The nurse doesn’t offer to help my mother turn me over or wash me. She performs her duties perfunctorily then leaves, slamming the door shut behind her. As she walks down the stairs, I hear her mutter, ‘A perfectly good flat, and she’s turned it into a rubbish tip!’
Since Master Yao got arrested, my mother often screams in her sleep. If she hears someone walking up the stairs, she grabs her keys and checks that all the bolts are double-locked.
Three hundred li further south is Mount Luminous. There are crystals and snakes on its slopes. A wild beast that looks like a fox lives on the mountain. It cries out its own name. Whenever it appears, a panic will engulf the land.
Wang Fei was sitting inside the tent, his arms wrapped tightly around Bai Ling. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said to her. ‘You have your ideals to hang onto.’ His eyes were red. Now that she was hidden from the crowd, Bai Ling looked like a frightened rabbit. Between sobs, she gulped a breath of air and said, ‘I’m not afraid. Just full of despair. I can’t breathe.’
Lin Lu grabbed Old Fu’s hand and said, ‘If they arrest us, we mustn’t capitulate. One day, victory will be ours.’
Hou Dejian was sitting outside. A few journalists shone their torches on his face, and asked him to comment on the situation. Instead of replying, he picked up his guitar and sang: ‘All freedom-loving people, throw your shoulders back and stand up straight…’ The song only intensified the feeling of impending doom. Down by the broadcast station below, Ke Xi shouted through his megaphone, ‘I will die in this Square if I have to, but I will never desert it…’
‘That’s the first time I’ve heard Ke Xi argue to stay in the Square,’ Yu Jin said, walking into the tent. Seeing that Wang Fei had his arms around Bai Ling, he turned instead to me and said, ‘The army has encircled us. We must come to a decision.’
Zhuzi returned from Beijing University with fifty new marshals dressed in white T-shirts. Lin Lu told them to stand around the base of the Monument. He said that he would take charge of the east side of the Monument, Zhuzi would look after the west, I would be stationed at the north and Zhang Jie at the south. ‘The strongest guys must stand on the outside and stay there, even if they’re shot at or injured.’ He took a drag from his cigarette. The glowing tip made his face shine red. Bai Ling had just criticised him for having sent hundreds of marshals to the barricades, leaving us vulnerable at this critical moment.
‘We are standing on the front line now, and we’re not afraid to die!’ Wang Fei shouted into the air.
‘Mou Sen is over by the Goddess of Democracy with Nuwa, Zhang Jie and Xiao Li,’ Qiu Fa said walking over to me, his curly hair falling over his face. ‘He refuses to abandon it. I begged him to come to the Monument, but he says he’s only two hundred metres away, and can still see us from over there.’
Zhuzi and I went to the balustrades and surveyed the scene. In the west, a small group had set light to some canvas sheets, quilts and wooden sticks. We could hear the rumble of army tanks now, as well as gunfire. We knew that, very soon, troops would appear on all four sides of the Square.
I hurried to the north side of the Monument. I didn’t have a megaphone, so I shouted at the top of my voice for the boys to move to the outer edge of the crowd. Within ten minutes, most of them did as they were asked and linked hands, forming a protective cordon around the girls, apart from a few boys who remained seated on the steps with their arms around their girlfriends. Someone began singing along to the Internationale that was playing over the loudspeakers, then everyone joined in, crying out in unison: ‘The hot blood that fills our chests is seething. We will struggle for the truth…’
‘We will defend Tiananmen Square to the death! We will defend the People’s Republic of China!’ Mimi shouted into the microphone.
‘They can cut off our heads and let us bleed to death, but we will never let them take the People’s Square!’ Chen Di cried theatrically.
I asked a couple of the guys in red armbands to take over from me, then I wove a path through the crowd of seated students and returned to the hunger strike tent.
‘Everyone must cover their mouths with a face mask or wet towel,’ Bai Ling said into the microphone, making final preparations for the battle ahead. There was black ink on her shirt. In the darkness it looked like blood.
Old Fu was guarding the microphone. When Bai Ling had finished speaking, he saw that Chen Di hadn’t got the next tape ready yet, so he added a few comments of his own. ‘When the army arrives, we will show patience, firmness and self-control. We will stay here, hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder. Let the army come and crush us, if they want. We will not move.’
Ke Xi was standing between two Hong Kong students who’d asked to have a photograph taken with him. After the flash went off, he shouted, ‘When I’m dead, you must carry my coffin through the streets, then bring it here so that I can have one last look at the Square!’ Then he walked over to Bai Ling and said, ‘I want to take over as commander-in-chief for the rest of the night.’
Bai Ling cast him a disdainful look. ‘The enemy is already at our gates. What would you do as commander-in-chief?’
‘I know what needs to be done,’ Ke Xi said.
‘I will only hand over control to you if you have a workable plan,’ Bai Ling said, looking away.
‘Don’t be so arrogant. Remember: you started out as my secretary!’ As soon as Ke Xi said this, Wang Fei jumped up and grabbed him by the collar. He was about to punch him in the face, but Ke Xi’s bodyguards pushed him away just in time. Yu Jin grabbed a wooden stick and ran over, waving it at Ke Xi’s head. Zhuzi came in and said angrily, ‘The students manning the barricades are sacrificing their lives for us. If you don’t stop these stupid power struggles, I’ll beat you up.’
Chen Di led an injured student to the table and pressed the microphone to his lips. ‘My classmate Zhang Han has been shot dead!’ the student sobbed. ‘I’ve got his blood all over my body. It’s fresh blood. All over me…’ Zhang Han was another of the student marshals who’d been issued with walkie-talkies.
I told Zhuzi to tell anyone who had a walkie-talkie to discard it immediately.
Ke Xi snatched the microphone from the student’s hands and said, ‘We will defend Tiananmen Square to the death! We will stay on the Monument to the People’s Heroes until the bitter end…’ He worked himself up into such a frenzy that he fainted into the arms of his bodyguard.
Chen Di took the microphone. ‘We need an ambulance and an oxygen canister. Ke Xi has fainted again.’
‘Fellow students, you must stay awake and make sure you all have wet towels to hand,’ Old Fu announced. ‘Don’t leave the Monument. Everyone must stay in the centre of the Square.’ His calm, mature voice eased the mood.
‘We must concentrate our forces in the north side of the Square,’ I said to Lin Lu, taking more red armbands from his bag. ‘That’s where the troops from the east and west will converge. Go and position some more guys over there.’
‘Let’s do a last circuit of the Square, Dai Wei, and make sure everyone is gathered round the Monument,’ Old Fu said.
‘Has anyone got a bicycle I can use?’ I shouted, but no one could hear me. I wanted to go to the Goddess of Democracy and persuade Mou Sen and Nuwa to come back to the Monument, then I wanted to find Tian Yi a hiding place in the Museum of Chinese History. It was an important national monument. I was sure the army wouldn’t dare fire bullets at it.