“Twice,” Jax says while opening the fridge.
“How do you—”
“I was there for the first one. Heard about the second.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask after I set a pan on the stove and turn on the flame.
Jax backs our from the fridge, grabbing everything we will need to make breakfast, with a smile on his face. When he sees that I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about, his grin turns smug. “Oh, so you don’t remember I take it?”
“Cut the crap, Chandler.”
“Say please and I might tell you, Maxwell.”
I roll my eyes as I mumble, “Please.”
He lays pieces of bacon onto the hot pan. “Who was the tiny person with the brown hair on your team? Super loud, super—”
“Lexi,” I say, all traces of humor gone.
“That’s the one! Remember that ‘little’ sleepover you went to at her house and it turned into a party?”
Remembering it all too well, I bite out, “Yes.”
“Well, you may not have noticed, but Connor and I actually turned up at the party that night.”
“I know. I remember.”
“Huh? Oh well, I didn’t think you noticed since you were pretty hammered by the time we showed up. I let you finish—”
“You let me?” I ask, enraged.
“As I was saying . . .” He points the spatula at me with a grin that drops the second his eyes land on my not-so-amused face. “What’s wrong?” he asks, full of concern.
“Nothing,” I mumble underneath my breath.
God, I’m being ridiculous. This was high school. I have no idea why I’m letting something that happened over nine years ago still affect me.
“Ads.”
“I’m being stupid. Tell me the rest of the story since most of the night is a blur.”
Too bad I already had a play-by-play from my “dearest” friend Lexi the next day.
“Okay . . . Well since you were already smashed, I let you finish the drink you were working on, then Connor and I took turns switching your red solo cups with cups of water,” he says with a grin. “You never noticed.”
Bitterly I ask, “When does the peeing part come in?” I’m ready for this conversation to be over.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me what’s gotten your panties in a twist.” Jax holds his pinky finger up to me.
Knowing that he won’t stop until he gets his way, I pinky promise him. He returns to cooking breakfast.
“Excellent.” He smiles in victory. “Where was I?”
“You were just explaining that you and Connor liked to ruin my fun even back then.”
“Ah, that’s right. So eventually you tried to leave the party. So of course I followed you. You got to the mailbox before you fell on your face. You ‘tripped,’ your words not mine.” He turns his head towards me to give me a wink. “After helping you sit up, you grabbed your stomach and said you had to pee. By the looks of it, I knew you wouldn’t make it back to the house so I started to help you walk over to the bushes on the side of her yard . . .”
No! I thought that was a terrible nightmare, especially when Lexi told me what her and Jax did all night long.
“So you helped me pee in her bush?” I ask, mortified that I forgot. Apparently my mind knew how traumatizing that was so I repressed it.
“Not exactly . . .” Jax says with a chuckle, making me nervous.
“Jax!” I warn.
“After a few steps I knew we would never reach the bushes with you falling over yourself so I picked you up. I thought we would get there faster. I thought you could hold it. I was wrong . . .”
Jax laughs loudly it’s hard to process what he’s saying. Staring at him, I try to piece the puzzle back together. I don’t remember much after the mailbox. I remember a bush and my dress being held up by strong hands . . . Jax’s hands.
“Oh God! You held my dress up while I peed!”
“After . . .yes, though I didn’t think it mattered at that point.”
“What are you—”
Oh fuck. Please no!
“We didn’t make it to the bushes. You peed on me about three steps away from it. You managed to hold the rest in so I could help you pull your panties down and lift your dress up while you finished.”
“OH . . . MY . . . GOD . . .” I say through my hands. I refuse to lower my hands and look at him.
“Yup. So you can imagine why seeing you pee on a toilet doesn’t bother me . . . So I’ve had you pee on me and puke on me . . . Let’s not go for round . . .” his voice trails off.
There won’t be a round two, or three. After today we won’t hang out like we used to. After he leaves, the spell will be broken and reality will hit. We won’t have any more secret kisses, any inside jokes, he will be Logan’s friend. Once he leaves, I lose the love of my life.
Trying to lighten the suddenly dark mood, he nudges me with his shoulder. I force the morbid thoughts away and concentrate on that night nine years ago. Sitting on my stool, hands covering my face, I try to picture the scene Jax describes, but I come up with a blank.
“It doesn’t make sense,” I say quietly.
“What doesn’t?” Jax asks as he sets a plate down in front of me.
Still talking through my hands I ask, “Why were you with me? You were with Lexi all night.”
Before I know whats happening, he’s pulling my unwilling hands off my face. “What are you talking about?”
Forgetting my humiliation, I admit to him that I know he slept with her. “Lexi . . .That brunette who is super loud, the chick you fucked that night.”
This time his laughter isn’t forced. Awesome. All of anger I felt all those years ago, when Lexi woke me up bragging that she slept with Jax, bubbles to the surface. I knew then what I know now, Jax wasn’t mine and will never be mine.
“It’s not funny!” I snap.
“So that’s why you refused to talk to me for two weeks . . .” Jax chuckles as he tries to fight the smile on his lips. “Even when I came over at night you just handed me the first aid kit and went to bed. All because of that?”
All traces of humor are gone. I wish I was able to block out those two weeks, but I can’t. Those were the worst two weeks of my life, being pissed at Jax and then being pissed at myself for being mad at him. He could sleep with whoever he wanted, I had to remind my fourteen-year-old self. I want to lie to him, but he’ll see through me. I nod.
“I was with you all night,” he says with hands on my thighs.
All I see is honesty in his eyes. Which doesn’t make sense.
“Lexi said you had sex with her.”
“Lexi said a lot of things.”
Yeah, that’s the understatement of the year. I used to think she was so “cool” because she was a junior and wanted to hang out with me all the time. That was before I realized she was only hanging out with me to get closer to Jax. Our friendship ended pretty much the next morning when she confirmed that she slept with him.
“I didn’t sleep with her.”
I roll my eyes at him. He grips my chin so I can’t turn away.
“Not that night. Not any night. I’ve never slept with her.”
“But she said—”
“She said a lot of things, Ads. You know better than anyone that she would lie to anyone willing to listen.”
I nod, knowing the truth. “But she was hanging all over you that night.”
“Yeah, for about five seconds.”
“No.”
“Yes. For a whole five seconds, I decided to see if I could get a reaction from you. Then I stopped because I realized it was pointless.”
He’s lost me. “What?”
“I was a kid. Even back then, I was in love with you. I was trying to make you jealous. I didn’t know . . . I mean, I thought you liked me, but I wasn’t sure at the time. Those two weeks of silence confirmed my suspicion, though.”
I rub my temples. “I’m confused.”
Running his hand through his unruly hair again, Jax sighs loudly. “I thought if I could make you jealous then I would know if you cared about me the way I cared about you . . . I never slept with Lexi or anyone in high school.”