I rolled on my side and propped up on one arm. With blonde locks splayed across the pillow and her face turned away from me, I watched the gentle rise and fall of her naked back and listened to her soft rhythmic breaths. In the light of day, all you saw was sexy, tall confidence. But here, nestled in the silence of the sunrise she looked almost … fragile. Stupidly, my mind wandered. She had pillows clutched against the length of her bare front, as if she slept in this position every night. A woman like her had no business spooning goose down. She deserved a warm body ensuring her sweet dreams. That in itself was still a mystery I couldn’t wrap my head around. Not that I was complaining the job hadn’t been taken. My thoughts of anyone else sharing her bed pissed me off anyway. I made a conscious decision to be grateful for the stupidity of West Coast men. Not that it mattered, as far as I was concerned, the job was now taken.
I jostled the sheet slightly to admire the gradual sway of her back and the two small dimples at the base of her spine extending up into her perfect round globes. The ones that I had only begun to discover. Already waking at half-mast, it didn’t take much to reach full attention. Fuck me, she was gorgeous. I slid a little closer and tucked my body around hers. And she fit … almost too well.
At the touch of our skin she sighed, “Hmm.” Lips curved up and eyes still closed, she turned to face me and released her pillow death grip. I kissed her forehead and selfishly rolled her onto my chest, wanting her closer, wanting her warmth. She wrapped a leg around mine and snuggled in. I must have dozed because I woke to soft sweet kisses trailing across my chest. Now it was my turn to sigh.
“You awake, sleepyhead? It’s a little after nine.” I twitched at the time and she giggled. “Never in bed this late, huh?”
“Umm, maybe once when I … had the flu … a long time ago.” Flu sounded good. After my bout with the flu, never had another real reason to stay in bed.
“Well, I like it. And if we do what we did last night again, get used to sleeping in.”
“Not going to argue with that.” Hell no.
She lifted up, her perky tits grazing across my chest. She captured my eyes with a sudden seriousness and poked at my chest. “Why are we really in the guest room?”
Because I was a player. Lived for the moment and fucked for fun. Because I never believed in second chances until you walked back into my life. The litigator could have gone on and on, but the gentleman had too much respect for this beautiful woman.
I answered, “Because.”
“Listen, neither one of us is a saint. I know you’ve had other women here, I’d be ignorant not to. And I would be blatantly lying if I said it didn’t skeeve me a little, but we’re not kids anymore, not even close. Actually, it’s kind of ironic how we flip-flopped. I was the one who started too early, while you waited and made up for lost lust later in life.” She flashed her pearly whites, giving me an out for my male slut behavior. Tangling her long fingers in some loose hair that hung across my forehead, she scooted up, planting a big kiss on my lips.
She massaged my scalp and my eyes rolled closed. “You’ve got a thing for hair. Mmm. Not that I’m complaining.”
“You’ve got great hair.”
“It took forever, but glad it grew back then, because this feels so good.” Her finger dance slowed to a stop. “No one tells you those details when they’re injecting all that shit directly into your vein,” I blurted. She released my hair and reached directly for the thin faint line marring my groin. Most women never noticed. She wasn’t most women.
Her voice cracked. “No chance you’re going to tell me you had a hernia repair, huh?” I wished.
“Not so lucky.” I kissed her temple, reflecting on her fitting word choice. Chance. “Did you know ninety percent of the time you find it in your neck?” Not me. “And ninety percent of the time one round of poison does the trick.” Not me. “Go figure, what were the chances?” Just another couple cards in my shitty hand.
“Hodgkin’s?”
I brushed away the tear she let slip. “Guess dermatologists are real doctors after all,” I joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
The last thing I wanted was to upset her, hell, I wasn’t sure why I opened my big mouth in the first place. I guess I didn’t want any secrets between us. Tal had that effect and I wanted our trust to travel further than just the bedroom. It seemed like this earned me a failure mark at morning pillow talk, but how would I know? I’d never experienced morning pillow talk. Until now.
She kissed my palm that lingered at her cheek while her sad eyes roamed my face for answers. “Will you tell me about it? When?”
“Sophomore year of college. I was busy drinking with the guys, flirting with the girls, studying even. Too busy, I guess. The lump came and went, didn’t think too much of it. By the time I noticed it again I couldn’t lift my eyelids long enough to get out of my sweat-drenched bed. Ten pounds and three trips to student health, even I knew the flu didn’t last a month. That was a fun phone call home.” I sighed remembering. “I watched my father bury both his parents and his brother and I never heard his voice crack like it did that day. Fucking sucked. And being the level-headed, macho nineteen-year-old I was, I suggested I see a specialist in North Carolina to make sure there was even anything to really worry about.” Tal cracked a half smile; she knew my family enough to know how that worked out. “Yeah, he was on the next plane, had my dorm room packed in an hour, and I was back in New York by midnight with three appointments lined up the next day.”
She smiled through her glistening eyes. “Mags doesn’t mess around. I love that about her.”
“You’re not kidding. My mother was scarier than the fucking cancer.” I kissed her forehead and brushed away another tear. “Needless to say, I had surgery that week and spent the next four months learning firsthand why chemo got a bad rap. Luckily, by the time the fall rolled around I was all clear and went back to Duke sporting a crew cut. And you know, because I’m brilliant, I graduated on time, regardless. I was fine.” I winked and she almost chuckled. Almost.
I hated the heaviness in the room. She massaged my scalp harder and asked, “Until?”
“Until I wasn’t.” She bit her lip, hard. “I’ve got to tell you I was tempted to say fuck it. The thought of going through it all over again-” I shook my head.
“What changed your mind?”
“Chase can be one intense son of a bitch. Convinced me to come up here for treatment. Second round of chemo made the first look like a trip to fucking Disney, bone marrow transplant, the whole nine.”
“I’m so sorry, I...” Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Look at me, Teeps.” The sadness in her eyes punched me in the gut. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Shit happens, that’s life. We’ve all had our share. But that’s the past, okay?” You’re my future. Wow, I just thought that. What the…
My mental tangent was abruptly interrupted when soft lips crashed down on mine. Damn, this woman could kiss. When we finally came up for air, her cheeks were tear soaked. “I hate that I wasn’t here for you, I hate that you went through all of that, I hate all the years that were stolen, I-”