What are we gonna do next, Max? I know when I expect to see you. Will you let me tie you up again and believe I’m having my way with you, when all the while, I’m doing exactly what you want me to? If it works for me and it works for you, is there any harm in pretending that I’m 100 percent in control and that you’ve given up completely and entirely for my pleasure? The thing is, the more we do this and the further we explore, the less it seems like it matters. I get to have fun exploring you and you get to enjoy being explored. I rather doubt you will get into trouble. You’ve got too many people you play with and too many safeguards in place. You do know about those safeguards, don’t you?
I know about the not so safe: the rope, the knives, my hands around your neck. More dangerous than that are my words, my commands. Perhaps one day we’ll play that way, and there will be no physical restraint. Who would understand that’s the most dangerous of all?
NEVER TOO OLD
DeJay
“You did what?”
“I just went online and got the address of Wild Hearts for you. It’s on Commercial Street, right across from the Crown and Anchor, so I can wait there and have a drink while you pick up our purchases.”
I looked at my wife, my partner of thirty-plus years, and couldn’t believe what she had just said. “Why would you do that?”
She smiled at me—the little-girl grin, the one where her eyes twinkle and her dimples pop. “It’ll be fun.”
“Fun?” I felt like I didn’t even know her.
She walked over and wrapped her arms around my neck. “It will be, I promise.” With that she kissed me.
“I’m not so sure about this.”
“Don’t be a baby.”
“Why do I have to go? You’re the one who wants this stuff.”
“Because they have to measure you, silly.”
The glint in her eye had me wary. “Measure me?” I thought about that for a moment. “There?”
“No, you idiot, your hips and thighs.” After pouring herself a cup of coffee she held the pot out to me. As if everything were perfectly normal, she asked, “Want some more?”
“No. Yes. Fuck.” I looked at her closely for some hint, some idea as to what I had been doing wrong. “I thought we were okay in that department?”
She poured the coffee and looked up.
“You know we are.”
“I mean, we have sex at least twice a week, sometimes three, right?”
“It’s not about that.”
“I only fell asleep last week because I was exhausted, I swear.”
“Honey, it’s not about you falling asleep.”
I started to sweat. “I thought, you know, that you enjoyed our sex life.” Had she been faking it all this time?
Abby walked closer and cupped my jaw. “Honey, I do. We have a great sex life. This is just a little experiment, something to spice it up, that’s all.”
“Now? At our age?”
“We’re not dead, you know, and I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
My insides were churning full blast now. “A while?”
“Remember a couple months ago when we had that problem with dryness?”
I thought back, then nodded. “You called the doctor, right?”
“Yes, but I also talked to Mary.”
I groaned out loud.
“Stop it. We’re all adults, and she and I are the same age, so it was perfectly natural to ask her.”
I put my head in my hands. “And?”
“And she had the same problem. Vicky got her some lubricants.”
I sat up straighter, immediately feeling better. “We did, too.”
“Exactly, but did you know there are many kinds of lubricants ? Some even flavored, for… you know. So we discussed that and other stuff.”
“Fuck.” I looked at her pleadingly.
“Stop it.”
“Please tell me you did not discuss our sex life, I’m begging you.”
“Grow up.”
I put my head in my arms on the ceramic countertop. The day had started so nicely. I woke early, did the treadmill for an hour. I had an idea for a story. I was working at the kitchen counter on my laptop while the coffee perked and the dogs were outside. I even asked Abby to give me quiet time to write, and she had agreed, as usual. Then not ten minutes later she came into the kitchen and made her announcement. I took a deep breath. “And?”
“Well, when Mary and I talked, she told me that she and Vicky, they have one.”
“Oh fuck, you did not just tell me that.” I rubbed my eyes desperately trying to erase that image of my best friend, with a strap-on, from my brain. “Why do you insist on telling me shit like this, why?”
“What is the big deal? It’s perfectly normal.”
I took a deep breath and twisted my neck from side to side, still trying to purge the image. “Normal? Absolutely! But, I do not ever want to think of my two best friends like that. Is that okay with you?”
“Why?”
“Because they’re my friends, damn it.”
“Don’t be such a child.” She rubbed my hand and grinned. “You can’t get the image out of your mind, can you?”
She was right. “No, and I’m blaming you.”
She started laughing, then stopped abruptly. “Okay, so it’s a little embarrassing, but they’re our friends.”
“Tell me now, before I ever see Vicky again, did you tell Mary you want to do this?”
“No, of course not.”
“You swear?”
“I swear.” She crossed her heart. I almost believed her.
“I do not want another incident like when Mary told me about Vic wearing a damn nightgown.”
Abby knew I still had trouble looking my best friend in the eye ever since her wife had revealed that little tidbit. Vic, a butch’s butch if ever there was one, wore a pink-flowered, flannel nightgown. Fuck, now I was picturing her in the damn nightgown with a friggin’ strap-on underneath.
“Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not.”
“So anyway, I’ve been thinking about it and decided our trip to P-town provides the perfect time for us to get equipped.”
“Equipped?”
“Supplies.”
I ran my hands through my hair. The world had gone mad, nothing was making any sense. “You’re going with me. Why do I have to go in there alone?”
“Remember the Sears incident?”
I cringed. Years ago we had been shopping for Christmas presents. Abby found a robe she thought her mom would like and asked me to try it on to see if the length was okay, since her mom and I had similar builds. There I was, in my jeans, motorcycle boots and a leather jacket. It was a simple, stupid cotton frock with lace around the collar. Once I had it on, Abby started laughing and wouldn’t stop. The angrier I got, the more she laughed; the more she laughed, the more she alerted our fellow shoppers, who then started staring and laughing as well. I tore the damn thing off and never helped her again.
“I ordered everything from the catalogue. All you have to do is let them make sure the harness is the right size, and then pay for it and leave. Simple.”
Abby stood there angelically smiling. I was sure I was missing something.
“You already ordered what you want, right?”
“Yup.”
“All I have to do is check on the size of the harness, right?”
“Absolutely.”
“Ten minutes tops?”
“Less.”
“What if someone I know is in the store?”
“Say hi.”
I shook my head. “You know what I mean. How am I going to explain why I’m there?”