Of course I had fucking feelings for her. That was what was terrifying me. I didn’t know how to deal with the feelings that were rolling through me. I was a temperamental prick with the ability to snap at anyone who looked at Goldie. I never was like that, even with Natasha, but there was something about Goldie that had set me off. I meant it when I said I think my mom brought us together but dealing with that revelation was a son of a bitch for me.
“Admit it,” Kace prodded.
“I really hate you right now,” I said in defeat as I sat down in a chair.
Kace threw his head back and laughed. “Dude, you love me and you know it. It’s time to move on, man.”
“It’s dangerous. There are so many repercussions that could happen if I bring her into my life, if I let her in and not just with my fucking black heart but with the people I deal with. They all want a part of me and they will do anything to get it. I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to her.”
“That’s a cop-out. You know just as well as I do that you have the best security team in the damn state and you have me, nothing will happen to her. We won’t allow it, especially you.”
I nodded my head as I pinched the bridge of my nose, deciding what I was going to do.
“Fuck,” I huffed. “I’m a sensitive little bitch.” I laughed to myself as Kace laughed out loud. “Fuck!” I shouted again, not being so eloquent.
“I take it you’re giving in?”
“I don’t fucking want to.”
“But you have no choice.”
“I know.” I looked over at him and the asshat was smirking. I really did hate him. “What if I screw it up, what if I end up hurting her?”
“You’re hurting her more by playing fucking mind games with her. It’s either going to work or it’s not. Might as well give it a chance because I’m sick of dealing with your moody ass and her crocodile tears.”
My head snapped up from the mention of tears. “She cried?”
“Dude, seriously? You fucking left her a shady-ass note and haven’t been back all week. She thinks you’re never coming back, that she did something wrong by asking you to hold her. What kind of dick move is that?”
“The biggest dick move ever,” I confessed. “Like I said, I’m a sensitive little bitch.”
“Well, time to shave your fucking balls, bud, because it’s time to put them on display.”
I nodded my head as I thought about how the hell I was going to talk to Goldie, how I was going to let her into my life without getting burned.
Chapter Eleven
“All In”
Lo
“Can you girls just leave me alone? He’s not coming so there is no use getting ready.”
Babs and Tootse hovered over me, trying to do my hair and makeup for the event I was supposed to go to tonight but I wasn’t in the mood and I wasn’t going anyway. I hadn’t heard from Jett since the morning he left me a note and as far as I knew, he hadn’t returned.
I tried to ignore the fact that once again, I was breaking in half, that he was pushing me away, that even though he tried to change the dynamic between us, he still fell back to his old ways of running away.
I didn’t think about the way that he made me feel when he was around or the way he talked to me in his sultry southern voice or the way his strong hands caressed my body.
I wouldn’t let myself acknowledge the fact that I felt like we were two torn souls brought together to heal each other and there was no way that I was going to allow myself to fall for the man, no way in fucking hell even though the pull between us was so strong that I was drowning in him.
Too bad I was only putting on a front because I did all of those things, every minute of the day he was on my mind. I hated it, I hated that I’ve become so dependent on the man, that the happiness of my day revolved around him.
“You never know, Lo, he might show up,” Tootse said as she wrapped my hair up into a ballerina bun on the top of my head.
“You know I love you, Tootse, but you can seriously be delusional sometimes.” Babs came at me with some mascara but I swatted her hand away. “Please, just leave me alone.”
“No, you’re done sulking. If you’re not going out with Jett tonight then you’re going to go out with us. We’re all going to a bar a couple of blocks away. We have the night off and we’re going to take advantage of it.”
“I don’t feel like going out.” I pouted as Babs attacked my lashes. She didn’t apply much makeup, kept me real natural which was nice because almost every night of my life since I could remember I was always layering on the makeup. It was nice to feel fresh for once.
“Lo, I hate seeing you like this,” Tootse said as she sat down next to me on the bed, my hair pinned and ready to go. “I know it hurts but it’s who he is.”
“I know,” I said defeated as Babs finished up. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me and I keep telling myself that but when I’m with him, I feel different. I feel like our souls were made for each other, you know? Like we were brought together for a reason.”
Babs and Tootse exchanged glances that told me I was the delusional one and I might just be. I knew Jett’s rules going in, to signing a contract with the Lafayette Club but after he offered me a set I just thought things were going to be different, that maybe he would cross that line, go the extra step and fully connect with me, not just physically.
Even though I had the inkling that Jett wasn’t going to show up for tonight, I still went to see Miss Mary and learned everything I possibly could from her in the last couple of days. I wanted to make sure that I was trained, that I was ready and on point if I was called up to bat, if Jett wasn’t ashamed to be with me.
That’s what it seemed like, like he was so ashamed of having me on his arm that he only knew to run away so he didn’t have to deal with breaking my heart. He liked me when my legs were spread, behind the doors of the Bourbon Room but that was it. I wasn’t stupid, I knew what I was getting myself into, I just wish he didn’t lead me on.
Was he leading me on? Maybe I was looking too much into everything? Maybe he really just considered me to be another Jett Girl and was getting his fill. That didn’t explain why he wasn’t with the other girls though, or why he was so protective, why he didn’t want my persona to be revealed.
Fuck, the man was infuriating. One minute I’m flying on cloud nine with my pussy flapping in the breeze waving at all the unicorns and kitties in my dream land and then the next moment, I’m lying low in a gutter full of dragon shit wondering where I went wrong. I liked roller coasters but this was one ride that I was starting to get sick of.
“Are you going to put your dress on?” Tootse asked as we all looked at the hanger that was attached to the top of my bathroom door.
The dress was a pewter gray color made of brocade fabric that was draped to be skin tight on the body and drape loosely past the hips. The top was a classy V-neck but gave a little bit of a show and there was a slit on the side that reached the bottom of my thigh. It looked dynamite on me but I wasn’t about to put it on, not when I wasn’t going anywhere.
“No, I don’t even know why I let you put on this stupid makeup in the first place.” I went to rub it off but Babs grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes.
She was about to say something to me when someone interrupted her.
“I can take it from here, girls,” came the southern voice that haunted my dreams.
In tandem, we all turned our heads and saw Jett standing in the doorway, wearing a black tuxedo, black shirt and black bow tie. My heart beat rapidly in my chest from just the sight of him but with the way he was standing with pure confidence and smoldering eyes, I was about ready to pass out.
He had a little box tucked in his hand as he walked forward with enough swagger to make a woman weak in the damn knees.