“Fine, I said we’ll go. I just didn’t want to see you upset if we get there and Emma pulls the same shit she did last time she saw you.”
“Oh my god. I’m an adult and she’s almost four. I think I can handle a child who is allowed to be freaked out. News flash, wheelchairs and paralysis are scary concepts, terrifying actually. So what … what’s your grand plan? Now that the initial shock is over and your family is back to living their own lives, not trekking up here on weekends to see us anymore, what … we’re just going to avoid them? For how long, Ace? Because I hate to break it to you, I might be in this chair forever.”
I dropped my head and pulled my hair, my adrenaline matched what it was at mile six. A million different thoughts raced through my mind, none of which amounted to anything. “What do you want me to say, Tal?”
“I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to start doing. I want you to go home. I want you to visit your family, like you always did. I want you to make up this time you’ve lost with your dad. Make him a priority again. Cherish the time you have left and don’t have regrets. Trust me, there are no do-overs in life and second chances are overrated. Firsts are everything.”
“You’re my number one priority.”
She grabbed the back of her head and lifted her face to the sky and opened her mouth like she was going to scream. The electrically charged skies opened up with a loud crack of thunder and cold sharp drops of rain began to snap our skin. Neither one of us moved for several long seconds.
“Let’s get inside. I don’t want you catching a cold.” She ripped her arms from her chest and wheeled inside, spinning around so fast I thought for sure she was going to tip the chair. “Whoa.” I reached out to grab her.
“Stop, Asher. Just please stop.” She thrust her palms up in front of her. I froze in place, swallowing back the crackling air between us. “You’re scaring me. You have completely lost touch with your life. And I don’t understand why. Not only did you completely disregard my comments about your father, now you aren’t taking care of yourself. I heard the message. And I know you did too. Why were they calling to reschedule your yearly oncology visit? That is not acceptable.”
“It’s no big deal, Tal. I can reschedule. You had therapy.”
“Asher, no. It’s a huge deal! And what is making me out of my mind is that you are completely disregarding it, like you missed a teeth cleaning.”
“I’ll call now. Make the appointment for next week.”
“You are missing my point. AGAIN. You need to worry about you, take care of you. If not, you won’t be around to take care of anyone else. Stop worrying about me. Stop treating me like a fragile piece of glass. I am not going to shatter. I wasn’t before and I am definitely not now. If anything, this chair has made me stronger. You know better than anyone what it’s like to go through hell and back, and God knows this isn’t my first trip. Yeah, this is hard, it sucks and some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I. Hate. This. I hate that I’m stuck in this chair, I hate that every morning I wake up and forget until I try to move, I hate that my son has nightmares but wouldn’t dare tell me, and I hear about it from his girlfriend. Most of all, I hate what all of this is doing to you. But you know what? I’m here and I’m alive. If that doesn’t give you perspective, what does? You need to live your life. Every single day. You always talk about borrowed time. Guess what, we’re all on borrowed time. And I love that you want to fix everything for the people you love, I truly do. But you can’t fix this. You can’t fix me.” She paused, looking like she was having her own internal bout. “I love you. So much. Don’t ever forget that.”
A sick empty pit filled my stomach as my vision flooded with her parting words as she wheeled into surgery. Oh hell no.
“I’ve made a decision. And it has nothing to do with us. Everything to do with me. And don’t think I haven’t weighed every single alternative, I have. Over and over, to the point I can’t think about it for one more second.” My jaw clenched so hard I couldn’t open my mouth soon enough before she continued. “You’ve been by my side, at my beck and call, and honestly because of you I have made it to where I am today. And I’m not just talking about the shooting, I mean with everything. You have given me this strength and shown me just how sweet life can be. But right now, we can’t do this anymore.”
“What’s this?” I hissed, feeling my blood pressure rise and my insides burn.
“Live like this anymore. I can’t stay…” Her eyes welled and her voice caught. The fireball lodged in my throat made it impossible to utter a word. “I have to go.”
“Go where?” I desperately breathed through the flames, my blood now at a rapid boil.
“I need to do this alone. I need to prove to myself I can do this … without you.” Her tears flooded her face. I didn’t move to catch them. I didn’t move to soothe her. I saw red.
I had an iron chin, could absorb just about any shot. But round three with Tal was a complete knock-out.
Unconscious.
Chapter 26 Clarity
“Asher, what a surprise, honey.” She looked up from the kitchen sink as I strolled in the back door. “Everything ok?” she instantly asked.
“What? I can’t stop by and check in?” I snipped a little harsher than I wanted to. I wasn’t ready to field a shitload of questions with no answers. My attitude needed to be checked or I wasn’t gonna have a choice. Ma never put up with my bullshit. She finished rinsing the soapy dish and placed it in the drying rack. It was good to see she had full mobility in her wrist with no residual limitations. You’d never know when my sisters were around. They didn’t let her lift a finger. I pulled the sunglasses from my eyes and leaned down to kiss her cheek.
“Asher Evan Craig, who do you think you’re fooling? It’s Wednesday at noon, honey. Why aren’t you at work? Where’s Talia?”
She wanted to me to visit you, so here I am. I decided six hours alone with my thoughts, replaying every detail of her walking out of my life, wasn’t a healthy option.
“She couldn’t make it. I flew.” Partial truth. The sale of the plane wasn’t finalized until the weekend and seemed like the safer way to go. Last thing my mother needed to hear was that the love of my life just boarded a plane to go halfway across the country for an undisclosed amount of time. And the only reason I didn’t head West—the only reason I let her slip through my fingers—was her final words sitting like a lead pipe in my chest. She gave me no choice but to stay behind. Nothing I said or did would have stopped her, nothing. Tack loaded her into the back of a cab and she was gone, leaving that lead to slowly corrode, eating me alive. Literally cell by cell I was dying inside.
“Well, Dad will be happy to see you.” She took a glass from the cabinet, dipped it under the tap and handed it to me.
“Thanks.” The water acted like an acid singeing my open wound. I fisted my sternum and rubbed to soothe the burn. It did nothing. “Sorry I haven’t been in awhile. Too long, actually. I figured I’d come now, since we aren’t gonna make it this weekend after all.”
“When I spoke to Tal the other day she sounded surprised when I mentioned the party, but said she would talk to you, that you’d try.”
“Yeah, well, something came up last minute.” That wasn’t a total lie either.
“Oh okay.” She leaned against the counter and squinted her softly wrinkled eyes. She wasn’t going to tolerate my edginess much longer. “By the way, it was so wonderful to hear her voice light and cheery again. She seemed happy, excited to be getting around more. And she’s even back to work a little. That’s amazing. After everything, she’s persevered…” Ma shook her head and replaced her smile with a look I couldn’t pin down. “So I was surprised to hear that Constance moved to Florida.” Shit, I really didn’t want to go there. “Good, hopefully she’ll stay. Your father and I never condoned their disgusting behavior, and I’m sure you’ve questioned over the years why we were ever friends. There’s an old saying: ‘Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer’…”