The fabric on his clothes rubbed against my bare skin, sending tingles of excitement through my veins. I knew what was under those clothes and I wanted them…badly.
His lips still continued to move across mine as he lowered down to his elbows and started to caress my face with his thumbs. Slowly, he pulled away and looked into my fucking soul.
“I can’t have anything happening to you, little one.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me, I promise.”
“You don’t belong in that world, with those people.”
Ouch, that stung a little. I tried to chalk it up to the fact that he meant they were manipulative asshats but there was a little voice in the back of my mind that kept repeating Jett’s words over and over in my head, I had no class. I tried to convince myself that his conversation with me was true, that he wanted to protect me and it wasn’t him trying to come up with a different reason as to why he didn’t want me at his parties.
Instead of responding, I just nodded, even though my heart was feeling a little salty. My body was begging for Jett’s touch so I pushed back the pain in my heart and got lost in the feel of Jett’s breath against my neck and the way his strong body did make me feel protected.
“Come with me,” Jett said as he started to get up.
The abrupt change in his demeanor startled me. He went from kind and caring, wanting to make sure that I was going to be okay to dominating Jett, the Jett who wanted to fuck me every which way till Monday and at that moment, for the first time since I’ve been at the Lafayette Club, I didn’t want to go to the Bourbon Room. I didn’t want to play, I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel the man that just left the conversation, I wanted to feel the protective and sensitive Jett, not the playtime Jett.
He tried to pull me off the bed but I just sat up and hugged my knees. The look of concern that flashed across his face was endearing. Once again, the split personalities of the man looking down at me could be so confusing.
“Is everything okay?”
“I don’t want to go up there tonight.”
His jaw twitched as he thought about what I said. I could see him waiver between his dominant self, his natural sexual being and trying to be a nice guy. I knew how the game was played, when I submitted I didn’t really get an option of anything unless I gave him the safe word but I wasn’t ready to cry alligator yet, I wanted to see if he would adjust to my needs.
“This is not up for negotiation, Lo,” he responded, using my Jett Girl name. He was going with the dominant man which was disappointing especiallyafter everything that we discussed tonight; I wasn’t giving in, not tonight.
I sat up, put on my big girl pants and said, “Alligator.”
The room fell silent as utter defeat crossed his features. He turned his back away from me and ran his hands through his hair. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach as I contemplated what I just did, what I just said to him. The tension in the room grew thick as I tried to think of what to say, what to do, how to ease the tension I just so easily put between us by using just one little word.
I didn’t want to disappoint Jett at all, but I also wasn’t feeling like playing around. I needed human comfort, I needed to know that even though I wasn’t the most dignified lady on the block that I was still his first choice, that I was good enough for him.
He turned toward the bathroom and held on to the doorframe as his head hung low. What the fuck did I do? Did I insult him?
I grabbed the robe that was at the end of my bed, wrapped it around my shoulders and cinched the belt at my waist. I tiptoed across the plush carpet and stood behind Jett. My hand reached out to him but then I pulled back because I had no clue what to do or say. With one simple word did I just ruin everything I built up between myself and this delicious man?
With courage, I lifted my hand back up and gently touched his back. He stiffened under my touch and then turned around. When he looked down at me, the moon shined on his face so I was able to see that for once, he showed an emotion and it was an emotion I didn’t want to see because the pained look on his face just absolutely devastated me.
He pulled my hand to make me come closer and he wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his strong body against mine. He lifted one hand to my face and cupped it as he said, “Please, little one, please tell me what I did wrong.”
So he wasn’t angry with me…he was sorry, concerned. Would I ever be able to read him properly?
I thought about my needs but how did I explain to a man who was practically emotionally unavailable that I needed to be held, to be touched in a way that only a lover could, that I wanted him but I didn’t want the Bourbon Room, the one thing that was non-negotiable. It’s not like I didn’t always want the Bourbon Room, I just needed Jett, the man Jett, not the dominant Jett.
Taking a deep breath, I responded. “It’s nothing you did, it’s just something I need.”
“What do you need?” he asked as he searched my eyes.
“I need you, Jett.”
Slight confusion crossed his face as he thought about what I said. The minute his body language stiffened, I knew he understood what I meant and my heart started tumbling down.
He stepped away from me and said, “You know I can’t give you that, Lo.”
I hated it when he called me Lo, it seemed so formal. I liked it at first but now I hated it because I knew that when we were intimate, when he was pleased with me he called me Goldie or little one but Lo, that was reserved for everyone in the Lafayette Club, it was reserved for when Jett closed me off and it irritated me.
Growing frustrated from my need, from my feelings, I took off my robe, tossed it to the side and got into my bed. I turned on my side like a very mature person—not—and pulled the covers over my body.
Over my shoulder, I called out, “Make sure to shut the door on your way out.”
“Lo—”
“Don’t,” I said as I tried to hold back all the emotions that were bubbling over. I wasn’t good at handling my emotions and right now it was showing. “I get it, all right? I know you don’t do attachments but sometimes a girl just needs to be held, not brought up to the Bourbon Room where she will be twisted, tied up, spread out and fucked raw.”
There was no response. I was almost positive he left until I heard the clunk of shoes on the floor and a wave of cold air hit my skin as the blanket was lifted.
Jett’s hard body pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around my naked torso. Was this really happening? Was I really being held by him? Was he really nestling his head into my hair?
“I don’t…do this,” he whispered into my ear, sending chills all over my damn body. All the tension and frustration that was taking over my body seconds ago evaporated the minute Jett slid in behind me and held on tight. A small smile spread across my face and I could feel my body melt into his.
“Well you’re fucking fantastic at it because I’m pretty sure my little clitty poo is drowning.”
“Don’t fucking call it that,” he breathed into my ear. I was pretty sure I heard him laugh but I could be mistaken.
His hand inched up between my breasts, not in a sexual way but more in a comforting gesture. He pulled me in tighter and spoke directly in my ear.
“Remember when you came up to the Bourbon Room for the first time?”
“Yes.” I wished Miss Mary could have heard me answer properly; one day of training was wearing off on me already.
“Remember how I told you I would never do anything you didn’t want?” I just nodded, now feeling out of breath from the way his voice caressed my skin. “Well, it’s true. I never want to do anything to displease you, to make you uncomfortable or to make you say your safe word. I’m sorry that I can’t be that man that you need. I’ve been…” He paused and my heart ripped out for him. “God, Goldie, you make me say things I would never dream of saying to another person but the moment you said your safe word, I thought my chest was going to explode. I hate that I did that to you. I’m sorry.”