreign sense of jealousy bubbling deep in my gut. I wasn’t that guy. Never was and sure as shit never thought I could be.
I needed a plan to fix that. We had two lives. Two very separate, very different, very established lives. This was me contemplating a merge, aka, relationship. Since that word ceased to exist for me I needed to pull out a dictionary and read that definition. But the bigger question was would she even want that, or was she content with the friendship we had going?
The elevator doors opened to a sea of grey concrete. Sort of fit my mood. Dark and depressing.
“Asher? Why are you here?” Lili snapped me out of my fog as she closed her car door. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah fine—board meeting. More importantly, I just left your other half taking care of business as we speak.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head, making me chuckle.
“Hey, don’t blush on my account.”
“Shut it, Asher. I can’t believe he told you. This sucks. I wish he didn’t have to do this.”