Immediately I understand. “Don’t worry about it, Kohen. I won’t go in there if you don’t want me to. I was just curious. I’m sorry if I upset you.”
He doesn’t say anything as he digs into his pocket and locks the door with a key.
“Wow, that’s not insulting,” I mumble.
“What was that, babe?” Kohen asks over his shoulder.
“Do you not trust me? I’m not going to go in there once you fall asleep. I understand why you don’t want me in there. You can trust me.”
“I trust you, Adalynn. Never doubt that. It’s just a habit.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but his eyes are tense.
It doesn’t escape me that he still keeps the door locked. I let it go, for now. I have secrets of my own that I keep locked up inside me. The only difference is that my secrets are a part of me and not in a room inside my apartment.
Taking charge, I grip Kohen’s hand again and lead him to his bedroom. I’ve been here a few times so I know exactly where I’m going. When we enter his room, my take-charge attitude floats away.
I’m stuck staring at a blown-up picture of my face. It’s the picture from his living room. He’s mounted it to the wall in front of his bed. I turn away from it and glance around. For some reason the bed seems larger, more intimating. I’m being crazy. I’m just in a weird mental state, that’s all. It’s the same bed that he’s always had, fitted with the same expensive blood red sheets. His furniture is black, opposite of what I would’ve pictured when I imagined his room. It seems out of character for him to have dark furniture, it doesn’t match his light personality.
I tense more when I realize it might fit him more than I thought. He isn’t all light. If he was then we wouldn’t be facing a gigantic hurdle right now. He’s changing, changing for me. Nobody else has attempted to do that for me, ever.
“Want a shirt to sleep in? I have scrubs you can wear too, but they’re going to be huge on you.”
“Sure,” I squeak out.
Kohen hands me a pair of navy scrub pants. I open my mouth to ask for a shirt, but stop, when he removes his. I can only manage to stare. Kohen works out . . . a lot. No matter how many times I’ve seen him without his shirt, I can’t help my hormones spiking.
“Thanks,” I choke out when he passes it to me.
Kohen chuckles while he turns to give me privacy. I would rather change in his bathroom, but this is good enough. Quickly I strip out of my tank and jeans. I toss them on the chair in the corner and slip his shirt over my head. It’s still warm and smells like his sexy cologne. My stomach tightens for some unknown reason. Since the shirt covers everything, I toss the pants at his back and jump into his bed.
He leaves the pants on the floor and strides over to me. It’s the only thing out of place in his room and it makes me laugh. My laughter dies when he climbs into bed with me. He reaches over and switches off the lamp on his nightstand, surrounding us in darkness.
“Relax,” he says when he hauls me closer to him. “Come away with me,” he whispers into the darkness.
Suddenly I’m glad that he’s holding me and that I’m not laying on his chest. I don’t want him to see how broken I am from his words. It really has nothing to do with him, everything he’s doing is perfect. I just wish he was somebody else.
“When?” I ask, knowing that I’m going to go anywhere he wants because it’s the right thing to do.
“Tomorrow. I have a house in the Hamptons. I’ve been wanting to take you there for a while now.” He drags me closer to him so that my back is fully pressed against his chest.
“Why?” I’m stalling.
“Because I know how much you love the water and I want to enjoy the ocean with you. I think a weekend away is exactly what we need. We can leave first thing in the morning and be back Sunday night so that you won’t miss work.”
“Okay.”
I want to ask him how he knows that I’m not working tomorrow, but I don’t. I probably told him sometime last week that I took off today and tomorrow because I needed an extra day to relax. I can feel Kohen’s grin against the back of my head.
“I love you,” he whispers.
I tense because I can’t say the words back. I don’t love him and I won’t be that girl who says it back just because a guy tells me he loves me. Instead I snuggle as close to him as I can.
“Good night,” I murmur.
“Good night, my love,” Kohen replies with a little edge to his voice.
“All set?” Kohen asks when I enter his apartment the next afternoon.
“Yup,” I say as I drop my bag next to his on the floor.
Kohen woke me up with kisses this morning and breakfast in bed. And when I say this morning, I mean before the sun even came out. He was cheery, excited to leave the city for a few days. I just grumbled and wished for sleep. I didn’t get much last night because I kept tossing and turning. My brain wouldn’t shut off. When it finally did, I dreamed of Jax . . . well, I had a nightmare is more like it.
But now that I’ve showered and I’m fully awake, the nervousness has taken hold. I’m restless because this is the first time I’m going away with a guy that isn’t Jax. Going away will be good for us. I need a distraction and a few days away at the beach with a hot guy is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Kohen collects our bags. He holds out his free hand. For some reason I hesitate; this is it. If I take it, I will be sealing my fate with him. No more Jax. He’s out of your life. I take it and squeeze his hand while he leads me out of his apartment. He doesn’t let go until we reach his car.
“Thank you,” Kohen says once he’s done lining up our bags in the back of his Lexus.
“For what?” I try to think of anything special I did for him today. I come up blank
“Thanks for letting me steal you. I know that you’re a little on edge because your brother left so I wanted to take your mind off it.”
God, if he’s any sweeter I might get a cavity. “Trust me. I should be thanking you. I needed to get out of the city for a few days. I’m glad that I’m gonna be with you.” I say the last part quietly, but I mean every word of it because I have no one else, no one left to trust in my life.
Kohen gives me that breathtaking smile of his before starting the car. Immediately I plug in my phone and select one of my favorite playlists for long drives. It’s catchy music that you can sing to, but quiet enough where you can still have a conversation. It’s perfect. Basically, I rock at making playlists.
I hum along to the first few songs and watch New York City fly in a blur. Kohen is quiet, which I appreciate. I have a lot on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about my relationship with Jax. All lies. I see his face when he told me loves me for the first time, I feel his lips on mine, I hear his laughter. More lies. I want to push things further with Kohen because of Jax. I want Kohen to make me forget him.
“Wake up, babe,” Kohen says softly into my ear.
I mumble back something and turn my head. It’s only then, when I feel the kink in my neck, that I realize the car has stopped. I manage to open one eye to see Kohen standing beside me. I open the other and gasp when I spot the beautiful ocean in front of us.
“Wow!” I say, sitting up to take in the view.
“Want to take a walk on the beach?” Kohen helps me out of the car.
“Yes,” I say immediately.
Kohen laughs at my enthusiasm. “Don’t we need to stop and get groceries?” I ask when we pass the house.
“I took care of it. Fridge is full and our bags are put away upstairs already. Oh and I texted Harper and your brother to let them know where you were.”
I tilt my head to see him grinning down at me. I smile back. “You did?”