“You were all of those things.” My response was involuntary, it just slipped out.
Her glassy eyes widened for a second before she cinched them shut. She leaned against the window and wrapped her arms around her thin waist.
“Ricky, the manager, saw me sitting alone and made a comment about being underage unless I was ‘on the clock.’ You remember him, right? Nice guy, always knew how much I loved to sing.” She looked over at me for acknowledgement. “Well, I got on that stage … and it was amazing. Of course it wasn’t the same without you guys, but being up there, uninhibited and hypersensitive; the lyrics poured from my soul. It was probably the performance of my life ... and my last.”
I didn’t know why, but I walked toward her and wiped a few remaining tears from her cheeks. She closed her eyes again. But this time when she spoke, she sounded completely detached, as if the words were not her own. I thought she was far away before, but now she seemed to be in another universe.
“When I stepped off that stage and he approached me, I was shocked. Mostly because he was even there. The place wasn’t exactly up to Jack Colton’s standards. Not to mention he and Constance hated that Kim and Chase were part of the band. He always gave me the creeps, but that night it was oddly comforting to see a familiar face. It was obvious I was upset and he was actually … nice. I spilled my guts in between tears. I told him about my parents and how I had acted like a slut in hopes it would get back to my father and make him feel like shit. It felt good to say it all out loud. And he was just … nice.”
Chase’s father was a lot of things, but nice was not one of them. The man did not have a kind bone in his body. I swallowed hard, feeling sick to my stomach, not wanting to process where she was going.
“I remember feeling guilty for all the times we badmouthed him, thinking that Chase and Kim parents were the worst. Can you believe that?” She wasn’t asking, more like scolding herself. “He convinced me to stay the night at their apartment since I was probably not in the best shape to go home. Said he hoped another father would do the same for Kim. So when I found myself at their kitchen island, just like I had been a million times before, I felt safe. It felt comfortable. I remember being relieved that my high was coming to an end, or so I thought. He handed me a glass of wine to calm my nerves, said we were close enough to twenty-one. And well, the rules never did apply to him, did they?” She exhaled with disgust. “Instead, two sips added to my already altered state and intensified the high. Everything was accentuated tenfold. And somewhere along the way his supportive words turned into something else ... he turned into someone else. He wasn’t my best friend’s father anymore. I didn’t know who he was, but he was whispering things I’d never imagined in my ear, promising to take away the pain.”
The intense pressure behind my eyes started to pulsate. Any moment a vessel was going to rupture, leaving my pooled blood to boil.
Jack Colton was lucky he was already dead.
Her voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard every word.
Crystal fucking clear.
“I knew it was wrong. It felt wrong. I hated it. Every single second. I was screaming at myself on the inside, but I never said no … I never said no.”
She slowly peeled open her eyes, terrified to look at me. Time stood still.
“Please, Asher, say … something. Please,” she gasped like she was in physical pain. Her shaking legs buckled and she sank to the floor.
I had no words. Not one syllable. Instead I clutched her against my chest as tight as humanly possible and carried her to the couch. The ache of my bruised ribs was nothing compared to the pain in my chest, the devastation—on so many levels.
When her quiet sobs ended, she touched my torn cheek and said, “I’m so, so sorry that I lied to you. I never wanted to hurt you. But you have to understand, I’ve spent a lifetime protecting my son from the truth. I couldn’t risk rocking his world until I knew what this was between us. It was never about trusting you. I have always trusted you, I needed to trust in us.”
My fury was no less, but it was aimed in a different direction. I believed her, every word.
“I believe you.”
Talia sighed and dropped her shoulders, relief written all over her face. But I was far from relieved.
“Why?”
Her tortured eyes told me she knew exactly what I was asking. I needed to know.
As screwed up as it was, I followed Talia’s logic. I got that she refused to believe that piece of shit raped her, based on a technicality. I got that in desperation she seduced Chase, knowing that their entire family were clones and there would be no denying the relation. I got that losing Kimi shredded her, and she needed to disappear after Chase’s reaction to her pregnancy bomb. I got that she blamed herself and had accepted responsibility for her entire situation. I didn’t agree with any of it, but I got it. I got her, I knew her.
What I didn’t get was why she stayed away. The Talia I knew was exactly how she depicted herself on stage—she was confident, invincible, and beautiful. Confident enough with time to tackle her pain and humiliation. Invincible enough to survive her mistakes and forgive herself for deceiving Chase, and recognize who was really to blame. And beautiful enough, inside and out, to make things right with us—her best friends, her son’s brother. More than anything else, I knew the woman holding my face was still that same woman. That woman didn’t keep a twenty-year secret. That woman wouldn’t share my bed for months and lie to me. So the question remained, why?
“California was Mom’s idea. She thought it would be a fresh start for both of us. And even though I never told her who he was, well, at least not right away, she supported me. I couldn’t have done it without her. I wish I could say the same for my father. We barely spoke. It was really hard at first, being the disappointment, being the pregnant girl on campus. But the moment I held my baby in my arms, nothing else mattered. Nothing. He was perfect. Sweet and innocent, trusting, and fun. He was Tack. He was my world. And still is.” A breathtaking glow radiated from her face when she talked about her son.
“I still don’t understand why you never came back? As pissed as he would have been at first, you know Chase would have had your back.” There was not a doubt in my mind that Chase would have stepped up and pretended if he had known the truth. And he would have been the first in line to deal with his perverted piece of shit of a father, after me.
“I did.”
I expected anything other than those two words.
“At first I was embarrassed, then life got crazy, juggling college and a toddler. I had to take summer courses to make up the time I missed. Time just kind of flew by, but when Kimi…” She paused, her pain was raw. “It was the first time I saw my father in three years. He actually came to California to deliver the news in person. In a way, Kimi’s death gave me back my father and gave Tack his grandfather. Once he laid eyes on Tack, he saw what you saw. At two and a half, it was already obvious. He broke down, but never asked. In the end it was my father’s words that changed my mind. ‘That young man has to bury his twin sister next week, and god knows I haven’t been a good enough father or earned the right to give you advice, but if there was ever a day to let him see Kimi’s smile again, the time is now.’ My father was right and not just about their identical smiles. Every day a little more Kimi came out in Tack, as if God handpicked all of her best qualities and gave her back to us, wrapped in a tiny little person. Chase deserved to share in that gift. And I knew you both would help protect my little boy from that monster. Deep down, I knew Chase would eventually forgive me...” Yeah, she knew him. “After you made him.” She knew me better.