And when he pulled open the side of his coat so I could slip underneath and snuggle into him as we started walking home, everyone else and all their opinions became completely, utterly meaningless.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Beryl
“I have a surprise for you,” I told Greid as soon as we got home.
He glanced up at me as he tugged off his boots, hopping in place. “You do?”
Nodding with a wide grin, I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and brought up my photos. There were hardly any in my camera roll—mostly just the silly selfies Greid sent me while he was working or still in bed waiting for me to get back from Deep Brew with his morning coffee, seeing as I saved all of them. I made a mental note to try and take more pictures, but for now, I pulled up one of the photos Parin had snapped of both of us.
Greid took the phone from me when I handed it over, peering down at the screen. His head cocked. “Who’s—Wait.” Wide yellow eyes darted up to mine then back down. “Holy fuck, is that Parin var Gelligar?”
I chuckled, shedding my coat after taking the napkin out of my pocket. “Yeah. She was in the bar having a drink. She’s in town to promote the new season.”
“Oh my god.” Greid was clutching the phone. “You met Parin var Gelligar. You met Jurik Aktonar,” he added, referring to her character on the show. “What was she like? Was she amazing? Did she do the thing like on the show? You know, the disapproving eyebrow raise when the Smiths say something stupid about demiurgus?”
I laughed as I pulled off my boots. “Yeah, she did. Well, kinda. When she clocked that I recognised her.”
“Oh my god. I can’t believe you met her. Man, she’s still so hot even though she’s older than my mom.” Greid reluctantly handed my phone over when I straightened up. “You have to send me that photo.”
“Sure.” I took the phone and held out the napkin. “And there’s this.”
I stepped closer after he took it and wrapped my arms around his waist. Parin had told me to read it with him, so I eagerly waited while he carefully unfolded the napkin and revealed the words.
To Greid and Beryl,
Enjoy the new season together!
Don’t let any obstacles stand in the way of your love.
Her name was signed with a flourish underneath. I could feel my cheeks growing hot as I read the words, fixating on one word in particular. Nervous energy filled me, making me grow flustered and loosen my hold around Greid’s waist.
What if he thought I’d told Parin I was in love with him?
Was I in love with him?
I had no experience with falling in love. None whatsoever. Were you supposed to wait a while? Would Greid get freaked out by the thought of it? We’d only known each other a little over a month. He clearly wasn’t a commitment-phobe or relationship-averse, but he’d also been hurt by his last long-term relationship.
What did falling in love even feel like? How did people recognise it? I knew that when I thought of Greid, I felt warm and safe and happy. I knew that thinking about anyone hurting him or upsetting him made me almost murderously angry. I knew I wanted to take care of him and give him anything he wanted. I knew that my favourite times of the day were when I was with him, when we were just hanging out while I cooked breakfast, or lounging on the couch together watching TV, or walking home after I finished a shift at the bar.
I didn’t know if that was being in love, or just… being really into him. I tried to consider possibilities in the future, like eventually deciding to move out and find my own place, to see how it sat with me.
My stomach squeezed into a tight, unpleasant knot at the mere idea of it—of no longer living with Greid. No longer getting to snuggle up next to him on the couch under a mound of blankets every night. No longer getting to hear his snorty little laugh while we were watching TV. No longer getting to see him shuffling out of his room in the mornings with bedhead and a sleepy, disgruntled look on his face.
I couldn’t imagine living on my own. I didn’t think I was codependent, but I’d grown used to living with other people for most of my life. And I still remembered feeling scared and alone when I was a kid. When my dad would go out in the evenings and leave me in the apartment to scavenge for my dinner in our gross kitchen and put myself to bed.
But it wasn’t just about living with someone—anyone. Not anymore. I didn’t want to live without Greid.
Shit, maybe I was in love with him already.
Neither of us had said anything for a while. We were both just staring down at the autographed napkin. I had no idea what Greid was thinking, but he cleared his throat and said, “Wow, that’s… Those are sweet words.”
I released him and quickly stepped back when he looked down at me. I managed to suppress my anxious cringe, but I suddenly wanted to flee. My heart was pounding too hard. My scalp prickled with sweat. Taking a quiet breath, I forced myself to look up at him. At his handsome, inhuman face, with its big yellow eyes and cracking smile lines and flat nose. Those little spikes around his hairline that twitched in time with the nervous flutter of his ears.
And my chest grew too tight. My throat closed up. My pulse hammered in my throat.
Fuck, I was in love with Greid.
I didn’t know why I was panicking. Maybe it was because I didn’t feel in control of my emotions all of a sudden. We’d been moving so slowly, easing into our friendship, and now easing into a deeper, more intimate relationship, but slowly. Giving me time to think about it all, to process what I wanted for myself and what I wanted with him. And now it felt like I’d just been… walloped in the face with one of the most intense emotions I’d ever experienced, and I had no idea why it had hit me now. Why a few words scrawled on a napkin by a famous actor had made the realisation thud into the pit of my stomach like a lead ball.
“Berry?” Greid’s voice made me jump out of my skin. I looked back up at him, knowing my eyes were dazed and a little wild at the realisation pounding in my head, to see his mouth twitching. “You look like you’re still in shock from meeting her,” he said teasingly.
“Oh.” I laughed a little too shrilly. “Yeah, well, I definitely wasn’t expecting it. But she was really nice. And she said she’d be back at the bar tomorrow evening if you want to meet her.”
Greid’s eyes went wide. He frantically shook his head, glancing down at the napkin. “Shit, no. No way. I’ll get all stupid and tongue-tied. She’ll think I’m a total loser. Or a weird stalker fan.”
“No, she won’t!” I hesitated, shifting on my feet, and guiltily admitted, “Although… I did mention that you had a crush on her in that sexy crime-fighting show.”
“Oh my god, Beryl.” He cringed, covering his face with a hand. “Now I definitely can’t meet her.”
I laughed, giving his stomach a gentle nudge. “Oh come on, she knows she’s hot. I bet she’s had millions of fans drooling over her.”
“I don’t drool over her.” Greid dropped his hand to shoot me a mock glare, then mumbled, “Anymore. But, I mean, she did always wear those tiny shorts on that show…”
Chuckling, I took the napkin and the bag of snacks still looped over his wrist and set them on the console table, then helped him take his coat off. “So go meet her tomorrow! If you want to, that is.”