When Chase finally spoke, I didn’t recognize his voice through his gritted teeth. “My father raped you?”
Tal broke and started to cry. I moved to where I belonged, next to my woman, pulling her in close. I had two weeks to process all this shit, but my insides still burned and the bile still stung the back of my throat.
“I never said no, it was my choice. I have to live with that.”
“No, Talia. That sick, sick bastard!” The disgust and anger on Lil’s face as she spoke mirrored my own. “You were a child, he was the adult. He knew exactly what he was doing, HE was wrong. You can argue the semantics all you want, but he violated you.”
We shared the same sentiment. How could that pathetic waste of a life do that to a young and innocent girl? Lili’s horrendous rape had to be flooding her memory and Chase looked to be doing everything in his power to control his emotion. You could have bounced a ball off of his intensity. I knew the rage he bottled inside was combustible. And aimed at his dead father. I could guarantee he was as close to exhuming his body as I was, if not closer.
Tal wiped her eyes and sat straight up. “Thank you for your support, Lil. I might have been vulnerable and impaired, but I wasn’t innocent. And in the end it doesn’t really matter how it happened, just that it did. As much as the vague memories from that night haunt my dreams, there has never been a single day, in nineteen years, that I haven’t woken up and thanked God for my greatest blessing. I regret plenty, oh god, you have no idea, but my decision to keep my child, never, ever.” She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “My deepest regret … is what I did to you, Chase. I am so, so sorry. I wish there was a more powerful word than sorry, because it doesn’t even begin to cut it. If I could take it all back, what I put you through, I would in a heartbeat. I lied and broke your trust, but worse, I abandoned you when you needed us the most. I have to own that and live with it, and one day in another life, face your sister for it. The day I came to you and told you I was pregnant … please just know, that in the sea of my lies, my only truth was saying that I loved you. You were the brother I never had.” Her voice crackled with sincerity. She laid herself bare.
Lili’s gaze shifted from Chase to me, unsure of what to do next. As if there was some unwritten etiquette on handling fucked up situations. Tal’s grip on my hands tightened. We waited. Chase remained silent, then moved to the window. I mentally started counting down, my stomach churning. The only other time I had seen this look in his eyes was when he found out there was nothing he could do to save his sister. He was helpless and empty, much like he was today. There was no quick fix, no altering the past. What was done was done. Nothing could be changed; nothing could be reversed.
Lili joined her husband, securing her arms around his waist and laying her head against his back. I tucked Tal against my side and kissed her forehead.
“You know he’ll come around, right?” I whispered. “He’s the same guy, he’s us.”
Tal knew this, but it didn’t stop her lip from quivering. God, I just wanted to make it better—make it all go away. I felt her pain deep in my chest.
“Tack’s here in Boston, Chase. He’s a sophomore, pre-med. Ironic, huh? He knows about you.” Her voice wavered and a single tear slid down her cheek. She was trying so hard to keep it together. “I told him a few weeks ago, everything. At first he was mad—furious, actually. I’ll never forget the look on his face, he looked ... he looked just like you. But he’s coming around, slowly. He’s working that heart of gold of his, reiterating how upset he is for me. I know he’s struggling with finding out his biological father was anything but the amazing person I disillusioned him with throughout his childhood, my own wishful thinking. I told him his paternity means nothing, doesn’t define him, and has no bearing on the man he is. When he asked me how I could be so sure, the answer was simple ... you.”
The single tear turned into a full stream. I thumbed her cheeks and kissed her wet lips, mumbling, “I love you.”
Lili hadn’t moved, her head was still buried against Chase’s back. I could see her body trembling with her silent sobs. I watched him release Lil’s hands from around his waist as he pulled her to his chest and turned around.
“I want to meet him.” His words were simple. Yet poignant. The only ones that mattered. Tal let out an audible sigh as her entire body went limp against my chest. She uttered an incoherent thank you or thank God as her tears continued to roll down. I just held her. We still had a long way to go, but this was a giant step in moving forward. I figured Chase deserved a pass this once. But it was close. I was teetering on that edge where beating the shit out of him was in the realm of possibility for prolonging Tal’s pain. But I’d come back from that edge only because my woman felt a whole lot lighter.
Chapter 15 Stop Talking
“Thank you.”
I walked toward Tal’s curled body hidden underneath a mound of blankets on the couch.
“For what?”
“Somehow making everything okay, believing in me. I would have never had the strength. I’d still be living the lie. I feel lighter; those secrets are finally off my chest and out of my mind after so many years. I forgot what it feels like to be me. And all because of you. But most importantly, thank you for letting me earn your trust again.”
No surprise the evening ended early. Chase and Lili took off shortly after the women whispered and sniffled a little more, planning another get together. It was clear a new bond had been formed between them. They had more in common than they ever imagined. They both had figured out a way to play their shitty hands and come out on top. Pure strength.
All parties involved were emotionally exhausted. And even though Chase didn’t say anything I knew he was headed straight for the bags with a picture of his father as the target.
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “First of all, you never need to thank me. It’s not a choice to believe in you, to trust you. I just do and I always will. You’re Talia, you’re mine. That’s our story, there’s no rewriting it. Got me?” Her smile melted her eyes. Good, she got me. “It’s time to trust in us.”
“I want Tack to get to know you first, because I do trust in us. I want it to be the three of us. I want us to be a family. Do you think you have room in your life, room in your heart for my son?”
“He’s part of you, he’s already there.”
“How can you be so perfect?”
“I’ll take that as you’re moving.”
“You sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, Ace? No backsies. I come with a lot of baggage. You may want to turn back now. Take your perfect gentleman status and go and pick any woman you want to start your own family with. I don’t want to take that from you.”
“I have the woman I want. I have my family. You and Tack are it. Case closed.”
“But what about kids of your own? You’re amazing with your nieces—you’d be a great dad. You deserve that experience.”
“You want more children?”
“Me? I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I dreamed of having a daughter for a while, to give Tack what I never had, a sibling, but that was years ago. I have Tack and he’s more than enough. Besides, I don’t know, I know I’m technically not old, but…”