Courtney and I began tallying up everything, and it was clear that, as she became sick, Mom had stopped keeping it together. All that ammonia in her blood, I guessed. Some bills hadn’t been paid in three months. Ryan ran into the room, interrupting us.
“Hey, there’s a taxi outside,” Ryan said, running into the room. “And some old lady is getting out.” Just then, the screen door opened.
“Sorry I’m late, Lisbeth. I hadn’t realized it would be such an ordeal to check myself out of the old-biddy home,” Nan said as she entered, dropping her overnight bag on a chair.
She was as bright and vibrant as I’d ever seen her. “Betty nearly had a heart attack. I thought they’d have to finally institutionalize her.”
Courtney regarded Nan with bewilderment.
“Hello, Courtney,” Nan said and threw open her arms.
“Hi, Nan,” Courtney said sheepishly. She seemed like she might cry, but instead went running to get one of those special heart-melding Nan hugs.
“Ry, say hi to Nan,” I said. He had already retreated to the living room, where he was thumbing the controller of his game.
“Just a minute, I’m in the middle of a raid,” he said.
“Excuse me, young man?” Nan walked over to the television set.
“Oh hi,” Ryan finally said and went back to his game. Nan walked around to the other side of the television set.
“Hmm. Let’s see how this works.” She ducked down and ripped the television cord out of the wall.
“Hey, that’s my game!” Ry was in shock.
“Well perhaps you can play some more after we get this house in shape. Let’s start with your mother’s room so I have a place to sleep tonight.” Nan grabbed Ryan by the wrist with her iron grip and led him to the stairway. Courtney’s eyes widened and turned to me, stunned. I shrugged.
“Hey, Nan,” she said, “can I give you a hand?”
“Why certainly, dear.” Nan gave me a wink as they all started up the stairs. I began to follow, but she stopped me.
“You go along to the hospital, dear,” she said. “I know you have some important things to attend to.”
48
The hospital was quiet that evening when I arrived. They had moved Mom to a different unit, so it took a little while to find her. But even the volunteer at the information desk seemed to know that I was Ella Wachowicz’s daughter, so they took me back as soon as they could.
As I passed the nurse’s station, all the nurses and the orderlies and doctors were watching me. A few nodded hello.
When I reached Mom’s room, Nurse Brynner was coming out the door.
“Your mom is going to be so happy to see you,” she said in her gravelly voice.
“How is she?” I asked.
“I have to let Doctor Newton give you the update,” she said. “But he’s off duty at the moment.”
“I meant, how is she doing? You know…”
“I know. I’ve quit now, too,” she said. She held her hand up to show me. It was trembling. “Maybe it’s just all the coffee I’m drinking so I don’t feel it. But I promised her she wouldn’t have to do this alone. It’s not as bad for me; I’ve still got a husband at home.”
God, I was determined not to cry.
“That’s okay, dear. You go and make your mother happy,” she said, managing a grin. “I’ll be back in a little while to give her a sedative.” As she left, I took a deep breath and walked in. Mom was sitting up; all the catheters and monitors had been removed and she was reading the newspaper.
“Hi, Mom,” I said. She gave me a glare as if she had never seen me before. I knew that look. It wasn’t good. I sat down quietly and waited. She didn’t say anything for the first few moments. Already her face seemed less bloated and the splotchy redness was gone, but she appeared gray and weary.
“So what’s the story with college?”
I closed my eyes, summoning my courage. “I’m not going,” I said.
She put down her paper and glared at me like she wanted to leap out of bed and strangle me. I could tell she was trying to keep from getting angry. Her whole body was tense.
“It’s the plan,” she said.
“I know, Mom, I…”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to me,” she said, not letting me get a word in. “They’re keeping me here, and I don’t even know if anyone will let me work again.” Her eyes glistened, like there might be tears. But she was too tough to let it show. I could see that she couldn’t stand being weepy. She turned away to quietly wipe her eyes. For the first time, she seemed vulnerable.
“Have they said that to you?”
“Are you kidding? Now that they know, they’ll never hire me back. Why? Are you suddenly an expert?” she demanded.
“Mom, they have to let you work. As long as you go into a program like AA and you get better, they can’t fire you.” I wanted to hold her hand or hug her. I started to move closer but wasn’t sure she’d let me.
“Where did you get that?” Her belligerence resurfaced.
I sat back.
“I was talking to Nan. She’s at the house,” I said, knowing the impact.
“What?!”
“Yep, a regular staff sergeant, she’s whipping the house in shape for when you get home and getting Ryan to finish summer school. Courtney’s helping.”
That made Mom go silent. We sat there for what seemed like ages.
Mom kept shaking her head in small little nods, staring off into space. She was so tired that her eyes closed a couple of times. Everything seemed to weigh on her, and I realized I had no idea what was going through her mind.
“Yeah, Nan tried to call a couple of times,” she added finally.
“Did you talk to her?”
“No,” she answered, as if my question was absurd.
“Well, it’s time you guys start talking again because I can’t be there.” I waited for that to sink in. “You need her help.”
“And where are you going to be?” Mom asked, but I didn’t have a chance to answer because Nurse Brynner came in.
“Ella, isn’t it great to have your lovely daughter visit?” she said as she adjusted her pillows and settled her bed. Mom sat silent as a stone. “Don’t mind your mother’s grumpy face,” Nurse Brynner added. “It’s just stuck that way. She’s really happy you’re here.”
I could imagine these two tough old battle-axes sitting around shooting the shit about everyone.
Mom was silent as her friend handed her a cup of water and some pills, which I assumed were sedatives. I slid over to the side table, where Mom couldn’t see me, and slipped out my envelope of poker winnings. I peeled off twenty one-hundred-dollar bills and put them in her pocketbook, hoping that in some small way it would make up for whatever money she had wasted on my college tuition.
As I got ready to leave, Mom was falling asleep.
“We’re not done talking about this, Lisbeth,” she said, struggling to keep her eyes open.
“I know, Mom. You rest. I’ll be back soon.”
49
Fried pickles, bacon grease, and cheese. Those were the first smells that hit me as I walked in the door at the Hole. Everyone was so busy that no one noticed me. It was like one of those scenes from the movies where you attend your own funeral. It was easy to see that the Finer Diner was moving along perfectly well without me, almost as if I had been erased and was never there.
“Two cows with bacon and cheddar, table eleven,” I heard Buela say from the kitchen and ring that annoying little bell. Cheddar? That was new to the menu. I saw Jake pick up the order, and I felt my heart sink, wondering if he’d even talk to me this time.
He was wearing one of his skinny Ts and loose-fitting jeans with no belt and the little white apron the guys got to wear instead of the pink one. I hated to admit it, because it’s just so weird, but something about a guy in an apron turned me on.
Crystal was all hot in her tied-up work shirt, shredded Daisy Dukes, pink apron, and heels. Who could possibly wear heels while working in a diner? Me, I’d face plant into a plate of corned-beef hash in no time. But Crystal handled it with ease. It hurt to watch as she came by and leaned on Jake’s shoulder in that familiar way I used to.