The frenzied battering makes my sex feel raw and tender, but I squeeze his cock as if I am milking it. Suddenly he makes a sound—feral, triumphant, inexplicably male. And for the first time since I have known him he allows himself to come before me. It tears through him and he climaxes as he always does, long, hard, agonized, calling my name, as if it is a prayer. His cock jerks and spurts its hot seed into my desperately clutching cavity.
For some seconds he stays still inside me, as he gathers his senses. Then he withdraws out of me and I attempt to fall over to my side, but he puts his hands on either side of my hips and holds me in that highly exposed position.
From the sides of my eyes I see him go on his haunches. I know his semen is leaking out of me. He jams his thumb into my pussy and pulls it out, which causes his thick milk to spurt out. He smears his juices all over my sex and begins to rub, over and over, in, and around, my cleft.
‘Yes,’ I hiss, as my body clenches, and I feel the orgasm building inside me.
But he does not allow me to climax, instead he teases me until I can bear it no more, and I lift my head and beg him to let me come.
Then he puts his palm flat across the soaking wet entrance of my body and simply holds it tight. Shamelessly, I grind my heated sex against the hard hand, pumping and working my hips mindlessly, like some rutting animal. It does not take long. My orgasm is explosive and leaves me high and quivering like jelly.
Gently, he lays me on my back and lies flat on his back beside me, one heavy hand—the fingers spread—on my stomach. That hand is full of possession and ownership.
Slowly my breath returns to normal and I find myself exactly where I started. With a whole pile of unanswered questions.
‘I’d like us to finish that conversation we started the other day.’
‘Maybe another time, Lana,’ he says quietly.
We lie facing the ceiling in silence and the longer the silence stretches the more lost and alone I start to feel. I think of what we have just done—it is so vivid in my mind—and yet we could be strangers now. I have to stop myself from rolling away from him, curling up into a ball, and just crying my eyes out. I simply want to help. I am his woman. Not his toy.
Why the silent treatment? I haven’t done anything wrong. As the seconds tick by I start to fume silently. If I was Victoria he would tell me. I would enter the forbidden realms with him. I become jealous and sad all at once. But more angry than sad. I sit up and glance down furiously at him.
He turns to look at me. Questioning. Slightly puzzled. His thoughts obviously elsewhere.
I swivel my eyes away from him.
He reacts by catching my hand and pulling me down to his chest. ‘What’s wrong?’
There is no avoiding him while he is so in my face, and anyway I don’t want to avoid him. I want a confrontation. Molded into his chest I crane my neck away from him and glare into his stare.
‘You know,’ I bite out fiercely, and try to twist away, but he brings his other arm around and, effortlessly, I am a total prisoner.
‘If you carry on I’m going to have to fuck you again.’
‘That’s your answer to everything, isn’t it? Out of bed I am of no use to you, am I?’
His expression changes. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘I don’t understand you. You say you love me and you can’t imagine your life without me, but you won’t tell me anything. I’m sick of being locked out, Blake. Honestly, it’s tearing me up inside. Do you think I am too dumb to understand? Is that it?’
‘No, it’s not that—’ he interjects.
But I am not done. ‘In your heart of hearts you think I’m not good enough, one of the unwashed masses. How stupid of me to ever think that we could be equal partners in a relationship. I’m just a doll to you, aren’t I? One day you’ll get bored of playing with me, and then you’ll just put me away and totally forget I even exist.’
Hot tears begin to gather in my eyes. I try to blink them away. I am not going to cry, but the more I try to stop the more sorry I feel for myself and the faster they spill out.
He does a surprising thing. It stops my blubbering instantly. He fists my hair and lures my head lower until it is inches away from his face, and then he lifts his head, and licks my tears. First one cheek, then the other.
My reaction is instant and unexpected: fresh desire sizzles through me.
‘Don’t… Don’t ever again say such things. They were true once, but not anymore. In fact, I don’t believe they were ever true. From that first night I saw you, I had a reaction to you that I have never had with anyone else. You took my breath away.
‘I tried to tell myself that it was because you were so extraordinarily beautiful, but I’ve been with so many beautiful women, some who have brazenly thrown themselves at my feet, others who have played hard to get, and then there were the truly shy ones, but never have I felt that irresistible need to brand them as mine.
‘To lock them away and never let another man near them, let alone touch them. When I met you the rest of the world stopped existing. There was only you and I in my world. I wanted nothing else.’
He presses his forehead against mine, his words curling softly around us. I feel him everywhere. I love him so much it feels as if I should scream it from the rooftops. And yet I worry—my life has taught me that every time I love something, even if it be an animal, my heart will eventually be wrung out and broken.
‘You must believe that I am telling you the truth. My heart was in a coffin, safe, dark, motionless…until I found you in a secret place, among the shadows of my soul. You saved me.’
He smiles softly and weaves his fingers through mine, his brows dipped low. I stare into his sad eyes. He has laid his heart at my feet. How would I have thought that he would turn out to be a gentle warrior? Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. My heart melts. I forgive him.
‘So why do you hide so much away from me, then?’
He sighs softly. ‘If you knew a room was full of needles, would you let Sorab crawl in it?’
I frown. ‘I’m not a baby.’
‘Let me make myself clearer. I am afraid for you. I am afraid you will be taken away from me. Even the thought of losing you makes me feel sick to my stomach. You are the only person I can ever imagine myself with now. If all else—the mansions, the mines, the cars, the business, the yachts, the planes—perished and you remained, I could still continue, but if everything else remained, but you were gone, I’d be a broken man.’
His eyes are suddenly wet. He has never cried before. It breaks my heart. He is my love, my heart, my everything. I will leave it for now. I must know, but I will find out on my own. Somehow I will find out.
‘Could you not sleep last night?’
‘No, there is too much to do. The phones never stop ringing. People from all over the world offering condolences.’ His lips twist bitterly. ‘If only they knew.’
‘When is the funeral?’
‘Day after tomorrow.’
‘Where?’
‘New York.’
‘When do we leave?’
‘You’re not coming.’ His voice is suddenly hard.
I step away from him. ‘Why not?’
‘Because you never take your beloved gerbil to a viper’s den.’
‘But I want to be with you.’
‘I’m only going for a day. I’ll be back the next day.’
I gaze up at him. ‘Blake, I want to be with you during that time.’
‘No.’
I cross my arms. ‘So you don’t want me at the funeral?’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘All right, I will come with you but I won’t go to the funeral.’