“Okay,” she mouthed before losing all ability to stay awake. She sighed one last time, allowing the medications to lull her to sleep. A sleep that would give me time. Time to process. Time to research. Time to figure out exactly how our lives were going to change. Time to figure out my next move.
I had nothing but time. All the time in the world to wait.
It was just before sunrise and she was settled into the ICU before originally expected. A perk of being on staff. We had more privacy here. It was quieter. Tal had a private nurse. And she was still comfortably sleeping. I stood from the chair and walked to the window. Practically on the top floor, the view of Boston Harbor was amazing. I was sure there was some type of bullshit survey that stated that the sicker you were, the better the view you should have. Ironic how they rubbed that beauty, that freedom in your face. I turned back around and scanned the sterile room. Only beauty here was my woman. The quiet rise and fall of her chest and the tiny spike of her heartbeat splayed across the monitor gave me the confirmation I needed to know she was full of life. But somehow the last image of her eyes was burned in my brain. That fear of the unknown, the angst wrapped in that one flicker was haunting. What would it take for me to erase it and show her alive again?
“You get any sleep? I can sit with her.”
“Not going anywhere.” He should have known better than anyone, they’d have to drug me to get me to move.
The unit had a strict policy on visiting hours. But it didn’t apply to me. Or Tack, for that matter. His long legs were stretched and crossed at the ankles, while his head rested against the back of the wannabe recliner. He was finally dozing. His chair was parked next to the window and hadn’t budged, and mine was soldered to her bed rail. I’d yet to blink.
“Yeah. Figured, just thought I’d offer.” Chase sat at the bed past her feet.
The last time we were together in a room like this, his everything was lying there and fighting for her life. And his ass didn’t move for three days straight. I would know. I had the window seat. Watching him spiral into a black hole while we waited for Lil to wake up—there wasn’t a worse feeling. Until now.
“Man, I did everything I could. The surgery … there was a lot of bleeding, swelling, but it was clean. It went … as it should have, what I expected.”
Damn, he left the neurosurgeon and brought my friend. This wasn’t his fault. I knew that. He knew that. Yet he didn’t know I knew that. There wasn’t a solitary thing about all this that didn’t suck.
I peeled my eyes from Tal’s and met his penetrating gaze. “I know.” Simple as that.
“I should have told you, warned you. Any spine trauma there’s a possibility, a slim chance of impairment. She’s a doctor—she knew the deal. But I should have told you. I just wanted to fix her. Ah fuck, Asher, I’m so sorry, man, so sorry.” He grabbed his head and gripped his hair, palming his eyes. He was sick, so was I, but I would never blame him. Slowly, he stood up and pulled in a deep breath. “The nurse will call me … when she wakes I want to do another extensive neuro exam.”
“Where’s Lili? Go be with her. Fucking traumatic doesn’t even begin to describe that scene. I heard her cry with you earlier, but she’s been a rock ever since, glued to our sides. She’s gonna break, C. She needs to. That shit can’t be bottled up.”
“Thanks. Thanks for...” I waved him off. No thanks were necessary. Not ever. I only did what I would’ve done for any of my family. “Well, she insisted on going to your apartment. Pick up some things for you and Tal. We’ll bring them by later. I’m gonna meet her there. You mind if we stay in your guest room? I don’t want her anywhere near our place. Not until I get back in there first.”
“What’s mine is yours, you know that. Stay as long as you need. Appreciate you grabbing our stuff.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze and circled up to kiss Tal’s head. Lingering in thought, he brushed a knuckle over her cheek before he glanced back at Tack. “So twins, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Good stuff.”
Probably the worst congratulations in the history of congrats. Roy Wayne was to thank for ruining that as well. Chase just mouthed ‘yeah’ under his breath before he added the words neither one of us ever wanted to hear, “We’ll have to wait and see.”
Chapter 23 Clockwork
The obnoxious scent of bad flowers was starting to make me sick. After four days in the ICU, we were now on day four in a regular room. Crazy, but I liked the ICU better, if liked was even an appropriate word to use in the same sentence as ICU, anyway … couldn’t have flowers there. For as many times as I was in and out of hospitals I never got the full experience without flowers. You’d have thought I would be sitting here thanking God I wasn’t sick enough to make it to the ICU. Nope. Instead I was reliving repressed memories through Tal’s constant delivery of cut flowers. Vases covered every damn surface. I never understood why this was the go-to feel better gift. And obviously still didn’t. For all intents and purposes flowers were dead, or silently awaiting their death as someone watched on. Awfully morbid, but then again I was a teenaged boy who had nothing else to think about while the chemo infiltrated his system. Shit, we’d been in this hospital too long.
“These flowers suck, Teeps. I’m gonna start tossing them.”
She cocked an eyebrow at me and smirked. The smirk made me think she was catching on to my flower/hospital disgust. I tossed a couple of bouquets in the trash, only to be replaced moments later by the exact same arrangement sent by the hospital. Carnations, cheap fuckers. But what killed me was it arrived the same time every day, like clockwork. Everything in the goddamn hospital was clockwork.
“What’d the flowers do to you?”
“Remind me how much I hate hospitals and how badly I want you out of here.” It was the truth.
“Chase said my last scan showed no new changes, my neuro exam remains unchanged, and my incision looks good. As long as I can manage the wheelchair on my own this afternoon, I should be able to get out of here.” She beckoned me closer and kissed my lips. She was doing well so far, or as well as you could from getting shot, having a major spine surgery, and discovering life as you knew it was changed. Her initial fear was replaced with a determination. The strength I knew she would find. “I love you and everything you’re doing. I can’t wait to go home, too.”
I kissed her again, taking my time to explore her delicious mouth until a cleared throat interrupted us.
I glanced at the clock, one minute after eleven. The nurse arrived. Like clockwork. Asked for her pain level. Like clockwork. Checked vitals. Like clockwork. Squished the goddamn IV bags to check the fluid levels. Like clockwork. Lifted the sheet and asked her to wiggle her toes. Like clockwork. Every. Single. Time. It was me, not her who was losing it.
“Ash, it’s okay. It’s just the way it is. It happens.”
Was she kidding me?
“There’s nothing okay about it. You’ve been here nine days, and she’s gonna start organizing your discharge now, after Chase medically cleared you to go last night? What has she been doing all week?”
Talia shot me a look of death, but I didn’t care. The useless care coordinator needed to know I wasn’t screwing around.
“Mr. Craig, as I explained, it takes at least twenty-four hours to get prior authorization and to set up home services. They need to review all of her studies and consult reports before she is accepted. Besides, going home directly from discharge is very unusual. Typically the short term rehab facility takes care of this.”