“How about Mac? That’s a manly name for a bear like this.”
I choke a little and tense at the name. Hadley’s teddy bear, her favorite teddy bear, the only one she slept with every night, the one buried with her, was named Mac. How does he know? It can’t be a coincidence, could it? I’m about to ask him, but think better of it. It’s just a name, I’m analyzing this too much.
I force my voice to work. “It’s perfect.”
Out of every name in the human language, how did he pick Mac? It’s not like it’s a common name for a stuffed animal. It’s just a coincidence.
“I can’t believe you haven’t been on a Ferris wheel before,” Kohen says, breaking through my mental freakout.
Did I tell him that? I can’t summon the mind power to search through our conversations from today. Obviously I did or he wouldn’t know. I give myself a mental shake. I’m over-thinking everything. I need to stop before I voice my crazy thoughts of him being a stalker and ruin our day.
“Yeah, I know, but my mom would never let us ride them when we were younger and I haven’t been to a carnival since . . .” I trail off, not wanting to go there. “So hopefully this doesn’t break and we don’t fall to our deaths like my mom was always afraid of.”
“Your mom sounds like a lot like my mine. My mom wasn’t the biggest fan of this ride either.”
When we’re seated on the Ferris wheel, I’m sandwiched between him and the stuffed animal that comes up to my knees.
Clutching my hand, he whispers, “Relax, Adalynn, this isn’t going to break, we won’t fall to our deaths. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Easier said than done. I yelp in surprise when the ride moves, making Kohen chuckle. It stops to let on the next passenger.
“See, that wasn’t so bad,” he says into my ear as we move again.
He trails small open mouth kisses from my ear down my throat. My breath hitches. He’s trying to distract me and it’s working. He slowly kisses my nose, my closed eyelids, both cheeks, and as we reach the top he kisses my lips. All my crazy thoughts earlier about Kohen disappear as I open my mouth to him. Slowly, oh so painfully slow, he strokes his tongue with mine. He keeps the kiss slow, sensual, barely touching his tongue with mine.
“Open your eyes, babe.”
I gasp in surprise when I see the breathtaking view. I almost feel like we’re floating being up this high. I have a clear view of the city lights from here. I want to look down, but I know that will be a mistake. Instead I stare, mesmerized at the setting sun reflecting off the water in Central Park. It feels more like a dream than reality.
“It’s beautiful.”
The last remaining thought of Jax floats away as I look into the horizon. I can’t believe I’ve never done this before. And that I’m sharing this experience with someone as special as Kohen. I lean against him and we enjoy the view in silence at the top. As the ride descends to let us off, I think this is the beginning of us, and the end of Jax.
“Want to stay the night?” I ask when we reach my door.
He nods as he closes the distance between us and brings his mouth down to mine. I force myself to turn my head so I can unlock my door. Kohen takes full advantage of my exposed neck, making it impossible to concentrate on the task at hand. It takes me six tries until I’m finally able to insert the key.
Chapter Seventeen
The door bursts open as Kohen eagerly pushes me inside my apartment. Dropping my purse, I turn to face him. His mouth captures mine so fast I gasp. His mouth is powerful, punishing even. I can’t even kiss him back, I stand helplessly as he steals my breath away. He runs his hands down my arms to my waist and picks me up. Automatically I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him back just as fiercely as he’s kissing me. He carries me through my apartment heading in the direction of my bedroom. Perfect.
I moan into his mouth when he bites my lower lip. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but it feels too good to stop.
Tongues fighting each other, we finally reach my room. Slowly, Kohen releases me, dragging my body down his strong one, letting me feel every one of his muscles with my body. I squeeze my thighs together, hoping to stop the moisture gathering in my panties. I only make it worse.
He brushes the hair out of my face. He bends down so that his mouth hovers over mine, but doesn’t move closer. I stretch so I can close the tiny distance between us. He backs away.
“I love you. God, Adalynn I love you so much. I’ve loved you for so long, since the day I first saw you.”
Breathing is nonexistent. I so did not expect him to declare his love for me when he opened his mouth. Why did he have to ruin this? I push away from him and sit on the edge of my bed. This can’t be happening. He doesn’t really know me. He can’t love me. I examine his face and see that he believes he really does love me.
I’m going to throw up.
I press my hand to my mouth and will myself to take small deep breaths. He isn’t down on one knee. He just said ‘I love you,’ no big deal. I know people say this all the time, but not to me, this feels wrong, he isn’t Jax.
I need to say something, but I can’t. Every time I open my mouth to speak, it feels like someone poured cement into it, making it impossible. He cups both hands around my legs and rubs them. After several awkward minutes of silence, he pulls his hands away from my legs and begins to stroke my face.
“Babe, it’s okay. I know it’s too soon for you. You don’t have to say it back. I want you to say it when you really mean it, not because I said it.” I hear the sincerity in his voice, “I couldn’t wait any longer. I need you to know that I love you, that I’ve always loved you and I always will. I want to be the person you love, the person you want a future with. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes to hear those words for you, Adalynn, because you’re worth it.”
I give him a tight smile and nod since I’m incapable of speaking. Everything he says is perfect, what I’ve always wanted to hear from the man that loves me. I’ve just always pictured that the man confessing his love for me would have green eyes, not blue. It hurts that the image I’ve had since childhood has disappeared with Kohen’s words. This isn’t fair to him. I should be ecstatic that he loves me, but the only thing I can think about is the green-eyed God.
Kohen is the type of man that I should be in love with, the man that my parents would admire. He’s the type of man to plan a future with, to grow old together. Maybe one day, he can be that man for me.
“I think in time I can fall in love with you, too.”
Kohen opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him with my lips. I don’t need anymore words tonight. He takes control of this kiss, too. I can feel the extent of his love; he’s showing me with his mouth how much he cares. I pull away first because I can’t go further. He frowns so quickly that I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention.
Without any direction from me, Kohen gets up off the floor and heads over to the dresser where I keep my old shirts. He grabs an old jersey, one of Jax’s, and sets it on the bed beside me. “I’m going to get us some water while you change for bed, my love.”
I swallow the bile rising up.
He kisses my cheek. “If you want me to go, I understand.”
His words register when he reaches the threshold. “No, please stay,” I whisper to him before he leaves my room.
Kohen returns right when I’m coming out of the bathroom from doing my nightly routine.
“Hey,” I say lamely to fill the silence.
He runs his fingers through my hair. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You take my breath away, Adalynn.”
I rest my head against his chest. “You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve someone like you.”
He tilts my head up. “You deserve anything and everything you want, Adalynn. We belong together, never doubt that.”