She backed up quickly, opening the door wider, suddenly afraid we might be caught in the open. “Okay. Come in.”
I stepped inside, saw a few pieces of furniture placed haphazardly around the messy room off the hallway, and headed toward them, arranging two chairs so they faced each other. “Have a seat.”
She followed me in, looking at the walls and ceiling like a tourist on her first visit. Hesitantly, she did as I asked, sitting on the chair’s edge with her hands clenched in her lap.
“Mrs. Bouch, you must know things aren’t going well for you. You’ve been having an affair with a man facing a drug charge, you’re living with another against whom drug trafficking allegations have been made, the police department has a record of your chronic involvement in domestic abuse calls, you have an admitted history of repeated drug use, you’re receiving mental counseling, and you’ve just been visited by SRS. Do you have any idea what all that looks like?”
Tears were flowing down her face. “I try my best. I really do.”
“I know you do. Wasn’t I the one who offered you help?”
She nodded silently.
“What did I tell you?”
“That I should leave Norm. But I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
She gave me a pleading look.
I leaned forward, suddenly deciding to gamble on pure intuition. “I know you’re in pain, but despite what you think, you still have some options. Do you feel that inside you-the desire not to be pushed around so much?”
“I don’t know.”
“How did it feel when Norm ordered you to have an affair with Brian?”
Her eyes widened. “How did…?”
“Or when he told you Brian was going to be hung out to dry-after you’d discovered you’d actually fallen in love with him?”
She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know.”
“Jan,” I said, using her Christian name for the first time, “when you and Norm were at the police station, telling us the sexual harassment charges were false, and that you’d actually been having an affair with Brian, do you remember how you felt when you were asked whether Brian was ever in uniform when the two of you were together?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Norm opened his mouth to answer, and you beat him to it. Remember?”
Her face cleared suddenly. “I said, ‘No.’ I knew otherwise it would get Brian into trouble.”
I matched her enthusiasm with my own. “That’s right. You said, ‘No.’ But you did more than that. Why did you say it so fast, so clearly?”
She looked like she was concentrating for a final exam. “Because Norm was about to say, ‘Yes’?”
“Don’t ask me, Jan. Tell me. Was that the way it was?”
“Yes, it was. I didn’t want him to do that.”
“You stood up for yourself,” I said, “and you helped a friend. You may’ve caught hell later, but it felt good, didn’t it?”
“Yes,” but her voice had lost some of its edge.
“Would you like to stop using drugs?”
She perked back up. “Oh yes, I would.”
“Or live peacefully with your children, happy and in control and without fear?”
“I’d like that.”
“What’s the biggest barrier between you and those goals?”
Her eyes widened at the possibility of a single simple solution. “The drugs?”
“That’s pretty big,” I agreed. “But what brought them into your life?”
“Norm?” she asked in a whisper.
I leaned forward. “What would change if he were out of the picture?”
“I could get my life back,” she suggested, almost to herself.
I wasn’t sure how great she’d actually find that to be, but I wasn’t about to quibble. While I was blatantly manipulating her with my own self-interest, there was also no way I didn’t think Jan Bouch could stand an improvement in her life.
“Here’s another one-what do you think will happen if you let things continue the way they’re going?”
The tears began flowing again. “They’ll take my kids away?”
I kept quiet, cautious about saying too much. Instead, I got to my feet and began walking around the room, dominating it with my presence, occasionally passing behind her to heighten her insecurity.
“Mrs. Bouch, I don’t need to tell you that forces are at work right now that are bigger than anything you can do to fight them. You’ve gotten used to being pushed around by Norm, but that’s nothing compared to this. There is a silver lining in that, though. You know what it is?”
I was behind her when I said this and paused long enough to force her to ask, “What?”
“It’s that those larger forces are on your side. They want you to succeed, to live with your kids, to have a normal, happy life. They want to make sure Norm doesn’t hurt any more people than he already has… Like he’s hurt you.”
Predictably, she wavered there. “He’s not a bad man.”
“You asked him for a favor when you first got together and began having children, didn’t you?” I asked, my voice lowered, my head just behind hers. “You asked him for something that wouldn’t have cost him a thing, but which meant everything to you-and to those same children.”
Her head bent forward and her weeping increased.
“He forced you to live a lie because he wouldn’t make this simple dream come true, didn’t he?”
Her entire body was shaking by now, bent over almost double. I tried to use that grief to temper the adrenaline I felt coursing through me, but I couldn’t resist seeing it as a measure of my success. The gap between me and Norm-at least regarding this one pathetic soul-had grown immeasurably close. His victim had become mine.
“He wouldn’t even marry you, would he, Jan?” I ended in a whisper.
“No,” she wailed. “I wanted my kids to be different from me, but he wouldn’t do it. That’s why I lied about being married.”
At last, I put both my hands on her shoulders, bridging the gap I’d so cynically created. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You did it for good reason. You tried your best. And if Norm hadn’t kept pushing, it might’ve worked.”
I circled around to face her, crouching low so I could see her eyes. “It’s fallen apart, and you know who’s to blame. I know it’s scary, and that you don’t want to do it, but for your children, you’re going to have to make some choices. You won’t be alone this time. People will be there to help you, but you’ll have to help them, too. Do you understand?”
She nodded dumbly. I knew she had no idea what I was talking about. That would come later, and at the hands of others-others, I comforted myself, who really would have her best interests at heart.
“Some people are going to want to talk to you about Norm,” I resumed. “Ask you questions about his business dealings. You may not think you know anything, but your helping them in any way will be crucial. It’ll be at a special meeting called an inquest, and the only people there will be a judge and a prosecutor-a friend of mine named Kathy. Are you willing to be a part of that?”
Again, she nodded.
“All right. I think it might be better if Norm doesn’t find out about this. Remember the women I mentioned in the chief’s office a few days ago, who take care of people like you and your kids?”
“The shelter?”
“Right. I can have all of you taken there right now, where Norm can’t find you, so you can be safe until Kathy and the judge ask you those questions. Are you agreeable to that?”
“Okay,” she said simply.
I straightened up, the tension draining out of me. The frustration I’d felt losing Lenny Markham to the legal system was finally dissipating in the face of new expectations.
“You stay here,” I said to her. “I’ve got a few phone calls to make.”
Chapter 22
Jonathon Michael found me at the women For Women shelter in Brattleboro, three hours after my conversation with Jan Bouch, and right after Gail and I had finally handed her and the kids over to the shelter’s staff. Those few hours had seemed without end, since as soon as I’d gotten Jan to agree to an inquest, I was sure Norm would come waltzing through the front door and ruin everything.