She might very well push him away. It would be no more than he deserved, after all the shit he had pulled. Spying on her, seducing her, lying to her, manipulating her. And after all that, accusing her of betrayal. The thought made him cringe.
He had to risk it anyway. He would prostrate himself. Grovel and beg until she gave in from sheer exhaustion. She was too sweet and forgiving for her own good, just like Jesse. That might work in his favor, just this one last time, and then he would never take advantage of it ever again.
Nor would he let anyone else do so. He would be her dragon and her white knight, rolled into one. He would spend the rest of his life protecting her, cherishing her. Treating her like the red-hot, gorgeous, adorable love goddess that she was.
Raine was a thousand times too good for him, but what the fuck. He might get lucky. He moved faster and faster through the forest. By the time he burst through the trees into the meadow, he was running like a racehorse.
“The nerve of the man, to make you change your name back to Lazar. Insufferable, arrogant bastard. Condition of your inheritance, indeed. Pah. Pure, vintage Victor. Ever the manipulator.”
“I don't really mind,” Raine said patiently. “The name seems more mine than Hugh's name ever was.”
Alix spun around from the closet she was rifling through, and frowned at her daughter. “You've changed, Lorraine. I don't know where this uppity, know-it-all attitude of yours comes from, but I for one do not like the change one bit.”
Raine tugged her comb carefully through the tangled lock of hair. “I'm sorry it bothers you. I'm afraid it's here to stay.”
“See? There you go again. Another sassy, uppity remark. I swear, I'm losing my patience.” Alix shook her perfectly coiffed blond head and dove back into the closet, pulling out another garment with a gasp. “Oh, my God. Look at the cut of this gorgeous thing. Dior, of course. A fortune's worth of clothes that murdering bastard bought, and they're wasted on you. Just wasted. Pity they're so small.” Alix shot herself an admiring glance in the full length mirror, smoothing her hands over her trim figure. “Two sizes up, and they would be perfect for me.”
“Terrible shame” Raine murmured, with a completely straight face. She fished out another tangle to work on. She had been wearing her hair down since she'd come back from the hospital. It hurt too much to raise her elbows high enough to braid or coil it, but when she left it down, the wind whipped the curls into a hopeless tangle.
Alix slanted her a suspicious look. “Don't you get smart with me.”
Raine smiled at her. “I'm not, Mother.”
For the first time ever, Alix did not protest the title. Her mouth tightened, and she threw the plastic-wrapped jacket she had been admiring onto the bed. “None of this is my fault, you know.”
“I know that,” Raine soothed.
“No, you don't. I know what you think of me. I know what Victor probably told you. I can't change the past. I made mistakes, as we all do. Maybe I was cold and selfish. Maybe I was a terrible mother, but I did try to do the right thing, Lorraine. I didn't want you to get hurt.”
“I got hurt anyway” Raine said. “But I appreciate the effort.”
“Well. That’s something, I guess.” Alix sat down on the bed, kicked off her shoes and scooted behind Raine. “Give me that comb “
Raine hesitated before she handed it over. Hair-combing had never been Alix's forte, and Raine had learned early to brush and braid her own hair. But Alix's hands were gentle, starting from the bottom and working carefully up. “Tell me what happened,” Raine asked her.
The comb stopped. “You know most of it by now, I'm sure.”
“Not from your point of view” Raine said.
Alix resumed combing. “Well. Victor was making money hand over fist the summer of '85 “ she began slowly. “I didn't know how, and I didn't want to know, but we were living in very high style, and I liked it.”
She paused, working on a stubborn tangle. When the comb eased through it, she began again. “Peter got very depressed that summer. He said it was all blood money. That the three of us should run away and grow carrots and onions in a hut somewhere. Melodramatic nonsense. I tried to convince him to let Victor deal with the rough side of things. But once Peter got an idea in his mind... well, he was like you, that way. Then he told me he was going to put a stop to it, once and for all. Ed Riggs had promised him immunity if he testified against Victor.”
“And you tried to stop him?”
“I got an idea,” Alix said, her voice uncertain. “I knew that Ed was attracted to me, so I decided to ... take advantage of that tact.”
“You told Victor what Peter was up to. And you seduced Ed.”
“Don't judge me.” Alix's voice shook. “I thought Victor would bring Peter to his senses. He'd always been able to manipulate him before. I never dreamed that anyone would get hurt. I just wanted for things to stay the way they were.”
“I understand that,” Raine said. “Please go on”
The strokes of the comb became smoother as the tangles gave way. “You know the rest,” Alix said. “I had no idea what Ed was capable of. He became obsessed. He wanted to leave his wife and kids, and run away with me. And then—”
The comb dropped. Raine waited. “Yes?” she prompted gently.
“Then there was that day I came out of the house and saw him chasing you. I knew, somehow. What must have happened. What you must have seen. I saw his face. He was crazy. He could have killed you.”
“Yes, I remember” Raine whispered. “I think he almost did”
“I don't even remember what I said to him. I played dumb, of course. I've always been good at that. I made it seem that you were hysterical and overimaginative. That neither one of us was the least threat to him.” Alix sniffed. “The only thing I could think of to do was to get you as far away from the whole mess as possible.”
“And to make me forget?”
Alix garnered Raine's hair into her hand and combed it from below. “And make you forget.” she confirmed She scrambled around on the bed until she was looking into Raine's eyes. “I never thought that Victor would hurt Peter. Believe me, honey. Victor treated Peter more like a spoiled son than a brother. He loved him.”
“So much so that he seduced his brother's wife?”
Alix recoiled. “Raine!”
“It's true, isn't it?”
“It's hardly relevant” Alix snapped. “Or appropriate!”
“Bear with me, Mother” Raine said stubbornly. “Who was my real father? Victor, or Peter?”
“Does it matter now?”
Raine gave her a steely glare. “Indulge me.”
Alix sighed and looked down at the comb in her hand. For a moment, she suddenly looked her age. “I don't know,” she said wearily. “Go to a genetics lab if you're so curious. It was a very wild time in my life. There are big chunks of it that I don't remember at all.”
Raine listened with all the senses that had been honed and heightened in the past weeks. She recognized the ring of sincerity in her mother's voice. That alone was a miracle, and something to be thankful for. She scooted closer, trying not to jolt her sore ribs. She took a deep breath, and a big risk. She laid her head on Alix's shoulder.
Alix froze for a moment, and then reached up and stroked Raine's hair with a tentative hand. “It doesn't matter anymore, which of them it was.” She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself.
“No, not to me,” Raine agreed. “I've lost two fathers now.”
Alix petted her again, her hand stiff and awkward. “Well, you still have a mother,” she said crisply. “Such as she is.”
An embarrassed cough sounded from the doorway of the room. The little moment of grace was over.