“Keegan! Oh God Keegan, I can’t find her.”
“Can’t find who, slow down Mom. Where’s Sarah?” My heart started beating in my chest.
She sounded frantic. “Sarah. She’s not here. I picked her up from school, and I thought she went upstairs to her room, but when I called her down for dinner she didn’t answer. Oh my God I can’t find her anywhere!”
I abruptly stood up and looked around my living room. Okay, okay… don’t panic. Where did I put my goddamn keys? “Have you checked outside?”
“Yes!”
“Did you look across the street at the park? Sometimes she likes to hide under the slide.”
“Yes, yes…Keegan oh God she was mad at me.”
I found my keys on the counter by my purse, and I took off for my car. “Did you two get into a fight?”
“I told her I was going to have your uncle pick her up from school tomorrow, because I had to work late, and she got upset. She told me that I’m never home anymore, so I said that she was being overdramatic.” Her voice quivered.
“Mom! You aren’t ever home! She misses you. She was trying to talk to you about it, and you blew her off.” I was fuming mad and terrified that something bad had happened to my little sister.
“Don’t yell at me, you’re not helping.”
“Shut up Mom, just shut up! I’m on my way. I swear if something has happened to her, I’m never going to forgive you!” I hung up not wanting to hear anything else she had to say. I called Macie on my way and told her what was happening. She tried to calm me down, but I was too worked up. She said she would meet me at the house and make some phone calls to places around town to ask if they’d seen her, then she’d let Dodger know. I needed Camden. All I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay and that we’d find her. I was going to call him but I was pulling up to my mom’s house and I didn’t because I wanted to go in and search for Sarah.
When I got through the front door, my mom was sitting on the couch, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and tears running down her face. She was on the phone with someone, but she told them she had to go when I walked in.
“Tell me everywhere you’ve looked,” I demanded.
She set her phone down beside her, and she started listing off every place she’d already been. The longer she spoke, the more infuriated I got with her. It was like she kept running her mouth, and we were wasting time that we could have been out searching.
“What are we going to do? I called the police, and they said that they are sending out some officers in the neighborhood to look, but what if we don’t find her?”
I held my hand up. I was done. My blood boiled over, and I had nothing else but unadulterated hate for my mom right now. “What are we going to do if we don’t find her? That’s not going to happen. She’s going to be found and when she is, you are going to be getting yourself some help. There will be no more going out, no more partying, no more random guys, no more drinking, you will stay at home with your eight-year-old child, and you will be the responsible parent that you are supposed to be. I’m sick of picking up your slack Mom. I don’t care if you have to go to counseling, or quit your job to be at home with her.” I had ticked off each point on my fingers. “Enough is enough!”
“Do you really think scolding me right now is going to solve anything?”
I bent over at the waist and got in her face. “You LOST Sarah! Get off your fucking high horse and give me a little humility for once.” I heard the front door open and Macie came into the living room. “I’m going out to look for her. Stay here until you hear from me or the police.” Her mouth opened and closed like a fish. I swear if she said anything else to me I would be too tempted to slap her.
Macie looked at me sympathetically, and we walked to the front door. “Come on, we can go over to the school and see if she’s hanging out over there.”
“Do you think we should split up and cover more ground?” My chin quivered and tears pooled in my eyes. Fear was crashing into me in waves.
“No, I don’t think you can drive right now. Just get in my car and we’ll find her. I’m sure she’s fine,” she said comfortingly.
In the car Macie was trying to reassure me that Sarah was just being a typical eight-year-old, and that kids ran away from home all the time. They might, but most only did it out of defiance. Sarah likely took off because she was sick of being ignored. Nothing could placate my guilt.
“I told Dodger what was going on, and he said he would check the roads between your house and the apartment.”
“Okay.” I kept my eyes on the sidewalks and yards that we drove past, praying to whatever higher being I could think of that she was unharmed. It was dusk and darkness was creeping in with every passing minute. I felt like I was on the verge of hysterics. We’d been out searching for over an hour when I told Macie to stop by the apartment so I could see if Camden was out searching and to check if Sarah was in the area.
When we pulled up I told Macie I’d be right out. I took the stairs two at a time. Yanking the front door open, I was immediately greeted by a teary-eyed Sarah, and Camden sitting in front of her talking to her. My legs went weak, and I nearly passed out from relief. She looked over at me and shot up from the couch. She ran to me, and I dropped to my knees in time for her to crash into me sobbing. I bawled. My only thought was that she was safe, as I was breathing her in. I squeezed her tightly in my arms, and I stroked my hands down her wild curls. Camden had gotten up and looked down on us as he leaned against the breakfast bar.
“Where have you been? Do you have any idea how scared I was? How scared Mom was?”
“Mom doesn’t care.”
I pulled her back, grasping her upper arms. “Yes she does, Sarah. I know she may not show it like she should, but she does care. We’ve both been worried sick about you. Why would you just leave like that? You know you can’t go anywhere without an adult with you. How did you even get over here?”
She lifted her shoulders. “I rode my bike.”
“You what!?” I screeched.
“I had my helmet on, I was being safe.”
“No Sarah, you weren’t safe. At no time is it ever okay for you to leave the house without someone with you and go anywhere, let alone ride your bike several miles away. I don’t care if you had on a helmet or not.”
“I’m sorry.” My tone was getting her upset all over again, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to be upset, I wanted her to feel even just an ounce of the fear I’d been feeling for the last two hours.
Breathing in deeply I tried to calm my frazzled nerves. “Listen, we don’t have to talk about it right now, but when we get home, Mom, you, and me are all going to sit down and talk. I think we need to make some new arrangements.”
She nodded and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “K.”
I stood back up and faced Camden. Narrowing my eyes I gritted through my teeth, “How long had she been here?”
He tilted his head to the side as though he were confused by my confrontational tone. “It’s been maybe fifteen minutes. She knocked on the door, I let her in, and tried to get her settled before I was going to give you a call.”
My fingers flexed then dug into my palms. “Don’t you think that’s the first thing you should have done? Call me crazy, but we’ve all been driving around trying to find her, and you could have put me out of my misery fifteen minutes ago?”
“Keegan I think you need to settle down and take a breather. She’s fine, she’s safe, everything’s okay.”
“No Camden! Everything is not okay!” I screamed. Tears were pouring out of my eyes at a steady pace, and I wanted to wring his neck. “Don’t you get it? Everyone has been out looking for her; me, Macie, Dodger…the police! You should have called me.”
He narrowed his eyes, and his stance became rigid. “You’re upset, and if you want to take it out on me, then fine. But I did what I thought was best, so I suggest you calm down and not get even more worked up.”