Just so he doesn’t upset him.
Richard drove out from Denver late in the afternoon and got out of his car and stretched and looked at the old white two-story house and came up to the door and Lorraine let him in. He kissed her. You taste good, he said. Is he sitting up?
No, he’s in the bedroom.
Mary came out to the front room. He opened his arms to hug her but instead she only shook his hand. Now we need to be quiet. I don’t want him disturbed.
How is he today?
He got up for a couple of hours this morning. He sat out here and slept and ate a little lunch and then went back to bed. He came out again for a short time this afternoon. He just now went back. I’ll see if he’s still awake.
While she was gone Richard kissed Lorraine again. That’s enough, she said. Save it for tonight.
Mary returned and led them to the bedroom where Dad was lying propped up on a pillow. The window shade was pulled down and the room was dim and shadowy. Richard went over to the bed and sat down on a chair. How are you doing, Mr. Lewis? Dad looked at him. Do you remember me?
Yeah. I know who you are.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad.
I’m not feeling bad. I’m dying.
Yes sir. That’s what I meant. I’m very sorry.
Dad looked at the bar of light below the brown window shade and turned back. What do you want here?
Richard looked at Lorraine and her mother, standing near the door. I came to say good-bye to you. I wanted to get here before it was too late.
Good-bye, then.
Yes sir. I won’t stay long.
Dad stared at his face, then shifted his eyes to Lorraine.
You don’t need to worry, Mr. Lewis. I’ll take care of her.
That’s no comfort, Dad said.
Pardon?
I can’t see why you’d think that would be good news to me. I never thought you was good enough for her.
Well. Hell. Goddamn. I’m sorry you think that way.
I’m sorry too, Dad said. I’m sorry I got to.
Richard stood up. I’ll at least hope you’re in no pain. I’m going to hope that much.
Not that kind I’m not, Dad said.
Richard nodded his head at this and looked once more at Lorraine and Mary and went out of the room.
Oh, Daddy, Lorraine said. What are you doing?
I’m too far down the road to soften my words now.
But still, Daddy. She came to the bed and kissed him and when she went out to find Richard her mother sat on the chair he’d been using.
Don’t start lecturing me, Dad said.
I won’t. I feel the same way.
Do you?
Only I wouldn’t say it the way you did.
I felt like it, he said. What reason have I got to hold back now?
Well, you didn’t.
Out in the living room Richard was standing at the window.
Do you want to go out, Lorraine said, and get something to eat? Then I’ll meet you at the Chute after a while.
If you think I’m good enough for you.
I don’t know if you are or not, she said.
At nine thirty when she got to the Chute Bar and Grill she saw that his car was there in the parking lot. She stood outside and smoked a cigarette as cars went by on the highway, pickups, loaded grain trucks. It was a warm summer night with only a hint of breeze.
She went inside and stood at the door, looking for him. It was cool in the air-conditioning and the jukebox was playing. Three men sitting at the bar turned to look at her at the same time as though they were linked together, one of them said something but she didn’t hear it and didn’t care. A few other people were at the bar, and a man and woman were sitting in one of the booths against the wall. From the doorway of the next room she saw that he was sitting alone in a booth, he had on a pearl snap shirt now and black jeans, and he was watching two women across the room playing shuffleboard at the long table with an electronic scoreboard nailed to the wall above it. The women looked to be having a good time, laughing and talking too loud, then one of them spilled the can of sawdust out on the floor and that seemed funny to them. They bent over to scoop it up.
You want some help over there, ladies? Richard said.
Come on over here, cowboy.
If you’re not afraid to, the other woman said.
That was funny too, they sat down on the floor laughing.
Don’t damage yourselves, he said.
Lorraine walked over and slid into the seat across from him.
You decided to join me after all, he said.
I was always going to be here, she said. What do you mean?
I couldn’t be sure after the way your father was. What’s he got against me?
He doesn’t like you.
What’s there not to like? He doesn’t know me.
He thinks he does. Enough to form an opinion.
Of what? The kind of person I am? I don’t need him to judge me. What does he know anyway?
He’s been around for seventy-seven years. He knows a few things.
Because he’s old and dying doesn’t mean he knows anything.
In this case it might.
He looked around the bar. The two women were playing shuffleboard again.
You want a drink? he said.
Yes. I do.
He waved at the barmaid and she saw him at once and came over.
She looked closely at Lorraine. Why, I haven’t seen you in years. You’re Lorraine Lewis, aren’t you.
Yes.
Marlene Stevens, the woman said.
I remember you, Lorraine said.
I was two years behind you in high school. I used to be Marlene Vosburg.
How are you doing?
I’m here, so I guess I’m all right. I got two kids in high school now myself. What about you?
I had a daughter.
The woman’s thin face flushed bright red. I’m sorry, she said. I knew that. She laid her hand on Lorraine’s. I’m sorry for saying anything. Can I get you a drink?
I’ll have another Scotch, Richard said.
You, hon?
A margarita. No salt.
I’ll be right back.
They watched her walk away through the wide doorway into the front room. Little towns, he said. They all think they know you.
She does know me. Something about me anyway.
They know too much. I don’t like it.
You don’t have to.
He looked at her across the wood tabletop. Are you going to be like this all night?
Like what?
Like you got something up your ass.
That’s a nice expression, Lorraine said. You didn’t have to come here.
I wanted to see you.
You don’t think so now?
He looked at the two women and looked back. Do we have to do this? Just tell me that.
Not if you can be nice, she said.
The waitress returned and set the tray on the table and set the glasses in front of them. Richard handed her a twenty-dollar bill on the tray and she started to make change. That’s yours, he said. Keep the rest.
Well thank you. I’ll be right in here if you need something. She went back out to the bar.
Was that nice enough? he said.
It’s a start, Lorraine said. It was nice to her. That’s all. It’s not that much.
No?
You’re no saint yet.
At midnight they left the bar and she followed him in her car over to his motel at the west side of Holt on the highway. He was still trying to be nice when they were in bed, and he slid down in the sheets and helped her to have her desire first.
When she woke in the morning she looked at his face and bare shoulders and arms and felt a little better toward him. They walked down past the row of parked cars to the motel café for breakfast. After they ordered he said, Come back to Denver, will you at least do that much?
I can’t now. You understand that.
I don’t mean now.
We’ll see.