“She doesn’t cry.”
“I know! That’s why I came here without another word. I was prepared to see her bawling her eyes out or something . . .” Her voice trails off.
“But that’s not what you found?”
“She was here, but wasn’t. She was just gone. She was outside when I came in. From a distance I thought she was asleep, but when I got close I heard her mumbling and saw that the light had left her eyes.”
Nobody says anything for a while. I can hear Jax pacing back and forth. Even after everything that has happened between us, I know he wants to be here for me. He can’t help it even if he knows he shouldn’t. Just like I should force him to leave, be strong enough without him, but I can’t. Not tonight. Tonight I need Jaxon Chandler as much as I need to breathe.
I also know that when the sun breaks through my plum curtains, that it will be over. We will go back to our separate lives, my heart broken all over again, and this time I’m willingly allowing it to happen.
“Hadley’s her sister right?” Harper asks quietly, as if she’s afraid to ask.
“Hadley was her little sister.”
“I won’t ask anymore questions. If Addie is ever ready to tell me, I’m here for her. I’m not very forthcoming with information, either, so I understand.”
My entire body relaxes. I thought she would have pushed for answers and I’m glad that I was wrong. She isn’t pissed at me for keeping something like this from her. Which of course makes me wonder what she’s hiding. I know she’s hiding something, but I won’t press. When she’s ready to open up, I’ll be here for her. Just like she is for me.
“Thanks,” Jax says, breaking the silence.
“For what?”
“Calling me.”
“Don’t make me regret it. I already had Logan’s name on my screen, ready to press the call.”
“What stopped you?” Jax asks for both of us.
“You. She called out your name. I was here for almost an hour before I called you. She was either silent or saying Hadley. Then she said your name. After that, I knew I had to call you.”
I would give anything to see his face. I want to see if he’s freaking out or not. I move away from the wall to go in there, but Harper’s voice stops me.
“I’m gonna go. Something tells me that you can do more for her than I can.”
Not wanting to be found, I slip back inside my room. Right before I shut my door, I hear Harper threaten Jax.
“I don’t care that you’ve been in her life forever, I will murder you,” Harper says darkly. “If you make her worse than she is now, you will regret ever breathing. I promise you.”
Whoa. She’s a badass. If I was on the receiving end of that, I’m pretty sure I would have pissed my pants. I’ve never heard her talk like that before. Each word was laced with such promise that I have no doubt that she will follow through.
Footsteps come down the hallway so I’m forced to run across my room and jump on my bed. I should pretend to be asleep. I don’t. I just wait. Straining to listen, I hear the door shut and then heavy footsteps. I perch on the end of my bed and hold my breath. I count to twelve in my head before I hear Jax sigh loudly. Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again.
Jax opens my door. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. Silently, I watch him walk over to my dresser and pull out pjs.
“I’m gonna help you into this.”
It’s the only one of his shirts I kept. I couldn’t part with it, it’s the very first shirt I stole from him. It’s faded, has a large hole on the hem, but otherwise in decent condition.
“If you don’t want me to, I’ll turn around, but I’m not leaving.”
All I hear is he isn’t leaving. He’s going to stay. I try to give him a small smile to let him know that I’m okay, but I fail.
“Hands up.”
Raising my hands, I study his face. He doesn’t take his gaze off mine while he removes my shirt. He slides his old shirt over my head, but before sliding it all the way off, he reaches behind me and unclasps my bra. He slips each strap off my shoulders and tugs my bra out of the sleeve, all without taking his eyes off mine.
“Up.”
I stand and rest my head on his hard chest, exhausted. He unbuttons my pants and slides them past my butt.
“Sit,” he orders quietly when he’s pushed them down as far as he can.
Jax finishes pulling off my pants with practiced ease. Even though the pain from seeing him is so painful that I have to rub my chest, I’m happy he’s here. It’s as if I’m losing him all over again. Which is stupid. He wasn’t even mine. Can’t lose something I’ve never had.
“. . . everything or just the end?” Jax asks
“What?”
Jax regards me with a small grin. He knows why I wasn’t paying attention. I love that he isn’t treating me differently, like I’m made of glass. I love that he’s still being the Jax that I know and love. Love. No. I don’t love him love him. I love him like a dear friend. Yeah, I can’t even swallow that down without an eye roll. Hopefully if I say it enough times, I will start to believe it. If only it was that simple.
“I asked if you heard everything or just the end.”
I shrug in answer. I have no idea how he knows that I was listening to him and Harper, but then again it’s Jax.
“Thought so,” he says as he gets up.
I can’t help the panic that overtakes me. When he strides past my door and to the bathroom, I’m finally able to breathe normally. He’s not leaving.
Jax holds up my hair brush like it’s a gold medal. His face falls when he sees my panic. In a few long strides, Jax is bending down so that we’re on the same level.
“I’m. Not. Leaving,” he says slowly.
Resting my head against his forehead I give him my first real smile tonight. It’s small but it’s real. Just being in his presence comforts me. It reminds me of our childhood, simpler times. After another minute or two that goes by too quickly, I finally pull away from him. I have to remind myself that he’s only here for the night. He isn’t staying. I only have this one night with him before reality returns.
If I only have tonight with Jax, I’m going to make the best of it. I’m going to say good-bye to him for good. After tonight, I will move on. It will hurt, most days will be worse than the day before, but I’ll survive. The worst has already happened to me. I can handle losing the man I love. I don’t want to, but I’ll move on to someone else. It might be Kohen. It might not. I know whoever I fall in love with, I will never be able to feel the same way I do about Jax. Jax is my great love. My soul yearns for him.
“I don’t remember hair brushes being part of our sleepover requirements when we were younger,” I say over my shoulder when he starts to brush my hair.
“Well, since you don’t need a first aid kit for me, I thought we could change tonight up a bit.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal.
I try to act nonchalant even though I feel anything but nonchalance remembering the countless times I patched up his dad’s handiwork.
“So you’re going to brush my hair?” I ask again.
“Yes and you’re going to talk to me.”
I don’t say anything. What do you say when an unbelievably hot man tells you he’s going to brush your hair while you pour out your feelings? Nothing. So instead I relax into him.
“Where were you going tonight? Shouldn’t you have been at dinner with Logan?” Jax asks me after about ten minutes.
The soft strokes of the brush almost hypnotize me into sleep, but remembering where I saw him and what he was doing jolts me awake. Gritting my teeth, I count to five slowly, attempting to calm down.
“I was going for a walk,” I say once I’m sure I won’t lash out at him.
He nods as if this makes perfect sense. After another minute he sets the brush down on the nightstand. Then he drags me to him so I’m resting against his chest while he leans against the headboard. I melt into him thinking that the interrogation ended.