“Okay, what’s going on?”
“Raven Cosmetics called. They’d like to speak with you first thing tomorrow morning. They asked if you’d be available for an 8 a.m. phone conference with the CEO. I said absolutely. I hope that’s okay,” she says nervously.
“Yes, of course. I hope this is a good thing.”
“I’m sure it is. I’ll confirm the meeting and email you the details.”
“Thanks. I’ll work from home in the morning and be in the office around eleven,” I tell her.
“See you then. Let me know if you need anything before you come in.”
“I will. Have a great night.”
I hang up the phone, surprised that we’re having a conference call instead of another meeting. I don’t know what that means, but I need to stay positive. I did the best I could, and all in all I feel good about how I presented. Even with Piper being in my face and unwanted thoughts of her and Neil resurfacing every time I looked at them, I kept it together.
There’s a part of me that still doesn’t understand how it all happened. What could possibly have brought them together? Sure, she has beautiful blond hair and bright blue eyes, but I never thought Neil saw her as more than a friend. I never imagined she’d be the demise of our relationship.
I hear my phone chirp and look down, hoping it’s Ash letting me know she’s close.
Ashton: Hey. I got tied up at work.
Me: It’s fine.
Ashton: I think I’m staying in the city tonight. You ok?
Me: I’ll be fine.
Of course she’s not going to come home the one time I need her to. Is anything going to go my way today? I needed my ex-fiancé to act like an adult, I needed him to leave me alone and not make an attempt to further obliterate me, and I needed my best friend to help me cope when said ex asshole ignored my needs completely and behaved like a selfish bastard. My phone starts ringing and I see Ashton’s face pop up on my screen.
I smile to myself, swiping to answer. “I’m okay, Ash.”
She giggles. “Liar. I can tell by your text message that you’re not. What happened today?”
“Well, let’s see. First, Piper consults for Raven Cosmetics, so she was in the meeting.”
“What?” she shouts. “Did you punch her in the throat? Or bitch-slap her? I wish I could’ve seen that.”
“Yeah, Ashton, that’s what I did in a client meeting. No, I didn’t, although I wanted to.” I take a deep breath and quickly tell her the story of my afternoon with all the sordid details and drama.
“What did you do to piss God off? I’ve never met anyone who has such shitty luck.” Ash laughs. “No matter what happens, this will work out. If not, we’ll get drunk and make fun of people.”
“I still don’t know why the hell I keep you around. I gotta go. I have an early phone meeting with the Raven people and I need to be prepared.”
“Okay. I probably won’t make it home. The new doctor is up my ass about the clinical trials he’s running. I need to be in the lab in case something happens. I’m sorry I can’t be home for you today, but please promise me you won’t eat a pint of ice cream. Just break out the old rabbit and—”
“And that’s where we hang up. Thanks for the advice. I love you.”
“Love you too. Seriously, an orgasm will
totally—”
I disconnect before she can finish, laughing at her ability to change my mood. There are no words for that girl. She really is my twisted sister. I decide it’s time to throw myself into work.
As I sit at the table, I replay the day’s events. If I were an outsider, they’d be hilarious. Since I’m the one involved, however, they’re not. I have two choices: either I do my best and win the only way I can, or I lie down and let Neil win. Right now, I’m more eager than ever to nail this phone interview and win this job. I go straight to my desk, change my email password, along with the passwords for any other account I may have logged in to from his computer, and get to work on my Raven project.
When I finally look at the clock, two hours have passed and I’ve accomplished a lot. I crunched numbers with an intensity I haven’t felt in a long time. I’m ready for tomorrow.
As I step into my room, all the confidence I built up working over the past few hours vanishes. I look around, feeling uncomfortable and ashamed. It looks like a disaster zone in here. This isn’t me. I’ve always been neat and organized, ready to tackle the world. But the person living here is anything but that. My side table is covered in dirty dishes, piles of clothes are scattered everywhere, the trashcan is overflowing with tissues, and empty ice cream containers and candy wrappers litter the floor. Is this what I’ve become?
Feeling determined to pull myself together and start rebuilding my life, I begin cleaning up my room, finding my strength through cleanliness and organization. Sometimes putting things in their rightful place is therapeutic. Right now, it’s giving me some small measure of control. The hurt and pain are still there, but I need to put this behind me. I need to move on.
Today has reminded me that the life I thought I had and the man I thought I loved aren’t things I should want anymore. The future I dream of doesn’t look like this. It’s full of devotion and happiness, not sadness and betrayal. I deserve more. Silently, I promise myself to guard my heart from now on. Love is a gift, and I will not give it freely to anyone.
Just as I’m thinking this, I accidentally knock over a frame, which crashes to the ground. Though the glass doesn’t shatter, when I pick it up I see a huge crack down the center between Neil’s face and mine. Broken—like we are. It’s the photo from our first anniversary. I’m clinging to his back and he’s looking adoringly at me with a huge smile on his face. We were so happy and in love. It shone through our eyes as we laughed at whatever joke we shared. We were always playful and silly in the beginning—he brought that out in me. But at some point it stopped. We went from happy to comfortable, and then he made his choices.
I can’t keep thinking about this. All I want is freedom from him and this idea of what our relationship was or could have been. Alone in my room, I let it all go. Silent rivers of tears stream down my face as the weight of the last three months comes crashing around me. All the lies, hurt, and infidelity, the broken promises … it’s destroyed a part of me. I know that even when I’m fully over everything, there’s a part of my heart that will never be repaired. There’s a fissure that will always be there, a wound that will one day heal and scar over, but it will never be forgotten.
Grabbing an empty box, I start to place the pictures and the memories that accompany them away. I’ll never heal if I keep pretending he’ll come back. I glance at our engagement photo. It’s amazing the difference between this picture and our first anniversary shot. He’s not looking at me like he did in the first photo. In this one he’s barely smiling—his eyes look empty, as though he’s looking past me, not at me. Why didn’t I ever notice that? I was so blinded by my need to be loved that I overlooked the truths that were staring at me every day.
Intent on putting things away, I eye the jewelry box that holds my engagement ring. Tentatively, I open the lid and stare at the shiny diamond nestled in the ring slot. I place it on my finger one last time, and the light creates prisms that bounce off the walls as I twist it around. Tears continue, but instead of feeling weighted by them, I feel as though each one is cleansing me. Reluctantly, I take it off my finger and tuck it back in the ring slot. Back in the box that I received from the other man in my life that I wasn’t enough for. I pull out my “Fuck You” ring that I purchased for myself with Neil’s money and slide it on my finger. Even though the purpose of the ring was to distract me from Neil and my empty ring finger, when I look at it now I remember Neil. I don’t want to remember anymore. I take the sapphire ring off, placing it next to my engagement ring. They are a symbol of the past going where it needs to go—away.