He shakes his head, returning his attention to my back, and I pull in a severe, distressed breath as he unclasps my bra gently, letting the straps lie to the sides. Then I feel the soft cotton wool skimming over my skin. It feels like he is dragging barbed wire across my back. I sob.
‘I’m sorry.’ he blurts. ‘I’m so sorry.’
I turn my face into my arms and clench my teeth as he attempts to coat me in the solution, refreshing the cotton wool repeatedly and reloading it with the warm mixture for each painful swipe. He curses with each one of my flinches.
When I hear the bowl scrap across the table, I let out a long, thankful lungful of air. I turn my face back outwards and see the purple tinged water is now stained red and has all the used cotton wool balls piled inside, soaking up the liquid. He gets up from beside me and returns swiftly with a bottle of water.
He crouches in front of me. ‘Can you sit up?’
I nod and start the painful process of getting myself up into a sitting position on the couch with Jesse flapping and cursing in front of me. My bra falls onto my lap and I half-heartedly attempt to pull it back over my boobs.
‘Leave it.’ He pushes my hands away and puts the water into my grasp. ‘Open your mouth.’ he orders softly. I comply without thought, letting my mouth fall open, accepting the two pills he puts on my tongue. ‘Drink.’
The bottle feels like an iron weight as I lift it to my mouth. He places his hand on the base to alleviate some of the weight, and I welcome the ice cold water into my mouth. Jesse walks over to his desk and grabs his keys, phone and t-shirt. Stuffing them in various pockets, he then pulls his t-shirt over his head and down his body as he walks back towards me. Doesn’t his back hurt? Am I being a complete baby?
He gets my clothes from the back of the sofa and crouches back in front of me. ‘I’m taking you home.’ He opens my jeans at my feet, taps my ankle and I lift, repeating on the other before he helps me up and pulls my jeans up my legs.
He looks from the t-shirt, to my exposed breasts, and then to me with a slight frown. The thought of anything resting on my skin makes me want to vomit again, but I can’t be walking out of here and into Lusso naked from the waist up.
‘Can we try?’ He stretches the neck of my t-shirt and pulls my dangling bra from my arms before easing it over my head.
I start lifting my arms to accommodate Jesse’s hold on the t-shirt, but tears start to stab at my eyes with the effort and painful stings. I shake my head frantically. It’s going to hurt too much.
‘Ava, I don’t know what to do.’ He holds the t-shirt away from my body. ‘I can’t let you walk out there with nothing on.’ He bends down and looks at me. ‘Please, don’t cry.’ He kisses my forehead as tears stream down my face. ‘Oh, fuck it!’ He pulls the t-shirt back over my head and throws it on the sofa. ‘Come here.’ He bends and curls his arm under my bum and lifts me up with one arm. ‘Wrap your legs around my waist, arms around my neck. Be careful.’ I do as I’m told slowly and carefully. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks.
I nod into his shoulder and link my ankles around the small of his back. I feel him pull my hair over my shoulder and rest his palm on the nape of my neck, holding me as tight as he can without inflicting further pain. My boobs are squished to his chest, my back completely exposed, but I couldn’t care less. He strides to the door and releases my neck to open it, before replacing his hand securely at my nape.
‘Okay, baby?’ he asks, walking down the corridor into the summer room. I nod into his neck. I’m far from okay. I feel like I’ve been lying directly on the sun, all of my skin burnt away, exposing raw flesh. ‘John!’ he yells. There’s a succession on shocked gasps, all sounding more shocked than when I was carried in.
‘How’s the girl?’ John’s low voice is close by.
‘How does she fucking look? Get a cotton sheet from the cleaning quarters.’
John doesn’t retaliate to Jesse’s shortness.
‘Jesse, is there anything I can do?’
I hear a female’s voice full of alarm and her heels clicking on the floor of the summer room as she tries to keep up with Jesse.
‘No, Natasha.’ he replies harshly. I can’t even muster up the strength to raise my head and throw her a filthy look. Is there anything she can do? What? Like fuck him again?
‘Ava?’ Kate’s fretting tone assaults my ears. ‘Oh, fucking hell. What have you done, you stupid cow!’
‘I’m taking her home.’ Jesse is not stopping for anyone, not even Kate. ‘She’s fine, I’ll call you.’
‘Jesse, she’s bleeding!’
‘I know, Kate. I fucking know!’ I feel his chest rise under me. ‘I’ll call you.’ he appeases her, and I don’t hear her again, but I do hear Sam soothing her, his usual chirpy voice layered with concern.
I know we’re getting close to the entrance hall because the cool air starts to slowly spread across my back. It’s a welcome sensation.
‘Jesse, mate, I didn’t know.’
Jesse halts abruptly and silence falls, all concerned chatter coming to a complete halt as I hear Steve’s voice drift into my ears. I squeeze Jesse’s body with what little strength I can find, and he nuzzles my neck.
‘Steve, you want to be thanking all that’s fucking holy I’ve got my girl in my arms, because if I didn’t, the cleaners would be scooping up your remains for a fucking year.’ Jesse’s voice is acidic, his heart pounding wildly.
‘I….I…’ Steve stammers and stutters over his words. ‘I didn’t know.’
‘No one told you she was mine?’ Jesse asks, clearly shocked.
‘I…I assumed…I...’
‘She’s MINE!’ Jesse roars, jolting me in his arms. I whimper from the flash of searing pain that his movement instigates and he tenses, pushing his face into the crook of my neck. ‘I’m sorry.’ he whispers. I feel his jaw ticking against me. ‘You’re a fucking dead man, Steve.’ He stands still for a few moments and I know he’s glaring at Steve with murder carved all over his face. I feel responsible.
‘Jesse?’ John’s rumble breaks the screaming silence. ‘S’all good. Priorities, yeah?’
‘Yeah.’ Jesse picks up his feet again and the slow building cool air is suddenly sharp and pelting at my back. He walks slowly down the steps.
‘I’ll get the door.’ Kate’s says as her heels clatter down the steps.
‘I’ve got it, Kate.’
‘Jesse, stop being such a pigheaded twat and accept the fucking help! You are not the only one who cares about her.’
I’m squeezed against him. ‘My keys are in my back pocket.’
Kate’s hand brushes over my jeans as she negotiates the keys out of Jesse’s pocket, and I smile on the inside at my fiery friend living up to her reputation. My eyes open and catch Kate’s.
‘Oh, Ava.’ She shakes her head and bleeps Jesse’s car open.
Jesse turns back towards The Manor. ‘Everyone needs to fuck off back inside.’ He doesn’t want anyone to see me. I hear the crunching of gravel under footsteps as Jesse waits with me in his arms, ensuring everyone has gone before he releases me from his body. ‘Ava, I’m going to ease you down, you need to turn onto your side and face the driver’s seat. Can you do that?’ he asks softy. I loosen my grip of his neck to show my willingness and be begins slowly lowering me down into the car. ‘Don’t lean back.’
I shift slowly on the soft leather until my shoulder is resting against the seat and I’m facing the driver’s side. Fucking hell, it hurts. He then lays a light sheet over me before shutting the door softly without even attempting to get the seatbelt over me. My head falls against the seat and my eyes close of their own accord. In no time at all, the driver door shuts and Jesse’s scent invades my nose. I open my eyes and adjust my vision until I’m confronted with green, pitiful eyes. I feel pitiful. I’m a hopeless, pathetic waif of a woman who has caused all of this chaos, pain and aching because I was trying to prove a point – a point I pray to God I’ve made successfully because if I’ve put myself through all of this, put Jesse through this and he still doesn’t get it, then it’s finished. Over. We can’t do this to each other. The thought makes my heart rate slow.