It wasn’t a secret as to why he probably fled away from me. I pushed him too far, I must have because there was no other explanation as to why he would stop inviting me up to the Bourbon Room or stop sending me flowers and cards. He was a lost soul just like me, but instead of seeking comfort like I did, he distanced himself away from everyone and used sex as an outlet, not as a connection. I knew this going into my contract; I knew he couldn’t offer me what I would eventually end up wanting, but I couldn’t help it. He won my heart the minute I saw the way he took care of me and saved me from a bottomless abyss that was consuming my life.
“Lo,” the deep rasp of Kace’s voice brought me back to the present. I gradually looked up and met his eyes with mine. “Are you okay?”
A sob that I was holding back escaped my throat as I shook my head no and started to watch my tears fall to my lap. My emotions were running rampant as I tried to rein them in, but there was no hope. I was a lost cause.
“Come here,” Kace said, as he scooped me up in his arms and started walking toward the back stairs. I thought about protesting, but I didn’t have enough energy to do so. So I let the former boxing professional with hard eyes, but a soft heart, carry me up to my bedroom.
When he reached my room, he gently placed me on my bed and had me lean back on my pillow. He went into my bathroom and grabbed a warm, wet towel for my face. When he handed it to me, he sat down on my bed right next to me, consuming the air around us. He brushed my hair away from my face as he looked at me with concern.
“What’s going on, Lo? You haven’t been your normal self lately.”
I pressed the warm towel against my face as I brought my legs into my chest, not caring what kind of body part I might be showing off in my miniscule underwear.
“You’re just going to tell me I told you so.”
“Try me,” Kace said, as he gripped my foot and squeezed it, warming my body with the gentle connection of a human’s touch.
“It’s my parent’s death anniversary,” I said softly, almost too softly, so that I was nervous that Kace didn’t hear me.
The bed dipped as Kace reached over, grabbed my body and set me on his lap. I buried my head in his neck and cried as he rubbed my back and calmed me with soothing tones.
“And he hasn’t talked to me since the other night. I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me anymore. What did I do that was so wrong? Is it because I care about him?”
Kace shook his head as he held me tighter. “He has problems, Lo. Problems that you will never be able to fix, but you’re the first girl I’ve seen get under his skin in a long time and seeing it from the outside, I would bet my two balls that you scared the shit out of him. He’s pushing you away because you got too close.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I hiccupped, as I tried to steady my ragged breathing.
“No, it doesn’t, but he’s not going to change…not even for someone who has shown him how his life could be, someone like you. He will always want a contract and he will always keep pushing you away.”
Kace’s word struck deeper than I thought. I was in denial most of the time about Jett’s feelings so when he told me the cold hard truth, it stung, it fucking stung bad.
“I can’t go on tonight, Kace.”
“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to.”
Shocked about how he didn’t put up a fight, I looked up at him and said, “You’re not going to kick me out on the streets for missing a presentation?” The corner of his mouth twitched as I asked about his ongoing empty threat.
Kace brought his hand up to my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb as she shook his head no. “No, you deserve a night off. I can stay with you if you would like, if you want the company.”
“Thank you, but I’m going to go visit my parent’s grave. I’ll feel better if I do.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
I didn’t understand why Kace was being so nice, but if I was to be honest, it was freaking me the fuck out. He was a moody cockhead and the fact that he was not only putting my well-being before anything else right now and touching me as if I was a porcelain doll, made me feel a plethora of mixed emotions…emotions that were not welcomed right now.
“Thanks, but I think I should just go by myself. I think I would feel self-conscious if you went, since I talk to them out loud like a crazy.”
“Well, if you need anything, let me know.” Kace placed me back on the bed and stepped away. He looked down at me and pulled on the back of his neck as he studied me. If only I could go in his head for a couple of minutes, just to see what he was thinking, I would be able to figure out the man much better.
“Are you going to stay?” The sadness in Kace’s voice as he asked me as the question surprised me, as if he would actually be sad if I left.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know if I can stay here if he keeps inviting up every other girl except for me. I know…his rules, his house, but a part of me feels so incredibly connected to him, like we were two souls drifting and finally found each other. I know it sounds stupid, but I can’t help it. He’s captured me and not being able to see him, hear him or touch him while I live under his roof is just torture. I don’t think I can live like that.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“Not sure,” I said, as I shrugged my shoulders, “But I have to figure something out soon because I can’t continue the way I’ve been living.”
I got off my bed and went to my closet and turned around to face Kace. “I’ll be home later tonight.”
He just nodded as I headed off to get changed, not even questioning me.
***
I traced the letters on my parents’ gravestone in the Lafayette Cemetery as tears streamed down my face. Tourists walked past me, which reminded me why I hated the fact that my family’s vault was in the ever-popular cemetery. A tour guide walked past me as she talked about how there were over 500 vaults in the cemetery as tourists took picture of the above ground cemetery, which was fascinating, I would give them that, but when it came to the only place I could sit and talk to my parents, it was frustrating.
I wished for privacy, I wished for the opportunity to talk to my parents without being interrupted every two seconds by a tourist exclaiming they found a gravestone form the 1800’s, as if it was a scavenger hunt. If I was wishing for things, then I might as well wish for my parents to still be with me, rather than their souls at the gravestone and their ashes scattered across the Mississippi river.
“I miss you guys,” I mumbled to myself as I scooted closer on the ground and continued to run my fingers over their carving. “I don’t know…”
“Hello.”
A screech escaped my mouth as my hands flew to my heart from being startled. Quickly I wiped my tears away and looked up to see Jett staring down at me. The sun was behind him so I could only see the outline of his body, but I would know that frame and that voice anywhere.
“What are you doing here?” I said snidely, as I gathered my legs in my arms. “Stalk much?”
“You were crying.”
“Wow, did you pay a lot of money for that detective degree?”
He ignored my sarcasm and asked, “Why were you crying?”
“Why do you care? Just get out of here, you found me…congratulations, you can win stalker of the year now. Kace gave me the night off.”
“Why were you crying, Goldie?”
The way he said my name, with such concern, broke the microscopic thread I was hanging on to. Tears streamed down my face as I buried my head in my knees and wished for Jett to leave. I didn’t want him to see me like this, completely and utterly weak. I prided myself on being able to be strong and stick up for myself and the fact that he was seeing me at such a broken moment in my life, made me feel extremely self-conscious.