Quinn flipped me around so that I was straddling him, and his hardness was like a steel rod through his jeans. The heavy material separating us created a raw friction that was driving me out of my skull. I kept in mind that we were out in public and were only hidden by an oak tree. But as Quinn’s fingers skimmed beneath my shirt, I moaned into his mouth.
“Ella you are so fucking sexy,” he said. “I can’t wait to taste you again.”
I bent my forehead to his lips and said, “I believe it would be my turn.”
He braced my jaw to look directly into my eyes. “You don’t even know what you’re doing to me right now.” I brushed my fingers against his zipper and he hissed through his teeth.
I brought the second blanket up higher around our shoulders. “No one will see us.”
His hand clamped down on my fingers to stop me. “Not here.”
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” When in the hell had I ever uttered those words to a guy? We were out in the open, for the love of all things sacred. Who had stolen my brain and replaced it with the pages of an erotic romance novel? “We’ll concentrate on being quiet.”
He let out a low growl before devouring my mouth again. His tongue probed deep, telling me just how desperate he was for release, and I couldn’t wait to give it to him.
I unbuttoned his pants and lowered his boxer briefs until he poked out. Even in the shadow of the blanket, he still looked gorgeous. I ran my thumb along the moisture that had beaded along his tip and his breath hitched.
“Relax your legs a bit,” I whispered.
He leaned back, positioning his arms on the blanket behind him. With his hands out of the way, he was in easy reach. He felt warm and solid in my palm. I hadn’t been with that many guys, but I could tell that he was very long and thick and imagining him inside me made my underwear instantly damp.
“Christ, Ella.” He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing.
“Same deal you had with me,” I said. “I want your eyes on me while I touch you.”
I surprised myself with my boldness. Having the power to make Quinn putty in my hands was so completely heady.
I moved my fingers up and down in a steady and deliberate rhythm and his head sloped to the side. His eyes softened and his gaze never left mine. With my other hand, I reached below his shaft and grasped him there, teasing the area with my fingers. “Oh fuck, Ella. I’m close.”
I lowered my lips to his. “Kiss me. I want to feel you when you come.”
He sealed his lips over mine and with his tongue he mimicked the up-and-down motion of my fingers. He groaned his release into my mouth, his lips quivering with the effort.
It was the sexiest damn thing I had ever felt—let alone done with a guy.
As if I’d absorbed his passion and it’d ignited every nerve ending inside of me.
This was the type of physical connection I’d never had but always longed for with someone. It rooted something between us. Something that had embedded itself in my very center.
“Ella, Goddamn,” he panted out as he caught his breath. “That was amazing.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Quinn
Ella came to as many of my games as she could this past week when she wasn’t busy with classes or homework or her volunteer work at some psych center.
We’d fallen into a natural routine where I’d show up at her place and we’d play video games, laugh, and hold each other. Ella did most of the talking; the sound of her voice comforted me—or we didn’t do any talking at all.
We hadn’t had sex yet, but we’d come close. Lots of grinding, touching, and kissing.
I knew I couldn’t go there with her until I was sure. Sure that I could give her everything. Tell her everything.
Plus, the experience of being inside her might just do me in. Make it that much harder to leave if she decided she didn’t want me. Once I told her all of it. I was feeling things for Ella that I’d never felt for a girl before.
I’d slept in her bed a couple times and those mornings had become my favorite. She’d be wrapped in my arms and I’d watch her sleep, so warm and sexy and beautiful. Her breasts would be bare and the curve of her neck would call to me. I’d nestle my lips against her skin and she’d make that noise. The noise that drove me crazy.
We didn’t talk about what we were doing or what we’d become to each other, but I could tell the question was on the edge of her lips. Just dangling there. Waiting for me. She wanted to know. She deserved to know. And I was struggling to gain my footing, to hold on tight. Because she’d given me something I hadn’t had in a long time, maybe even ever.
She made me feel happy. Normal. Whole. Like everything was possible.
Maybe even love.
She had this way of putting things in perspective—life, relationships, dreams. Even when she didn’t realize she was touching on stuff that was significant to me. It was an intrinsic quality that she possessed, despite her psychology major. It made her special—that part of her that had a calming effect on me.
The other night I’d come so close to just spilling everything. But something still held me back. More than likely it was gut-wrenching panic. That she’d walk away. And then I’d have to find a new kind of normal again. And I really liked living in this normal, where I could get lost in her. Her smile, her scent, her skin.
A normal where I hadn’t killed my best friend because his girlfriend was coming on to me.
But Gabby from the hotline had helped me to see myself differently, even though I’d only talked to her a handful of times. Like maybe I was worthy. I had always lived in Bastian’s shadow and thought I was worth crap without him. But maybe Amber truly liked me for me and had been going about it the wrong way. She was human, too, after all. I needed to remember that.
Now I was perched at Ella’s door, a bag from the local deli tucked beneath my arm, a couple of sandwiches inside. Tomorrow, I was headed to a special dedication ceremony for Sebastian. His parents had donated a new scoreboard in his honor.
They’d requested I attend—my parents, of course, had insisted—and as the date loomed nearer, I’d become more of a wreck. About seeing all the people I’d wanted to avoid. Maybe forever.
I’d considered begging Ella to come with me, but then I’d have to tell her everything. And right now I was living day by day. Hour by hour.
When she swung open the door my heart strained against my rib cage. Stunning even in her cutoff jean shorts and plain white T-shirt. Her legs seemed to go on for miles and her boobs more than filled out the thin cotton material.
“Hey, baby. You look kissable,” I said, and her cheeks flushed the color of her lips. My fingers wound around her neck to draw her closer and my lips brushed against her soft mouth.
Kissing Ella was like coming home. There was no other way to describe it. It felt natural, thrilling, right. I just wasn’t sure if I was right for her.
Ella picked at her turkey-and-cheese sandwich and I helped clean up her leftovers. Without another word, we sank down on her couch and picked up the controllers—as if we were one seamless unit.
We’d spent the bulk of the other night building a mansion in Minecraft. We’d compromised on number of rooms, placement of bathrooms, down to our luxurious back deck that housed its very own hot tub. Yeah, my mind had quickly gone to the gutter on that one.
It was as if we had built our dream home together even though neither of us breathed a word about it. But there was a connection there. Like we were united, somehow considering our future, planning it together.