Revulsion—that explained the look on her face. And I was sure my expression was a mirror image.
“We want you to be aware that we don’t know all the details, nor do we need to, but if we had known-”
“That’s the past, Ma.” That part was done; it was history, and as far as I was concerned, it could stay there. But I appreciated my mother’s clarification, and even though she feigned naivety, she was a sharp knife. She knew Tack wasn’t Chase’s and she obviously knew Jack Colton’s reputation.
“We agree—never to be discussed again.” I was relieved she tied together the loose ends. And it made sense. My dad was one of the only ones who wasn’t dicked over by that bastard. My blood boiled just thinking about him, the only thing slightly cooling was hearing her say “we.” Dad was barely coherent these days, definitely not having reflective conversations over tea and biscuits, but they’d always be a we to Ma.
“Anyway, back to your incredible, beautiful woman, you must be so proud of her. A lesser person could have easily slipped into a deep depression, but not Tal. She’s always had such a positive outlook on life.”
She had no idea she just inserted her very sharp knife and twisted. She was going to be devastated to learn that Tal and I were no longer together, but that wasn’t happening today.
“Isn’t this Emma’s actual birthday?” I changed the subject.
“It is and I’m picking her up in a couple of hours from nursery school. I’m sure she would love to see her Unkie Ashy. Listen…” She went for her purse dangling on the chair. “I’d love to chat longer, you know I would, but I have book club with some ladies. Dad should be in the family room, why don’t you head down?” It was nice to see my mom still took part in things she enjoyed and her life didn’t completely revolve around my dad.
“Sounds fun, Ma. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Good, sweetie.” She smiled and blew me a kiss.
I sighed deeply and went in search of my dad. With one question lingering … good day or bad day? I stopped at the doorway and listened. His voice was strong. He seemed relaxed. He was carrying on a conversation with his nurse. She lifted her head at my approach and smiled. Standing immediately, she went to Dad’s side, waited for him to finish speaking and leaned over to gain his full attention. “Mr. Craig, you have a visitor, your son is here.”
“Hey, Pop.” I gave his shoulder a squeeze, but instead of muscle, all I felt was bone. The physical decline was steadily following the cognitive. I rubbed my sternum again and looked toward his caretaker. “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.”
“It’s Susan. What kind of lawyer are you, your memory is for shit?” Dad joked. I grinned. Good day.
“Hey, Susan, nice to see you again. Hope the big man’s behaving.” She giggled and seemed completely smitten with her patient. “I’ve got it covered here if you’d like to take a little break.”
“Thanks, Mr. Craig, he’s been asking for you.” She gave that knife another three sixty. Guilt sucked. She rubbed my dad’s arm again. “I’ll be back in a little while, enjoy your time with your son.”
I needed to make sure we were paying her enough. She was so sweet and perfect for him.
“Haven’t seen you much,” he mumbled, focusing back on the television.
“Busy, Pop, but I’m here now. What’s going on lately?”
He was still focused on the static in the background.
“Same old. Maggie’s always on my case, telling me I work too hard.” I chuckled at his dig. He never missed an opportunity, yet we all knew he didn’t mean a word of it, he worshipped the ground Mom walked on. It was refreshing to see his humor still coming through. I missed our time together. I missed him. “Got the girls ripping through here like tornadoes most days.” I laughed out loud this time. My nieces were driving him crazy. “How’s the business?” My dad always liked to check in on how things were going at the firm. He always enjoyed throwing a business strategy tip or two my way. I socked those away and damn did they come in handy.
“Pretty good. Cut back a bit to take care of Tal, but I’m coming into some more time on my hands.” I left out that this time was not my choice. I didn’t give a damn about the success of my firm or lack thereof. I was focused on how each passing second sucked more than the last. And each minute without her was like reliving the last vertical incline on your bike over and over again, never reaching the apex.
“I left you in charge. I don’t want you slacking, you’re responsible for making money for both of us.” He laughed.
What? My stomach sunk. Shit.
“What’s going on with Trish? I thought you two were better.” Double shit. Trisha was my uncle’s wife.
“Dad-”
He cut me off. “I’ve told you before, Joe. Life is a balance.”
Fuck, he bounced back, way back. He was speaking to his brother. “Dad, it’s Asher. I was talking about Talia. She was hurt.”
“Of course she’s hurt. You’re hurting her. You aren’t giving her the balance she needs. You’re the only one to blame, Joe. Trust me I know it’s easier said than done, but she will love you more if you back off,” he rambled, obviously giving my uncle marriage advice. I had no idea my aunt and uncle ever had any problems. This was my cue to nod and agree. He didn’t need to be corrected. There was no reason to fluster him. “You’re smothering her.”
“Smothering her,” I repeated, speaking over the piercing echo inside my head replaying Tal’s final words as she left for Arizona. ‘Let me go, so you can find yourself, Ace.’ I clenched my eyes shut, those two words stabbing deep into my already raw erosion.
“You have to let her have her own life. She needs freedom. Let her try, fail, and try again.”
Smother.
To choke, to douse, to overwhelm, to strangle, to suffocate.
To extinguish.
A light, a flame, a blaze, a heavy foot stomping it out.
He continued, “There will always be a speed bump or two, even a road block, but if you concentrate on moving forward, moving past that obstacle, continue on your path, your love for each other will pave the way.”
I stared at my dad, trying to remind myself that he was speaking to my dead uncle, giving him advice on how to fix his relationship, not mine. Yet I found myself answering anyway, “But my path ended.” It ended when Talia left. She was the only way I moved forward. She was my ride. Where was she now? Not trying to overcome this hurdle.
“Your path never ends, son. It just heads in a different direction, just keep following it, it will always bring you back.” I blinked. I was so lost in my own thoughts and my father’s words, wanting his advice to hold true for my relationship that it could have been minutes or hours, I had no clue. “Asher!” he snapped, “where’s your gorgeous blonde?”
My chest constricted. ‘Find yourself, Ace.’
“I was wondering the same thing.” My mom sat down on the couch next to me.
“Unkie Ashy, Unkie Ashy.” I blinked again and I was nose to nose with Emma. Her eyes were as big as saucers. They were back already. How long had my dad and I been talking? “Unkie Ashy?” Her bony little knees were digging into my thighs and her hands were resting on my shoulders, when she cocked her head to the side and asked, “Where’s hers?” She wiggled down from my lap and spun around in a circle scanning the whole room in search of Tal. “Where’s hers?”