‘Happy New Year,’ she echoed, feeling unaccountably pleased to see him.
‘I came to see what you’d like to do next on the cottage.’
‘Come in.’
He knelt close to Bess. ‘I won’t be long. Stay here.’
Bess lay down on the doorstep in resigned reply.
As Grace brewed the kettle, Ben crouched down on the lounge floor and spoke to Millie. Grace watched as Millie pulled herself up against Ben and stared into his face, putting a tiny finger out to poke at his nose, making him laugh.
‘Here you go,’ Grace said a few minutes later, offering him a mug of steaming tea.
He got to his feet, took it from her, then they both sat down opposite one another.
Grace looked at his hopeful face. ‘I’m sorry, Ben, but I’ve decided to go away for a while – so everything will have to be put on hold.’ She tried to pretend she didn’t care that they would be saying goodbye, but she couldn’t hold his gaze. This gentle, unexpected bond she’d formed with Ben was one she would certainly miss.
Ben looked surprised. ‘Where will you go?’
‘We’re going to stay with Annabel, figure things out from there. I’m hoping to leave today.’
Ben cradled his mug in his hands. ‘Well, I’m sure you’re doing the right thing. But for what it’s worth, I will miss you both.’
Their eyes met. Ben looked away first, back down at his tea, as he said, ‘Now, can I do anything to help you, before you go? You’re going to need to get cracking, Grace, the snow is due again this afternoon – you don’t want to be driving in that in daylight, never mind at night.’
There was nothing tying them together any more, but Grace didn’t want to say goodbye yet. So she hunted around for how he might help.
‘I’m pretty organised, I think. I just need to get the stuff in the hallway over to Ockton – I promised Emma that her sister could have them today for a jumble sale.’
‘Right then, I’ll load them up for you.’ He finished his drink, went through to the hallway and began taking boxes out to the car. After ten minutes, he was back at the door. ‘I don’t think I can get any more in.’
Grace walked out into the hallway. There was one box left.
Millie had crawled behind her, and now she clung on to her mother’s leg, wanting to be picked up. Grace stooped to get her, and Millie rubbed her eyes and leaned her head on Grace’s shoulder.
‘You’ll have to sleep in the car today, Millie,’ Grace said. ‘We’ve got to go to town.’ As Millie began to grumble, Grace realised that they hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and it was now almost lunchtime.
Ben was watching them. ‘I’ll tell you what,’ he said. ‘Why don’t I mind Millie for you? Then you can put that box on her car seat, pop Millie into bed and spare her the trip to Ockton? And if you like, while Millie’s asleep I’ll sort that out for you a bit more.’ He gestured to the mess where the kitchen wall had been.
After last night’s upset Grace was uneasy about leaving Millie, but when she looked at Ben’s gentle face, she was sure she could trust him. Millie obviously adored him, and it would really help her out. If Millie stayed with Ben she could have her lunch and then a proper nap, which would make her much better tempered for the journey later. Meanwhile, Grace could get through everything as fast as possible. She could drive to Gilldale before heading to Ockton and dropping off the boxes. She’d be back to pack up the car again and get well clear before the snow began. She didn’t want to spend another night in the cottage.
‘I’d really appreciate that,’ she agreed. ‘I’ll be as fast as I can. There’s a bowl of pasta for her in the fridge – can you give her that and then put her down for her sleep?’
Ben nodded. ‘Sure.’
Yet still, Grace hesitated.
‘Well, what are you waiting for?’ Ben asked. ‘Go on.’
As she looked at his open face she had an urgent desire to tell him everything. Her suspicions about his family. The word LEAVE written on her car. Her vague concerns about Millie. How frightened she was that she would never shake off her torment over Adam’s disappearance. And beneath it all lay her growing doubts about herself, and her state of mind. She opened her mouth to speak, but then he held his hands out to take Millie, and the moment passed.
She lifted her little girl up, looking into her eyes. ‘Mummy’s nipping out for a while,’ she told her. And then we’ll leave – go and figure out the next part of our life together. As long as we have each other, Millie, I know it will work out…
Millie reached a hand out and touched her mother’s cheek, as though she was giving Grace a small, reassuring caress. Grace kissed her daughter’s forehead, feeling unaccountably emotional, then held her out to Ben, relieved that Millie went to him willingly.
They followed Grace into the hallway as she collected her coat. ‘I’ll be as fast as I can,’ she said, opening the door and wavering on seeing the dismal grey sky.
‘Don’t worry, take your time,’ Ben said from the porch, bending down to give Bess a pat. ‘I’ve got no particular plans today.’
Grace smiled, ‘Thank you, Ben.’
He straightened, and she saw a flash of deep emotion in his eyes, gone in the moment it took her to blink.
She walked down the path and through the gate, then climbed into her car and set off on the drive along the top of the moors. As she headed away from the village, she reassured herself that in a few hours she could make this journey for the final time.
37
As Grace took the turning for Gilldale, a few early snow-flakes began to fall. Tall trees huddled either side of the road, their branches leaning over the car and dripping water onto the windscreen. Gilldale was a larger village than Roseby, but there was still nothing much to it except a row of houses set on a bend. As Grace pulled the car up at a T-junction, she had no idea where Riverview farm was, and not much spare time to find it. She looked in both directions, and then decided to turn towards Ockton.
Less than a mile later, she struck lucky. There was the sign, ‘Riverview’, hanging from a steel gate, and a muddy track headed off through a field. Without a second thought, she took the turn, and the wheels began churning through the mud.
A small whitewashed house came into view a short time later. Grace stopped the car by the front door and climbed out. Her head began to pound. What was she doing here? Why was she so compelled to keep searching for Adam? It seemed like she was going round and round in circles, all the while terrified of what she might uncover.
However, she wasn’t given much time for second thoughts, as before she had even knocked the door swung open. A teenage girl stood there eyeing her uncertainly.
‘Sorry to trouble you,’ Grace said. ‘I’m looking for the Templeton family.’
The girl shook her head. ‘We’re the Wetherfields. Templetons ain’t been here for years.’
‘Do you know where any of the family live now?’
‘No.’ The girl looked genuinely sorry. ‘Mam and Dad might, but they’ve gone out.’
Grace looked around frantically. This was where Jonny had lived. It should reveal something to her, surely.
The girl began to look worried. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
‘I’m not sure,’ Grace admitted, running her fingers through her hair. ‘But I’m going now. Thanks for your help.’
The girl’s eyes were wide and wary as she closed the door.
Grace drove the car back down the muddy track, having a disturbing flash of herself as the girl must have seen her: on edge, with bags under her eyes and unkempt hair, asking questions about people who hadn’t lived there for years. A crazy woman. There was no longer any doubt that she needed to get away.
She felt deflated as she rejoined the tarmacked road. It took a long time to reach Ockton along the winding lanes, but gradually the road widened and houses began to appear in unbroken rows. She followed Emma’s directions to the church hall, and was greeted by Emma and her sister Sally, who couldn’t stop thanking Grace for her generous contribution.