“Nice game, Son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
My mom leaned in and hugged me. She’d always touched me more when others were around. I’d desperately craved it from her as a kid. Thankfully, I’d been raised by nurturing nannies who gave a shit. And my mom’s sister, Aunt Gabby. She was the best.
She’d pick me up and take me places with her own kids. My cousins’ house was chaotic and loud and I loved every minute of it. It helped me blend in—even become invisible if I wanted—instead of standing out and acting appropriately as the politician’s son. Especially when I was dragged to political events night after friggin’ night.
Amber tried catching my eye but I refused to look at her. She attended a local community college and worked in her parents’ bakery. I didn’t know what I’d do if she attended the same university. It was hard enough avoiding her now.
The truth of the matter was: I was still angry with her about what went down. And frankly, I was afraid of what she wanted to say. That she’d blame me, like she did that night. I’d only ever read one of her e-mail rants before canceling my account. That had been enough for me.
“Thanks for coming,” I said to Bastian’s mom and dad. Damn, they were loyal to me and to this university. They still donated to the fraternity and Bastian’s dad still attended alumni events. I knew they came to my games to try to hold on to some piece of their son. I could see it in their eyes, feel it in their hugs.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Sebastian’s mom said, and it cut me up inside. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there and drink myself into oblivion or drive into a fucking ditch. But then who would they come see play? What would keep them going? “We’ll come whenever we can.”
After I showered and changed, I trudged to the team bus. Girlfriends and baseball groupies were lined up in their tight jeans and short skirts, waiting on different players. The guys looking to get laid that night would tell certain girls to head up to Zach’s Bar near the university or they’ d just meet them at their cars in the TSU parking lot.
“Great game, Quinn.” I nodded politely at one of the girls, who had long blond hair and pouty pink lips. It was tempting to get lost in one of them for an hour. But I knew that feeling quickly passed and then I’d be alone with my pathetic thoughts again.
After exiting the bus in the college lot, I hopped in my car and followed the guys to the bar for a quick drink. I sat at my usual stool near the door so I could make a quick escape when my teammates got too stupid and drunk. Joel was there, at a table near the window with Jimmy, but Ella was nowhere in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t feel like going home with blue balls again tonight.
I hadn’t taken a leak since the beginning of the game, so I walked down the grimy hallway to the only bathroom in the joint. I didn’t want to think about how many people had gotten it on in that bathroom. Once, I’d even let a girl go down on me in there and immediately regretted it afterward.
I waited impatiently against the wall, tapping my foot to the rock music blaring from the speakers, because the bathroom was occupied. The door swung open and I straightened as Ella emerged into the dimly lit space. I wasn’t expecting to see her and my breath caught at about the same time as hers. Heat lapped at my neck as my body instantly reacted to her.
“Hey, Quinn,” she panted out, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, which only made her chest stand out more. “Nice game.”
“Hey,” I said trying to keep my eyes leveled on her face. But they kept swimming down to her full breasts and round hips. God, she looked hot in that baseball shirt. Even better if it had quinn #3 emblazoned across the back. “Thanks.”
“I never thanked you for the other night,” she said, breaking eye contact with me. A faint shade of pink stretched across her cheeks. “I kind of fell asleep on you.”
“Not a problem, Ella.” I noticed how snugly her jeans fit her shape, how she’d folded up the ragged bottoms to reveal her tiny red Converse kicks. Damn, she was cute.
“I should probably be embarrassed,” she said.
My gaze traveled up her neck to her dark hair as I tried getting my thoughts in working order. “About what?”
She lifted her face and our gazes locked. Her blue eyes were mesmerizing.
“Seriously? I was hanging over the toilet. Wearing practically nothing.” Her eyes widened like she hadn’t meant to say that last bit and as soon as my gaze scanned down her legs, remembering how they had looked that night, her pale skin turned to gooseflesh.
I was surprised how affected she was by me, and I felt the urge to move closer so I could inhale her almond shampoo or lotion or whatever scent I’d smelled the other night. Warm and soothing and all kinds of sexy.
“Nothing at all to be embarrassed about.” I took a step forward and noticed how she held her breath and curled her hands into tighter balls. How she looked at my lips and then at my eyes.
Then I heard a familiar voice. One I hadn’t been expecting. “Quinn.”
I squinted down the hall and saw Amber standing there, shifting on the balls of her feet. What the hell? No way had she ever tried to show up any place I’d been other than my baseball games.
“Gotta go,” I said to Ella and stalked down the hall, swiping right by Amber.
“Wait.” Amber followed me through the bar and out the door to my car.
I kept my back to her and picked up my pace. “What in the hell do you want from me?”
“Please, talk to me,” she muttered. “Damn it, just give me one minute of your time!”
I turned to look at her, my fingers gripping my car keys. There was desperation in her voice. I’d heard that tone before. Whenever she and Sebastian had a fight. When she wanted to talk about what had transpired that night. When she called my cell incessantly the month after.
“Fine. Go for it,” I said, leaning against my car door. “Although I’m not really sure what there is to talk about.”
“I want to talk about what happened that night.” I felt my whole body tense. It was enough to lie awake at night thinking about it. But to discuss it openly with her again? Hadn’t we been through all of this already? I just wanted to shake her.
“What the hell about it? Just get it out already.” I tossed my hands in the air. “You obviously have something huge to say.”
She took a deep breath. “It wasn’t our fault, Quinn. You have to start believing that.”
“No, you’re right, it wasn’t our fault.” I used my fingers for emphasis. “Just my fault. Mine and mine alone.”
“Quinn, you’ve got to stop torturing yourself like this,” she practically shouted. I looked around the parking lot making sure we didn’t have an audience. “I’m sorry I blamed you. I was such an emotional wreck afterward—angry at the world.”
I wanted to say she was right to blame me. That I was paying for it every day. But I decided to let her talk—get it out—so I could leave already.
“I can’t help the feelings that I had for you. And I know you had them for me, too.” She looked me in the eye and I didn’t deny it. “I . . . I need someone to talk to about everything that happened. You’re the only one who understands.”
“We’ve already rehashed that night, Amber.” I folded my arms across my chest, maybe in an effort to protect my heart. “How many damn times can we do this? I need to move on.”
“But that’s just it. You’re not moving on. You’re . . . living his life. Not yours.” She looked over my shoulder to my car. “What about your love of cars, your plan to own a shop someday?”