Normal. Normal was stuck on repeat.
I followed her, stopping at the jamb to our bedroom. Her back was to me as she crossed her arms and lifted her pale pink t-shirt and sports bra over her head. The definition in her upper back and shoulders was sick. I felt a shudder ripple through my body while I envisioned my tongue running along each carved line. I welcomed the ache in my chest as my heart slammed against my ribs. This part of my brain had been sacrificed. Shut down and turned off. It was the only way to keep my sanity and focus on what really mattered, getting her better. For some reason, maybe because normal was echoing loudly, I was losing the lockdown battle.
She removed her ponytail and shook her head as a cascade of blonde locks fell around her bare back. The act so sensual, so sexy, I could barely breathe. That subtle movement of her torso exposed the perfect silhouette of her tits. Hell, I saw her tits every day, even helped her wash them. But this was different. This was normal. This I missed.
“Ace.” She must have heard my heart ricocheting because I was completely silent otherwise. “I wanna try.”
“Huh?” I said it. She slowly turned around and I was done. One head turned off and the other turned on. My body’s reaction to her partially naked form—Lord help me if she asked to take a shower right now—was completely overpowering my brain. I had no clue what she was talking about.
“We have to try. I want you … and you want me … I think.” Her voice trailed off to a barely there whisper.
Wait. What? Hold the fuck up.
Every one of my senses was on overdrive. I heard her crystal clear.
She was asking to … whoa.
“Tal,” Two strides and I was kneeling in front of her, “I miss you too, like crazy.” No way was she gonna think I didn’t want her. “But we don’t have to do this. Not now. Not like this. If you are worried about me, don’t. I’m fine. I love you so much. I’m not going anywhere. You are my life. There is no me without you, got it? Tell me you know that.”
“Asher, stop.” She cupped my cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. We need to try. I need to know. You deserve to know, you have your whole-”
I cut her off mid-sentence because I had no intention of listening to a second more. She shut her eyes, sealing me off. I spoke louder to compensate. “Oh hell no, don’t you start. You wanna try? We’ll try. It doesn’t work? It doesn’t work. I don’t care. Open your eyes, Teeps.” She was shutting down so fast, this felt like Fort fucking Knox. Hesitant at first, she finally connected with my fiery gaze. “I. Don’t. Care. You are it for me. Always was and always will be. No matter what.”
She did what Talia does and mouthed, “Okay.” I wasn’t feeling it. She needed to see, needed to believe that I was not going anywhere.
I cradled her legs under one arm and rested her back against the other. I splayed her gorgeous body out on our bed. “You are so fucking beautiful.” My mouth found hers in a way we both had buried. Of course we kissed and spent a lot of time doing it, but our intimacy was about comfort and safety, both of which she needed to start healing. From the inside out. Yes, it was different. Different from what we shared before, but no less special. It was ours. It was what worked. And up until now, up until she shared with me her desire, I would have lived with that forever.
“Please.” She dug her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer. Raw and desperate, she matched me movement for movement, tongue for tongue, as we equally devoured each other’s mouths. My hands instinctively wandered, kneading and rediscovering her new physique. Her arms, shoulders, and pecs were all tighter, more defined. I palmed her firm breasts and fingered her taut nipples. My mouth left her lips and kissed a path down between her cleavage. I moved and circled her perfect buds with my tongue. She gasped and arched her back in response. Damn, she was hot. She was mine.
“You’ve got to tell me what you need. God, I missed this. You are so hot. I can’t wait to be inside you. What I want to do to you.” There was no thinking—my sex mouth took over. Our ragged breathing was all I could hear, my pulsing dick all I could feel. It had been so long, too long.
Kneeling above her, I paused to appreciate the sick view before I gently peeled down her yoga pants and tiny black thong. She couldn’t lift or shimmy so it took more effort than before. Whatever, this was now. And she was just as perfect. Her eyes were locked on mine, self conscious and searching.
“I’ve got you … it’s still just us. I want you more right now than I ever have. Trust me.” I placed one of her hands over my thumping heart and her other over my raging hard-on.
She drew in a sharp breath and before she let it out I was there, tasting her sweet mouth. Her hands grabbed at my tented track pants. She didn’t need to ask twice. Gone. My heart pounded like a seventeen-year-old virgin. Naked and panting against her lips, after everything—despite everything—I never felt so close to another human being in my life. Yet this was uncharted territory. A first of all firsts. Definitely causing more anxiety than my actual first time. But when she uttered, “I love you,” I relaxed and the last few shards in my chest mended.
I wanted her so badly it fucking hurt. Real pain. Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. But this wasn’t love. This ... we … were so much more. “Love’s not even close, Teeps. Not even close.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t researched, hadn’t scoured the web and online support groups. This was trial and error, case by case. Yet this wasn’t just another case report for someone to publish in a cutting edge medical journal. This was us.
Tal’s deficits were strictly motor. Her sensory functions were intact. She felt pain, she felt pressure, she felt heat and she felt cold. Some areas were more diminished than others, but she had feeling. Even with sacral sparing, there were no guarantees as to sexual function, though. And from everything I read, she was the exception, not the norm.
But that was Tal in life … the exception, not the norm.
After thoroughly exploring every inch of her mouth, I slowed my assault, reluctant to sever our connection. Every nerve ending in my body was humming. I knelt back up and gently maneuvered her legs apart one at a time using small, even movements. With wide eyes, she bit her bottom lip, cautiously accepting my control. For as dominant as she was in life, she had always been submissive in the bedroom. But this was different. This was a trust like no other. My chest swelled while my dick begged to seize.
“Ash-”
“Shh.” I lingered at her foot, kissing her tatted arch. Tiny whimpers were escaping from her swollen lips. “Shh.” I brushed my mouth against her left calf. “Shh.” I licked her upper right thigh. Now splayed open, my face hovered above the place I craved. She wasn’t that wet, but then again she never was. According to Tal, just another unwelcomed reward of childbirth. Never mattered to me because remedying that situation was my greatest pleasure. And this time was no different.
My first taste was exquisite. “So fucking delicious,” I groaned, realizing how much I had missed my fine scotch. Her silky folds were like a mirage that I was greedily lapping and sucking for every last drop. “You have no idea how much I missed this … missed you.” I wanted inside. Using my saliva, I wet my fingers and eased deep inside her warm tunnel, stretching and curling to reach her sweet spot. She moaned my name and fisted my hair. Tonight her sexy noises were all I had. I was used to the way she salaciously rode my hand and face searching for her release.
Tonight her hips did not twist.
They did not unashamedly buck.