Payne ignored the insult and chose to focus on Jones’s previous statement. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you just broke your code and referred to Jack as ‘dude’.”
Jones froze. “What? No, I didn’t!”
Cobb nodded. “Actually, you did. You called me ‘dude’.”
Jones cursed under his breath. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to use the d-word. I swear it won’t happen again.”
“No worries. I’ve been called worse.”
Payne laughed. “Actually, according to Martin Luther Jones over there, you haven’t. You’ve heard of the ‘bro code’, right? A list of rules that guys shouldn’t violate?”
“You mean, like, ‘bros before hoes’. That sort of thing?”
Payne nodded. “Well, DJ created an ‘Afro code’—a list of rules that he’s not allowed to violate for any reason.”
“Why?” Cobb asked.
“Because he hangs around so many white people he’s afraid he’s going to lose his blackness. And guess what?”
“What?”
“Rule number one involves the word ‘dude’.”
Jones nodded in shame. “It’s the whitest word in the history of the world. Unless we’re mocking a honky, there’s simply no reason a black man should use it.”
Payne shook his head in mock disgust. “You’re right. There isn’t.”
“That said, if I needed an excuse, it would definitely be you.”
“Me? What’d I do?”
“You failed to tell me about this back room, which forced me to mingle with surfers while being serenaded by Justin Bieber’s uncle. No wonder I slipped. Osmosis.”
Payne grinned. “Wasn’t that a Chris Rock movie?”
“What?”
“Osmosis Jones.”
Jones laughed. “As a matter of fact, it was.”
Cobb’s knowledge of pop culture was severely lacking, so he quickly changed the subject. “As much as I’d love to hear you guys crack jokes about movies I’ve never heard of, I was hoping we could get back to the original topic.”
Payne sat down. “Which was?”
“Work,” Cobb answered. “I was getting ready to ask DJ the same thing I asked of you: a glowing letter of recommendation. Of course, if you guys are feeling extra generous, perhaps you’d be willing to call your friends to see if they had any openings for someone with my skill set. Preferably something involving guns.”
“We’d be happy to,” Payne said, “under one condition.”
“Go on.”
“Just admit a Navy man and an Air Force grad saved your Army ass.”
Jones laughed. “And not necessarily in that order.”
Cobb shook his head. “Screw that. I hear Walmart is hiring.”
“I’d pay top dollar to see you work there.”
“Me, too,” Payne said before switching to his robot voice. “Hello. Welcome to Walmart. I can scan your coupons with my eyes.”
Jones joined in. “To pay, slide your card between my cheeks. Wow, that felt good. Please pay me again. Oh no, here comes your change.”
Cobb laughed at their antics. Though he was tempted to fight back, he knew if he argued with them, they would only gang up on him. So he did the next best thing. He defused the situation by making them feel guilty. “Fine. I admit it. My life is so fucked up right now I have no other option but to ask a Navy man and an Air Force grad for help. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m asking you guys for help despite your mockery.”
Jones grimaced. “Damn, dude, when you put it like that—”
Payne gasped. “DJ, you did it again.”
“Did what again?”
A moment passed before Jones realized his mistake.
He had repeated the d-word.
To vent his frustration, he buried his face in his hands and unleashed a stream of obscenities that would make Samuel L. Jackson blush. While the verbal barrage continued, the door to the back room swung open and two women walked in. One was a server, carrying nachos. The other was Nicki, who had changed into a T-shirt and shorts.
Both approached the table with trepidation.
Payne elbowed Jones in the ribs to warn him.
But Jones continued. Unaware of their presence, he screamed a few more vulgarities before he finally looked up. Much to his surprise, they were no longer alone.
The server practically threw the nachos on the table before hustling away.
Meanwhile, Nicki stared at Jones. “Did I come at a bad time?”
Despite his brown complexion, his cheeks turned a deep shade of red. Normally fast on his feet, Jones tried to come up with an explanation for his childish behavior, but all that came out of his mouth was a slight murmuring sound. Payne felt so bad for him that he immediately rushed to his aid.
“Sorry about that,” Payne said as he stood to introduce himself. “DJ just got some bad news from work, and we encouraged him to vent. Please don’t hold it against him.”
She looked at Jones, concerned. “Are you okay?”
Jones was still too embarrassed to speak, so he simply nodded.
Payne stuck out his hand. “Sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. My name is Jonathon Payne. And this is my good friend, Jackson Cobb.”
Cobb stood and offered his hand as well.
“Such gentlemen,” she said as she shook their hands. “I’m Nicole Bergen, but you can call me Nicki.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nicki. Please call me Jon.”
“And I’m Jack.”
“The pleasure’s all mine,” she assured them. “Well, not all mine. My friends are going to be thrilled. They definitely hit the mother lode with you two.”
Payne and Cobb exchanged glances. They were obviously confused.
And Nicki noticed.
“Awkward,” she said with a nervous laugh. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? I guess DJ got his bad news before he had a chance to tell you.”
Everyone glanced at Jones, who simply shrugged.
“In that case,” she said as she backed away, “why don’t you guys pretend you never saw me, and I’ll just sneak out of here before I make a bigger fool of myself.”
Payne hustled after her. “Nonsense! Please, sit and have a beer with us. It’ll be great. We can take turns making fun of DJ until he regains his ability to speak.”
“That does sound like fun.”
“Trust me, I’m his best friend. The less he says, the more you’ll like him.”
She glanced outside. “I wish I could, but we’re trying to get out of here before the storm. I just wanted to make sure we’re still on for dinner.”
Payne pieced things together in his head. “Oh! The Island Way Grill. Now I get it!”
“So, he did mention it.”
“In a DJ sort of way, yes. What time?”
“Let’s say seven.”
“Works for us. I’ll make the reservation. How many total?”
“Counting you guys? Um… thirteen.”
Payne glanced back at Jones, who shrugged again. Considering the number of women Jones had invited, Payne wasn’t sure if he should be impressed by his audacity or pissed for the potential size of the check. “The more, the merrier.”
“Great,” she said with a smile. “We’re looking forward to it.”
“Me, too,” Payne said. “Sure you can’t stay for a drink?”
“Sorry. My girls are waiting for me.”
Payne pointed at his friends. “So are mine.”
Chapter 9
They waited for Nicki to leave the room before a single word was said. The instant the door clicked shut, their emotions came pouring out.
Payne spoke first. “David Joseph Jones, I’ve been on countless missions with you around the globe and I’ve seen you risk your ass for me and our squad on a number of occasions, but I swear on Jack’s life, I have never been prouder of you.”