I pull on some jeans, a sweatshirt, and my Converse as I repeatedly recite that this isn’t a big deal. Everything’s going to be fine.
But it is a big deal. It’s a very big deal.
After getting keys from Kendall, I sit in Jameson’s car, telling myself the plan. In and out. I can do this.
“I need to stop repeating mantras. This should be my new mantra,” I say to the empty car as I back out and head toward Max’s.
As soon as I pull up, the front door opens and my heart stops with anticipation. Thankfully it’s Landon and I open the car door. I know already from the inventory of vehicles in the driveway that Max is here, unless he took his motorcycle, which is always housed in the garage.
“What do you know, it’s a Bosse,” Landon says, taking a few steps toward me. “I was hoping you guys would show up soon so I could figure out what in the hell happened.”
I stop at the hood of the car, not certain of what he knows.
“Seriously, all hell has broken out in there. What’s going on?”
“What happened?” I ask, avoiding his question and feigning ignorance.
“Jameson is ready to kill Max, and Max hasn’t said five words since I’ve been home.”
I shake my head, giving him my best look of innocence. There’s no way I’m going to explain things. I’ll let Max take care of that. “I just came by to get my schoolbag and car,” I explain, taking a deep breath and heading to the front door as Landon walks to his car.
“Well if anyone can help get Max out of his mood, it’s you. I hope you fix him before I’m back.”
I offer a weak smile and open the door without bothering to knock, not wanting to draw attention to myself. I know I won’t get lucky enough to get in and out unnoticed, but a small piece of me hopes that it’s possible.
Guilt slowly fills my chest at the sight of the mess from the party debris. Half-empty cups, plates with encrusted crumbs, a stray flip flop, and random articles of clothes litter the house. I work to shove it down and focus on my reason for being here.
I slowly make my way upstairs and face Max’s closed bedroom door. I hadn’t even considered her being here. Would she be here? Shit, I can’t do this! I begin to turn around, but my foot snags on a stray shirt that I’d stepped over on my way here. My arm slams against the wall, making a ridiculous amount of noise as I work to right myself.
Max’s door flies open and he stands in his doorway, staring at me in surprise. I consider fleeing, the stairs are so close, but my keys, along with all of my school things that I need are in his room.
I stand straighter and square my shoulders. “I need my things.”
He swallows and then reaches down and grabs the loose shirt that I’d tripped on and tosses it over the railing before waving me into his room.
I have to mentally instruct myself to move and make my way by Max, barely brushing against his chest with my shoulder. The state of disarray his room is in catches me off guard. I’ve never seen his room anything but military clean, almost bare, yet today clothes are strewn everywhere and the pillows and comforter are tangled and wadded up on the floor. Nothing appears to have been broken, thankfully, but it amazes me how messy his room has become with such few items.
I take a few more steps inside and round the bed to find all my things are gone.
“Ace, I just need you to talk to me. You don’t even have to talk, you can listen and I’ll talk.”
“I’ll save you the trouble. You were drinking. She was hot. You kissed her. I know that there’s more, I know you’ve known her a while, but really I’d prefer to not know the details. In this case I think I’d prefer to be in the dark.”
“That’s not what happened!” Max cries, extending his arm and brushing his fingers against my elbow for an instant before I pull away and shoot him a glare.
“I watched! I saw you in the backyard. I saw her come over and shove her ginormous boobs on you and then watched you guys kiss. You kissed her, Max! I saw it! Don’t tell me that’s not what happened.” I’ve never been someone that raises my voice, but the words leave me at a yelling volume as I throw a pillow across the room.
“Ace, I … I need you to just listen to me for a few minutes, okay? Just hear me out.”
“Where are my things? I just need my laptop and my purse. The rest I couldn’t care less about.” I rummage through a pile of laundry, absently wondering once more how in the hell his room has become so messy.
“I’ve known Lacey since high school,” Max begins, and I shake my head violently, indicating for him to stop. “We used to date off and on.”
I place my hands over my ears. I know that the act is childish, but I can’t stop it. The idea of hearing about their past threatens to crush me.
“Just listen to me, Ace. I know how your mind works. You want to know every spec of information about things so you can overanalyze the shit out of them until you feel like you understand it. I’m trying to give you the pieces! I just need you to listen to me!”
“I don’t want to hear it! I feel like an idiot right now! And I hurt.” My voice cracks with my last admission, and I take a deep breath as the sadness begins to overshadow my anger. “I don’t want to know more, because I can’t take more right now.” My eyes drop from the ceiling to look at him for a fleeting second before they fall to the ground.
“I want to make it better!” Max pleads, quietly taking a cautious step toward me. “I’m going fucking crazy here trying to understand what happened and how to get you to understand it.”
“If you don’t understand it, do you really think I’m going to? When you told me that you wanted us to be close emotionally in case you did something to piss me off, this wasn’t the type of situation I had in mind. I told you, Max, I’m not this kind of person. If you wanted to make out with her, or do whatever in the hell else you did with her, then just respect me enough to end things.”
“Nothing else happened!” he yells. He takes a deep breath and hangs his head before I feel him looking at me again. “Ace, I’ve been honest with you from the beginning. I’m not lying to you when I tell you that I have no interest in her. At all. I have no interest in anyone besides you! I haven’t even looked at another girl!” I watch from the corner of my eye as he throws his hands up in the air and rakes them through his hair several times.
“I love you, Ace, and I know, I know that you love me. Please. Please, just let me explain!” I stop digging through another pile of clothes and turn my attention to him.
“I’ve known Lacey since I was sixteen. We dated off and on for a couple of years until I moved up to Alaska. She found out that I was home and stopped by in June. I hadn’t even seen you yet. You were still in France. When you and I started hanging out I was dating her. I tried ignoring you. I didn’t want to like you, but by then it was too late. We broke up at the end of June, long before you and I started dating because I knew I had feelings for you, and I knew that if I saw other people at the same time I’d screw things up.” Max pauses and looks at me for a response, and I feel steel walls erecting around me as I try to keep myself still and listen, looking unfazed.
“What about Felicia?”
“Felicia and I never slept together! I just needed a distraction from you. I explained this to you before we started dating. Then I gave you as much time as you wanted after you finally broke up with that fuck face, and during that time I didn’t see anyone else.”
I replay his initial statement, and the words hit me like a slap to my face. “You didn’t want to like me?” Before I can contemplate the reasoning, I begin mentally comparing myself to Lacey. I’m sure that anytime Lacey goes out, she’s put together, similar to my mom and sisters. I know the type welclass="underline" hair, nails, and makeup pristine, always wearing cute and fashionable clothes that match her purse and accessories. I look down at my current sweatshirt and jeans and the tears begin to sting my eyes.