I lay on the bed—our bed—and stared at the ceiling, remembering the way she had looked at me on my birthday and the first time we’d had sex, her eyes all soft and warm.
Then I stole a picture of us smiling for the camera that she had printed and tucked into the mirror on the door and I left.
Four days. Four whole days went by and I didn’t hear a single word from her.
I didn’t text or call her either, but I was just doing what she asked me to do. Giving her space.
Space sucked.
It sucked hard.
I was going crazy, the days endless, the nights worse. I slept on my cousins’ couch, or pretended to sleep. Mostly I lay there, thoughts turning in a whirlpool in my mind, wondering what I was supposed to do. Wondering whose idea of a joke this bullshit was. Hadn’t I been handed enough crap in life? Now I had to love someone only to have her fade out of my life?
No. It was just bull-fucking-shit.
“You could call her,” Tyler said to me Thursday night as I sat watching TV with Jayden, and he saw me check my phone for the seven hundredth time.
“Mind your own business.”
Tyler made a face at me. “Fine. Be miserable.”
Rory and Jessica were in the kitchen, and I had purposely avoiding asking them about Robin. I didn’t even know if either of them had talked to her. It felt too much like begging to ask them about her.
“I will, thanks.” I was. I was dying to know how Robin was. If she had told her parents the truth. If she was physically feeling better. If she were missing classes. If she hated my face.
My hands were swollen and bruised, scabbing over, from all the boxing I had been doing in the basement. I had been tempted to go over Nathan’s car a second time, but I had resisted. He had shown up to get it on Monday but he hadn’t come into the house and he hadn’t said anything about the condition to Tyler. I figured he was waiting for the right time to get even with me. Whatever. He was an idiot if he didn’t realize I would enjoy it. I didn’t even feel bad that I had put Tyler in an awkward position. His friend was an asshole, end of story.
“She’s coming back tomorrow. Rory told me.”
Then I should probably stop sneaking over to her apartment and stealing random shit and lying on her bed. It was weird, and I knew it was weird, but it made me feel close to her. In one moment of weakness I had even left a card for her on her dresser, and now it was too late to get it back. I mean, seriously, a greeting card? I had never bought one in my entire life and, first of all, was shocked to see they cost like three bucks, but secondly, it was absolutely cheesedick of me. Lame.
It was also too late to give back the painting I’d lifted, the one of the lighthouse, its spotlight cutting across a choppy sea. Or the perfume that she always wore that I didn’t even like. I had them stashed in Jayden and Easton’s room because they would ask the least questions. Though I did have a sneaking suspicion Jayden had used the perfume himself because he was smelling a little floral.
“Glad to hear it,” I said evenly. “She must be feeling better. How is Kylie?”
Tyler shook his head. “Kylie is a hot mess. Nathan is blowing up her phone with apologies.”
I snorted.
“He knows he fucked up and he’s hurting,” Tyler said. “You know he’s going to come after you to take out some of that anger.”
I shrugged. “I can out-anger him any day of the week.”
“I know. That’s what scares me.”
The front door opened, and I glanced over to see my mother walk in the door. Shit. Now? This was when she chose to finally make an appearance? Worst timing ever.
“Hey, Phoenix, I need to talk to you,” she said.
Of course she did. I was definitely not in the mood for a little mother-son chat. “Hey, Mom, so nice to see you for the first time in six months. I’m good, thanks for asking.”
She frowned. “Don’t be a smart-ass.”
Notorious for wearing clothes that were two sizes too small and twenty years too young for her, she was wearing denim acid-washed shorts and a tank that made it very obvious she did not have a bra on. Jesus Christ. I wanted to sigh. In fact, I think I actually did.
“Hi, Aunt Jackie,” Easton said from where he was rolling around on the floor for no apparent reason.
“Hey, brat,” she said, tickling his ribs with her toes.
Yep, she was barefoot.
“How did you know I’d be here?” I asked, not moving from the couch.
“Where else would you be? You ain’t got a pot to pee in, and I know you don’t want to live with that twat girlfriend of yours.”
That made me sit up straighter. “Do not call Robin a twat,” I said. “Seriously, Mom, don’t go there with me.”
“Robin?” She looked surprised. “Who the hell is Robin? I was talking about that slut Angel.”
“Oh.” I relaxed back. “We broke up while I was inside. But don’t say that about her either. It’s not nice.”
“It’s not nice,” she mimicked, making a face. “God, you’re such a pussy.”
That did it. I just said, very, very calmly, “Get out. Get out of this house. Right. Now.”
But she scoffed. “You can’t throw me out of Dawn’s house.”
“I can,” Tyler said. “Now show a little respect or you can leave. You haven’t seen Phoenix even once since he got out and you walk in here calling him names? It’s bullshit, Jackie.”
Wow. Cousin was sticking up for me. I was surprised to realize how much I needed that, someone to be on my side.
“God, why is everyone being so sensitive?” she complained, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter.
“You can’t smoke in the house,” Tyler told her.
“What?” For a second I thought she was going to argue, but she just gave a huff of exasperation and stormed to the kitchen, presumably to go out the back door.
I jumped up to follow, well aware that Jessica and Rory were in the kitchen and did not deserve to have to deal with her. She had stopped short in the doorway. “Who the hell are you?” she asked them, even though I knew they had both been at my aunt’s funeral. She clearly didn’t remember meeting them.
“Mom, this is Jessica and Rory, Riley’s and Tyler’s girlfriends. This is my mom, Jackie.” I was more than a little mortified having to do introductions because I knew whatever my mother said, it would not be nice or classy.
And she didn’t disappoint as they murmured greetings, both pasting on a smile. “Damn. My nephews have expensive taste.” She glanced at me. “How about you? Where is your girlfriend, this Robin you were so defensive about? She got money?”
I could see the predatory gleam in her eyes. “No. She’s at her parents.” I held the back door open. “Come outside so you can have a cigarette. I’ll sit with you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Lucky me.”
But I didn’t say anything. I just held the door open for her until she passed through. I saw the pity on Rory’s and Jessica’s faces and I felt the familiar sense of shame that I always did when people felt sorry for me.
The sun was high, hitting me right in the eyes as I sat on the top of the picnic table and my mom sat next to me. When her hand shook as she tried to light her cigarette, I took the lighter and held it for her.
She blew out some smoke with a sigh. “Thanks.” Lifting her hands to gather her heavy and bleached hair up into a ponytail, I caught sight of the scars on her stomach.
I took the edge of her shirt and lifted it further to see for myself what that asshole had done to her. The lines were white slashes on her flesh, as he had tried to write “Iggy” but was mostly unsuccessful. I made a sound in the back of my throat. “Did they heal okay?”