If I hadn’t studied botany, I might never have been taken from Earth. If I hadn’t been put on that specific ship and been on that specific planet at the exact right time, Skalla never would have found me. If I hadn’t had the brave sister I’d had, I might never have been bold enough to find my way towards loving him. It actually scared me how any infinite number of things in the tiniest variations could have made our paths diverge, could have led us away from each other.
And yet, here we were.
Here we fucking were.
“The Mother sees us and has chosen!” Koraba called fiercely. “Jolakaia, rise! Rise as her Honoured Eye!”
Zev and I cried out at the exact same moment, her with loving pride, me with some twisty, awe-filled emotion I couldn’t quite name. The rest of the citizens of Callabarra, unable to deny the obvious choice of their goddess, shrugged off their doubts like old robes and cheered, a mighty chorus of sound rolling over the temple.
In the centre of it all, Jolakaia rose. Then, and only then, did the cotton finally let go and fall.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
Suvi
Jolakaia’s first act as the Honoured Eye of Callabarra was to send the Mother’s Shrouds – grey-robed temple workers whose duties were to deal with the dead – to Joleb’s house to clean up the corpses. I felt bad about that, as if Skalla and I should have been helping too, but Jolakaia rebuffed my weak complaints with a snort. She probably knew I wouldn’t be able to take two steps into that mess without hurling my guts out, but she was kind enough not to say so. Instead, she just laid her hand on my shoulder and said, “He was my brother and I will take responsibility for him.”
She went with the Mother’s Shrouds as night turned to morning, and Zev tagged along to support her wife. In the end, Koltar’s body was not returned to Callabarra to be swathed in cotton as was the custom. He was floated down the river on a burning death pyre, his body among Joleb and the others.
As for Skalla and I, we remained at the temple that night. I was too nauseous and exhausted to even consider a two-wheel trek back to Zev and Jolakaia’s apartment, and we ended up right back in that same little medical room we’d once occupied together. It felt oddly nostalgic, like I was back in a university dorm or something, and it was strangely comforting. Especially now that Skalla was back with me.
As soon as we were inside with the door closed, Skalla collapsed to his knees and dragged me into his arms. My knees buckled instantly, but I didn’t fall, of course I didn’t fall, because Skalla was here and he would never let that happen. He cradled me gingerly against him, caressing my hair, my back, the uninjured side of my face with a passion that was almost frantic.
“Suvi,” he rasped.
I realized his hands were trembling. Skalla, my great, magnificent mate, trembling.
“Shh. It’s alright,” I murmured.
“It is not alright! You do not know... You do not...” His arms tightened fiercely around me. “My little star. You do not know how dark the night can get without you.” His breathing stuttered slightly before he quietly added, “I have never been so afraid.”
I nodded, throat squeezing. I waited until I was sure I wasn’t going to start bawling before I answered.
“I know. I was afraid, too. But I wasn’t nearly as afraid as I could have been. I never lost hope. Do you know why?”
He didn’t answer. I smiled softly against his bloody scales.
“It’s because I knew that you would be there, Skalla. I never had a single doubt. I just had to hold on, because I knew that my mate was coming for me.”
“I was,” he hissed. “But I curse myself for spending so blasted long at those unmoving gates!”
“You were doing that for me. I’m really glad you tried even if it didn’t work,” I replied softly. “You came back in time. It’s alright. Well... mostly. We’re together, at least. We’re both alive...” I sat up a little straighter in his arms. “Hey, how come you never told me about this whole I-die-when-you-die thing?”
His golden eye met mine with surprise.
“I did not think it mattered much,” he said with a nonchalant jerk of his snout. “It is not as if you will have to prepare for my death one day. It will happen in tandem with yours. Just as I would wish.”
“I guess I’d better be careful, then. I’m a lot easier to kill than you are!”
“Not with me by your side, you’re not.”
“Does it work the other way, too? Will I die if you...”
“No,” Skalla said, and he sounded certain. “I remember hearing of mortal females who’ve outlived their stone sky mates. It is very rare, though, because even while mortal, stone sky gods are still exceptionally hard to kill.”
“I wonder why it doesn’t go both ways,” I mused. “It doesn’t really seem fair.”
“Things do not require fairness to be. I went mate mad from your absence long before you were even born. I could not have prevented it if I’d even tried, because no matter how I searched, you would not have yet existed to be found.”
“You’re right. That is messed up.” I sighed, looking down. “I just wish I’d known about the fact that bonding with you meant I’d basically cause your death one day. I doubt it would have changed anything but... But I just can’t help but feel like I’ve taken away your future.”
Skalla stiffened, then placed a very firm hand under my chin, forcing my head back to meet his raw but steady gaze.
“Let me make this abundantly clear to you, Suvi,” he said, as solemnly as if he spoke a prayer. “There is nothing worth having now that you have not bestowed upon me.” His grip tightened, his gaze bright and gold and sure. “You have given me my future, Suvi. And you have given me back my past.”
My eyes filled, but I blinked and wiped them away. I didn’t want to cry anymore tonight. I just sighed into Skalla’s embrace, and let him hold me in the room’s quiet.
“Oh. Speaking of your past,” I said after a moment, suddenly remembering, “I learned your father’s name. He was called Faerwyrth.”
Skalla’s chest muscles leapt with the tension of shocked recognition.
“Faerwyrth,” he said slowly. “Faerwyrth... Yes. Yes. That was him.” He stroked a tender knuckle across my cheekbone. “Thank you, Suvi.”
“You’re welcome.” I was glad I’d remembered to tell him. But then I felt uneasy. Like there was supposed to be something else...
A sudden churn of queasiness reminded me exactly what it was.
My heart buzzed with nervous energy as I thought about telling him. I wondered if I should wait, if I should try to plan some kind of surprise for him. It wasn’t exactly like I could leave a positive pregnancy test out somewhere for him to find. But still, maybe I could try to make it a little more special than this.
But as I looked at my Skalla – bloodied, battle-weary, and holding my injured body in an embrace as possessive and protective as it was gentle – I knew there was no better time than this. This was real. This was us. Tattered at the edges by violence, but holding onto something pure at the very centre.
Messy. Flawed. And utterly perfect.
“That’s not the only thing you’re going to learn about fathers tonight,” I said, my voice shaking slightly. I rearranged myself so that I was on my knees, facing him head-on. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I didn’t bother trying to stop them this time because I knew it was pointless. But I smiled through them so hard it hurt. “Skallagrim of the stone sky and Bohnebregg, you are going to be a father. I’m pregnant.”