His ears fluttered wildly. “I’m—I don’t—”
“I could’ve left when I turned eighteen,” I continued with a shrug. “But I just… didn’t. I like it here well enough, aside from all the sex cult stuff. And, I mean, it’s not like I’d be able to go and get a normal job and afford my own place. Who’s gonna hire me? I’m thirty-five. I’ve spent most of my life living in this place, and my only job has been tending to the vineyards.”
“Vineyards?”
“We make wine here. Including nightberry wine for demiurgus.”
“You make nightberry wine?” He perked up. “Is it any good?”
“You tell me,” I said flatly. “I don’t drink it, but we supply basically everywhere in the city. People like locally sourced products.”
“Oh.” He fidgeted a little. “It’s good. I, uh, I drink it… sometimes.”
A smile finally cracked my face. “Bet you’re gonna be drinking a whole lot of it tonight after the shitshow of today, huh?”
“Yes, I fucking am,” he grumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know how the fuck I got myself into this mess. The moment I get home I’m opening a bottle and smoking a whole bunch of shade.”
“Shade?” I asked curiously.
“It’s similar to the weed humans smoke.” He shrugged. “Gets you loose. Makes you hungry.”
I chuckled, feeling way more relaxed now than I had been in the courtyard. “Sounds fun.”
“Humans can smoke shade.” He glanced at me. “Haven’t you tried it? I know lots of humans like it.”
“No, I’ve never… We’re not allowed to do that kind of stuff here. Not even allowed to drink.” I gestured at myself with a sardonic smile. “We’re supposed to keep ourselves in tiptop condition for the mighty Greater Beings, remember?”
His eyes darted down my frame, and his ears fluttered again. “So you’ve never even gotten drunk?” he asked incredulously, then shifted. “Not that people have to drink, but… you make wine for a living.”
“Nah. I’ve considered it when I’ve gone into the city before, but it’s not worth the risk. They’d be able to tell when I got back. Plus, we’re only allowed into the city in pairs or more, and none of the others would ever dream of breaking the rules.”
He grunted. “This place sounds fucking boring. Why didn’t you leave when you were old enough?”
I felt heat flood my face, and saw his gaze dart briefly to my pink cheeks. “I, uh… I don’t know. I guess I was just comfortable here. I’m a creature of habit, and it’s basically all I’ve ever known. Plus, my aunt is here. She’s my only family.”
He nodded in understanding, but he was eyeing me curiously now. “So you don’t ever want to leave? You’re going to stay here forever surrounded by people who dream of…” His face spikes twitched. “You know.”
“Fucking a demiurgus?” I said dryly, just to see his ears flutter.
“Well.” He coughed. “I can’t speak for the humans interested in demiurgus with female anatomy, but… trust me. If any of them ever actually saw a demiurgus cock, they would not be so eager.”
“What?” Before I could stop it, my gaze darted down to his crotch. “Why?”
“Because we’re… It’s—” He shifted uncomfortably. “Just… We wouldn’t fit.”
After a pause, I snorted and rolled my eyes. “You know, people who brag about their dick size are generally overcompensating for something.”
He shot me an embarrassed glare. “I didn’t mean size, although that’s… I was referring to other things. Just trust me. A human would not want a demiurgus cock inside them.”
I was ridiculously intrigued, but it was inappropriate to ask him to keep talking about his dick. Instead, I let out a breath and said, “Okay, so… I guess we’re on the same page? Unless… I mean, if you did still want a… companion, you’re gonna struggle to find one out there who won’t try to climb into your lap the moment you’re alone.”
He cringed, casting a nervous glance at the doors. “God, so fucking creepy. Are they all… brainwashed?”
“I mean, it’s a cult, so”—I shrugged—“I guess as much as any other cult.”
Focusing on me again, he cocked his head. “You never answered me. Are you really going to spend the rest of your life here?”
I flushed defensively, glaring at him even though I suddenly wanted to wrap my arms around myself for protection. “What’s it to you?”
He held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Hey, you can do what you want. Doesn’t make a difference to me. It just… This seems like a shitty place to be if you’re not into it.”
My shoulders unclenched a little as I chuckled. “I mean, yeah. It’s weird, but like I said, how would I find somewhere to live? How would I find a job when my only experience is…” I gestured around us. “This?”
“Don’t you get paid for working on the vineyards? Couldn’t you save up for a while?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I get paid, but I don’t have any savings. And I… I mean, I guess I could start saving for a deposit on a place. But that doesn’t solve the job thing.”
“Why are you so sure nowhere would hire you?”
I gave him a flat look. “Because the whole city thinks we’re weirdos, right?”
He made a face. “Well… yeah.”
“Besides, I…” I wasn’t sure why I was admitting this, but he was surprisingly easy to talk to, given we’d just met. “It’s kind of scary. The thought of it. Going out there on my own and being totally alone. I’m not a true member of the cult, but at least here there’s always people around. Everyone pitching in and helping.”
“Yeah, ’cause it’s a weird-ass sex commune,” he muttered, which made me shoot him a wry smile. “So you don’t like the thought of being on your own?”
“I…” Shifting again, I let out a slow breath. “I guess not. I was alone a lot when I was a kid, before my dad dumped me here and left. And then I was the only child here. It was…”
“Fucked up,” he supplied, making me smile again.
“Yeah. Pretty fucked up, thinking about it. So, I guess I’m just a giant wimp.”
“You’re not a wimp,” he said immediately. “You just had a bad start in life. It makes sense you’d want to hold on to what feels safe and comfortable to you. But you seem… You’re… I don’t know.” His shoulders rose in a shy little shrug. “You seem pretty self-assured. Confident.”
That made me grin at him. “Thanks.”
His yellow eyes darted down to my mouth and away, ears fluttering as he shifted nervously.
“You know…” Flustered, he shot me another quick look. “If you did want to leave, experience the real world, we could… You could…”
“I’m not becoming your human sex toy,” I told him flatly, which made him glare at me.
“I told you I didn’t come here for that.”
That made me feel a little bad, because he had told me that. And I believed him. He’d come here for a… companion. Which surely meant he was lonely.
“Sorry,” I said gruffly. “I know. What… what were you going to say?”
And why did I suddenly want to hear it? Why was my belly filling with excited nerves? Talking to him about all this—talking to someone about it properly for the first time in my life—had made me feel… restless.
I imagined him telling the high priest he’d changed his mind and leaving, never coming back. I imagined going back to my nice, airy room, getting into my big bed and waking up tomorrow to work on the vineyards with the same people I’d spent every single day with for years. And I imagined doing it again the next day. And the next. For the rest of my life.