“Let’s start with the fact that we’re the same age. And we sure as shit aren’t old. But, I’m going to be brutally honest with you, Tal. Kids were never part of my plan. I scratched that idea right about the time the oncologist rambled on about unknown long-term effects and handed me a sterile cup, because my pre-chemo genetic material was such a prize. I don’t need to pass any of that on.” I wondered if she knew that I wasn’t referring to cancer. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m on borrowed time. So don’t worry, you’re not taking anything from me. If anything, I’m being selfish asking you to roll the dice on me.”
“Hey, stop that.” Her hand massaged my hair. “You’re healthy, you’ve had clear scans for over fifteen years, you beat it. And we’re all on borrowed time, so what? The important part is making the best of that time.”
“I’ll try and remember you said that one day.” Now look who was talking who out of us.
“Asher Evan Craig, I know you and I know your greatest fear. Trust me when I say, you will remember, and if one day life screws us over and takes that from you and you don’t remember me, I promise I will spend every day reintroducing us.”
“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I found her lips and kissed her deep, proclaiming my love. She matched me with the same passion.
Pulling away slightly she spoke against my lips, “Think I have a pretty good idea. I can only imagine it’s as much as I love you.” She leaned back a little further and took my breath away with her heart-stopping smile. “I always have. Always. I can’t remember not loving you. I loved you when you were that awkward kid with the monogrammed backpack, spinning your drumsticks and slurping Grasshopper ice cream straight from the container. I loved you. It’s only ever been you.”
For the first time ever, I lost all ability to think. I had said it to her countless times over the past two weeks, but hearing her say the words out loud leveled me. She rocked my world and rendered me speechless. All I could do was feel. It was a sensation that started deep within my chest … a pressure, a heat, a tingle, a release. If your heart had the ability to orgasm, I came a thousand times over. Her smile grew with my reaction, her eyes melting into the sweetest pools of chocolate.
“Remember when you asked me why there wasn’t a ring on my finger—why I never got married? It’s true that I was consumed with being a mom, and Tack was my priority, but it was also because they … they weren’t you.”
“Tal, stop talking.” My heart beat so strong that I felt my pulse in every single artery. I kid you not, I felt it behind my knees and the tops of my feet. My fucking thumbs bounded. Was that even possible? Whatever, it was euphoric. I felt … alive.
“I can’t tell you how many times over the years I dreamt of you, being with you, laughing with you, singing to you, touching you. I’d wake up clenching my pillow, trembling. The best kind of tremble. I went to bed countless nights with a smile, willing those dreams to visit. You made my loneliest moments better. There’s never been a time you haven’t taken care of me.” She mischievously bit her bottom lip, arousal pinking her cheeks. “But I have to tell you, the reality kicks the fantasy’s ass.”
“Stop talking.”
“So, yeah, I’m definitely moving.”
My mouth descended over hers and took ownership. She was done talking; my control couldn’t handle one more second. There was nothing sweet or gentle about my assault. She met me stroke for stroke, bite for bite, growl for growl. Our clothes carpeted the floor in record time, some intact, most not. I buried my mouth between her legs, fixed on my goal—wet and ready. I’d owe her plenty of soft and sweet later. I needed the tourniquet around my dick to release, finally understanding the term bust a nut. With a bruising force I dragged her hips down, wide and open, thrusting balls deep into her heaven. Screw the white cloud, harps and flying angels. There was no coming back from completely immersing myself inside the woman I loved. Her perfect legs vice-gripped our union and her sweet moans filled in around us, as the world ceased to exist. I held nothing back, pounding with all my strength, starved for more. Starved for everything. Raw, uncontrolled, and abandoned. We dripped with sweat and ached with need, the scent of our arousals permeated the room. I couldn’t get enough. We couldn’t get enough. I wanted deeper. We changed our positions over and over, frantic and desperate to find that deeper place. Together we craved for our lovemaking to mold us into one.
This … right here, right now … was pure bliss.
In the heat of the moment I couldn’t help but think about ‘making love.’ It was such a loose term that I always despised. It was stupid and never meant anything. So why the hell did I think it? Good fucking question. It was actually a huge turn off—cock deflator—when a woman asked you to make love. Confident it was because of the vision it conjured: candles, white sheets, hand holding, transfixed gazes in the presence of excruciatingly slow sex. That wasn’t real love. And anyone who thought so was even dumber than the expression itself. Love wasn’t planned, it wasn’t a conscious decision, and it sure as shit couldn’t be made up. And unless you were in love and that feeling hit you like a Mack truck going a hundred, like it did to me, you had no idea. Making love didn’t exist. You didn’t make love, love made you. Made us.
“Ace?” Somehow between tumbling off the couch, knocking over lamps and crying out in ecstasy, Tal managed to utter a coherent word through her panting breath and swollen lips. Me, not so much. I grunted. “So, I think it’s fair to say we can add the couch to the mix.” Her giggle started deep, I would know, I was still inside her.
“Smartass.” I smacked those gorgeous globes and joined in with her. We were sweaty, sticky puddles tangled on the floor. Screw making love, this was epic. “So just to be clear and make sure I heard you right and wasn’t in a state of delirium … those three little words that left your cherry red lips and took front row in my flaming red heart … yeah, I might need to hear them again.”
She tipped her back and her giggle turned into full-blown hysteria, laughing her pretty little ass off before satisfying me with a “I love you, Asher Evan Craig” at the top of her lungs.
Chapter 16 That Smile
“Hey bud.”
Tack stood from the sidewalk table and shook my hand. Three months later his uncanny resemblance to Chase still blew my mind, down to his mannerisms and facial expressions. No question, he was a Colton.
“What’s up, Ash? How’s unpacking going? Mom’s got a lot of shit, huh?” The waiter handed us our menus as soon as we sat. Tack picked a pub downtown, a typical college hangout. Talia was thrilled that Tack initiated this lunch, just the two of us. She felt like it was a big step. This meeting and getting along were only the logistics—he already secured a spot in my life. He was a part of Tal, which meant he was a part of me. I was never worried. He was a great kid with a solid head on his shoulders. And not only did he have the pressures of being a type A personality pre-med student, but he had a toxic dose of life can suck dropped on his already full plate. It was going to take a while to swallow it down, never mind, digest. He was handling the situation like a champ, in my opinion.
“No, you got a lot of shit. And more than half the crap is from when you were a baby. I wouldn’t be surprised if I open a box and find a dirty diaper.”
He laughed. I was serious.
“You’re too chicken shit to tell her to toss it all.”