As he sat quietly alone looking out the library window, he felt a warm hand on his back. He knew the familiar touch. Sarah. He turned to face her, anxious to tell her about everything that happened and how he had completed his task admirably, but was met not only by her eyes but by Kerian’s.
“Shall we watch the video?” Kerian asked, motioning toward the door.
The fucking video. Sawyer had completely forgotten about it. It’s a good thing too or else he might not have done so well during the scene.
Once in Kerian’s office everyone sat down for the show. Even though the scene had a positive outcome, he didn’t particularly feel like reliving the moment and watching himself fuck and choke Ciara, most especially not in front of Sarah.
He pulled his chair back a bit and kept his eyes trained on a spot on the wall while it played. He could hear his words and Ciara’s whimpering and he felt nauseated. Out of morbid curiosity, his eyes darted to the television screen, but he quickly averted his eyes elsewhere. Hell no. A person wasn’t meant to see their own dick on 1080P. Christ, he could see every single one of his scars in high-definition.
As he chewed the corner of his lip tensely, Sarah glanced over at him. He thought he saw something in her eyes, but the room was too dark to make out what the emotion was.
When it was over, Kerian flicked the light on and proceeded to slap Sawyer on the back.
“Well done, Mr. Morrison. That was quite a show. I’d like to point out your errors, but there are none that I can find. Except maybe for your ‘O face,’ but it’s not like we have any control over that sort of thing, is it?” he laughed obnoxiously.
Sarah’s face reddened and so did the other women, and Sawyer felt like punching Kerian in his arrogant head for being such a tactless shit. He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat awkwardly trying to silence Kerian’s mocking.
“Sarah has some things to discuss with you,” he finally added when he had fill of his own crass joke.
He and Sarah went into the foyer when he noticed she had their contract in her hands. He stared at it numbly wondering why the hell she had brought it along. She gripped it tightly but finally handed it over.
“Your training is complete, Sawyer. We won’t be needing this any longer.”
Her words sent his head spinning and he felt the screams of denial at the back of his throat. Widening his stance, he placed his hands on his hips and shot Sarah a penetrating look.
“I thought a decision like this needed to be made by all my trainers.”
Her eyes immediately lowered to the floor and she whispered, “It wasn’t my decision alone. The Youngs and Kerian all agree that you’ve made significant and rapid progress. Your selfless and brave actions today have proven to all of us that you’re a true Dom, and that my services are no longer needed.”
His dark eyes showed a tortured dullness of disbelief. There was no way he felt ready for his training to be over. Who the hell did Young and Kerian, and Sarah for that matter, think they were making a decision like that without first discussing it with him? Didn’t he have a say in the matter? There was so much more to learn. So much more…
He shook his head regretfully and touched her chin, guiding her to look at him. How could she think that all that she had given him was a service? “You’ve provided me with more than just a service, Sarah. You’ve given me more than you can ever know… don’t you know that?”
“Just because your training period is over doesn’t mean that your learning is, Sir. This lifestyle is a never-ending lesson on life and love…learning your partner’s desires and to trust… I can only hope I’ve provided more than a service to you, but I can’t teach you anything that you don’t already know. You’re such a brilliant, kind, stern man… and so good…” Her eyes became glassy and for a moment he thought she would cry, but she rigidly held her composure. “…whoever you choose to be your submissive or slave will teach you the rest.”
All at once Sawyer felt like he couldn’t breathe. The scene, his upcoming discussion with Ciara about his reasons for not committing to her and now this… he felt as though the life was being choked out of him. How apropos considering what he had just done to Ciara.
The heartrending look on Sarah’s face were tearing him apart. He had to get out of the room, fast. Dropping his hand to his side, he turned to walk away without saying anymore. What else was there to say? His feelings were too raw to discuss and he didn’t want to say anything hurtful.
When he arrived in his suite, he slammed the door behind him and sank onto the bed, his hands fisting his own hair.
Didn’t his time with Sarah mean anything to her? She had insisted on open and honest communication, and still he hadn’t made his intentions perfectly clear. Even if he had, would she have accepted his offer of commitment? Of course not, he was only her trainee. All at once he could understand how Kerian felt at the thought of saying goodbye to Ciara.
His sense of loss was beyond tears and he fell back onto the bed. Only a few minutes passed before Ciara came in. She lay next to him and ran her hand over his face, sensing his turmoil.
“Why are you so upset, Master Morrison?”
He rolled onto his side to face her and propped himself up on one elbow. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable.
“I just want you to know that I had every intention of asking you to be my slave when my training was complete, which it is now, I’ve been told.”
Ciara’s brows drew together. “You had every intention? But you no longer do?”
“No, Angel, I don’t.”
Her mouth parted in surprise and she sat up on the edge of bed as she began to physically withdraw from him. It was painful to see her feeling rejected and he moved next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.
“You’re home is here, with your true family, and the true loves of your life – Kerian and Julia. I could never hold a flame to them, and I’m not even going to try.”
Ciara gasped and shook her head. “No, Master. I can’t stay here. Master K has made that very clear. I need to find another Master. I want you, Sawyer.”
He smiled and felt a knot rise in his throat. “I’m truly honored that you would even consider me, but… Your heart doesn’t belong to me any more than mine belongs to you. You know that to be true, don’t you?”
Her eyes wet with tears and she scanned the palms of her hands. “But we can learn to love each other.”
“Is that what you really want? Someone you’ve learned to love and chosen by default? Or someone you know without a doubt that you love?”
“But Master K has said that he cannot offer himself as a Master to me…” she began.
He drew her closer and put a finger to her mouth to quiet her. “Kerian will never offer himself to you out of tradition and respect for his role as a trainer, but some traditions are meant to be broken, Ciara. Like this one. I can honestly tell you that if you offer yourself to him, he will not deny you.”
A shadow of alarm touched her face. “But what if he does?”
“He and Julia love you. This is where you’re meant to be. If you don’t ask, you’re denying yourself what rightfully belongs to you – their love and protection.”
“But what about you?” she asked sadly as she reached over and touched his mouth.
Again he felt the powerful physical pull to her. It would always be there. But his heart belonged to someone else and he didn’t want to be with Ciara by default either. He wanted someone he knew without a doubt that he loved and that person was not Ciara.
“You and I are in quite a predicament, Angel. We’ve both fallen for our trainers.”
She smiled understandingly and rested her head on his shoulder. “Then may I respectfully give you a piece of your own advice? Ask her to be yours, Sawyer, and take what is rightfully yours.”